I don’t really know if this fits in here or some other subreddit.
I think i need a realitycheck.
(32yo, m) i’m visiting my family for christmas already and noticed our youngest family member (7yo, w) "forgetting" proper restroom hygiene (not flushing, not flushing properly, not making sure the toilette is clean afterwards, not washing her hands until she gets asked if she did it.. and if not.. getting reminded that she gotta do it and watched until she did it).
Her age makes it somewhat problematic, but she’s a kid.. she got leeway.. happens.
Observe and remind her to do it until it sticks…
Now a few days after i’ve seen it myself multiple times, i started to feel unwell in my bowels with typical symptoms.
I mentioned it to my mother and stated the probable cause for this, referring to niece’s behaviour.
My mother (52yo, w) started laughing and literally making fun of my statement towards my grandmother and asking me why our niece should do that.
For me.. because it’s just standard behaviour to wash your hands after every trip to the bath room.
For her and apparently also my grandmother (mid 70, w)..
"We are women. We only need to wash our hands after pooping, because we don’t touch anything when we clean ourselves after peeing. There is paper between our hand and our body. So there is no need to wash them after peeing, unlike men who should definitely wash their hands after peeing."
I remember my grandmother and mother being utterly disgusted at my aunt when they found out that she also doesn’t wash her hand after pooping for the exact same reason stated above.
I replied that it’s unbelievably disgusting and i would feel ashamed to state this fact about myself as an adult.
Sooo i’m kinda confused on why they would make this hypocritical difference between these two activities, because in both processes there is paper between your body and your hand…
and also greatly disgusted.. thinking about all the things i accepted from their hands.. ate from them.. got touched by them.. all this time while they, adult people, thought it is acceptable to do this to others.
I’m not a germophob whatsoever, anyone who knows my apartment can assure that..
But this??? This is basic hygiene! Right?
Am i out of touch and it is really normal for women to not wash their hands after peeing?
And am i therefore the asshole to be disgusted and ashamed of my family and openly stating that?
tl;dr; just found out almost all of my family (all female) don’t wash their hands after peeing and thinking it’s not needed, reassuring our niece in this exact behaviour. AITA to find this disgusting and shameful?
Edit: made some stuff more clear for reading purposes.
NTA – everyone irregardless of what they are doing should wash hands when they are done in the bathroom simply because you are touching things and thats the best way to maintain the hygiene of everyone
NTA – that’s disgusting and unfortunately surrounded by those role models your niece is never going to be any different
NTA. Only the problem isn’t that they think they don’t have to wash because their hands are not dirty; but they think that going to the contaminated room is fine without washing. Foul. You should wash every time you go in and out of the bathroom, even if you didn’t use the toilet because apparently the people you are with are just ignoring that the entire place is filthy no matter what. Get some hand sanitizer because you need to do more than hand washing at this point. Also don’t eat their food. Its a cesspool now.
There’s a survey which says only a little over 40% of women think that washing their hands after peeing is necessary. With men this number drops to just under 40%. That means that more than 50% of people do not wash their hands after taking a pee. That statistic unfortunately makes it more normal to not wash your hands after peeing as that’s what the majority do. It was probably the most disgusting and disturbing fact I learned this year.
NTA to feel disgusted about it but be glad that they’re so open about it and start carrying hand sanitiser with you everywhere. It’s a depressingly disgusting world out there.
People think “Oh I didn’t get pee on my hands so I don’t have to wash” but touch the toilet to flush, which they have touched after pooping. Or, worse, other people have touched after pooping in the case of toilets in public or at work.
I don’t shake hands with people anymore.
NTA. This is disgusting and unhygienic (and not just as it relates to dirt or someone smelling bad, but to the level of potentially making someone sick).
I wouldn’t want to eat in a house where they have been. Nasty.
You’re a bit of an AH for accusing your niece as the cause of your illness. While her hygiene leaves something to be desired (as well as the hygiene of the rest of your family), developing a causal link between that and your illness is not a sure thing. The 7 year old isn’t preparing your meals, so how would she be getting you sick? Especially if you are practicing proper hygiene and hand-washing yourself.
That said, I wouldn’t be eating anything that your aunt is preparing.
I agree with this. There is very little reason to suspect your 7yo niece has anything to do with you getting rumbly tumbly- unless you aren’t washing your hands or you’re eating food out of her freshly pooped on hands and she is also sick with diarrhea. You’re being a bit of a hypochondriac and blaming it on your niece and that’s weird behavior for an adult. Kids are crawling with germs of all variety that have more to do with runny noses and classrooms full of coughs and sneezes than washing after they pee.
Hard agree on the aunt.
NTA – washing your hands after using a restroom is basic hygiene for all people. How often do people actually wash their hands and how often do they wash them outside of the restroom? Not often enough.
NTA. Adults wash their hands. Who knows if the person who used the restroom before you washed their hands? You’re touching the doorknob, the sink, etc, and germs are being transferred regardless of what you do in the bathroom.
If you have entered a bathroom, you need to wash your hands. If you’re about to eat, you need to wash your hands. If you were out in public then arrive home, you need to wash your hands. Before touching your face, wash your hands. I thought these were common sense practices.
I wash every time and I teach washing every time because even if it wasn’t necessary, it helps enforce the habit.
It totally is necessary, though.
NTA and your family is disgusting.
Everyone should wash their hands after every bathroom usage. Even if you’re blowing your nose and flush the toilet, the flush lever/button has other peoples fecal matter on it so why would you not wash after???
They’re all being extremely unhygenic
NTA. I’m a healthcare worker and can let a lot of things go. But restroom hygiene – especially handwashing – is non negotiable. I don’t know how many times I had to send my elderly dad back to the bathroom to wash his hands