We own a vacation home. Every time we go my partner works on his actual work emails, conference calls…. leaving me to do all of the maintenance on the property. \*\*This is usually Friday-Sunday, and he’s the owner of the company. \*\* I’ve sanded and scraped paint from railing and fencing and then repainted it in the 90+ heat. I’ve raked leaves, repaired the decking, trimmed bushes, layed mulch, power-washed, weeded… He says he’s going to help, but never does. Last month he asked me to go down to take care of somethings our property manager requested. I went on my own for 4 days and worked, worked, worked. He stayed home and played golf and relaxed. Now he wants to go to finish the tasks, I couldn’t do. I said, I’ve already been down and worked my butt off. So, he is having one of his kids meet him to help. He said he understands that I have done the brunt of the upkeep on the home. He told me I could relax on this trip. Then he gave me tasks to do. I reminded him that he said this could be my time to relax. His child called when I explained that this would be the two of them working, she seemed miffed. I explained again, how I was there last month doing a ton of work by myself.
So, WIBTA if I relaxed on this trip?
Dude stop doing slave labor for dude and make him do it
NTA.
>He told me I could relax on this trip.
Excellent! You’re gonna get a nice break. 🙂
>Then he gave me tasks to do.
Simple, tell him you’ll help him but then never do…just like he does, lol.
When he complains, remind him he said you, “could relax on this trip” then list off all the things you’ve already done *just this recent trip alone before he got there* and then take yourself to the nearest spa for a massage.
😀 Problem solved.
This is what I planned to do. I’m going to find reasons to not be at the house. I can run to the store and take a long, long time. LOL
Why even go?
Stay home, go golfing, have a beer and a burger at a bar, and then grab a nice book and read on your couch.
He’s taking advantage of you:
NTA or YWNBTA — he promised you could relax on the trip but then broke the promise. Then it sounds like there’s a bit of gaslighting happening. I would agree that you do need a break.
NTA – she miffed, for the same reason he said you can come and ‘relax’ then proceeded to give you tasks; they’ve lost the free expected labor that you would provide.
You say that he owns it, so that means he needs to take ownership of fixing things, and not leave it all to you. You’re not his proxy in labor.
NTA but why bother going with them? Let them go and there will only be them to do the work, so it will be unavoidably on your partner’s mind that if they don’t do it no one will. If you go I bet he will try to get you to do some of the work or slack off himself thinking you’ll pick up the work just by being there and seeing him not do it. Tell him straight up this is why you won’t go with him.
I’ve told him I didn’t want to go. He is very insistent that I go. At one point my child was thinking of joining us and my partner tried to get out of going and was going to have us do the work. I shut that down fast.
Are you already at the vacation house?
YWNBTA. I suggest you stay home, or even drive home if you’re already there. You’ve pulled your weight, now it’s time for him to pull his. It’s funny that he invited his daughter to help… I wonder if he’ll sit on his computer while she does all the work too….
NTA
DO . NO. GO!
Relax at home while he is working. You have done your part, now he gets to do his. Go get a mani/pedi, spa day, or girls night. But, no matter what…GO HAVE FUN!
You would not be TA but you should just stay home unless you want to be bothered a ton while trying to relax.
Don’t go!! Book a separate trip where you can actually relax without being guilted into doing all the work (again).
YWNBTA, but I wouldn’t go.
Girl, why do you go then? Just stop.
Find some self respect and stand up for yourself. You’re not a Sherpa.