So my (23f) sister (11f) has a major attitude problem. She snaps at our parents and I for small things, like putting butter on her waffles when she didn’t want butter, things of that bratty nature. Recently, I have been having a hard time ignoring her behavior because she has upped the ante with this attitude by yelling, crying, and throwing tantrums. Yesterday, I had asked both my younger siblings to take care of the clothes behind the bathroom door, my brother did it without complaint. However, my sister was being rude and whiney so when there was two extra towels on the floor not cleaned up, I told her she can be the one to clean those up too. She straight up told me no, and I said “you will, because they are probably yours anyway” which she started crying and refusing to pick up two towels from the floor. At this point I’m beyond frustrated because what I have mentioned is not even the tip of the iceberg. She has an elf on the shelf that she wholeheartedly still believes in, and they didn’t move last night so today she was questioning why they didn’t move. I told her it’s because of her behavior and attitude towards her family and asked how she feels about treating her family members the way she does, and she told me “I don’t really care at all.” So I’m thinking she might care more if her elf didn’t move and wrote her a letter about the importance of being kind to family and making sure her responsibilities are met. so WIBTA if I wrote this note and didn’t move her elf again?
It’s your parents job to correct her behavior not yours.
NTA if you did this. It’s nothing harmful and maybe it’ll teach her something.
An 11 year old that still believes in the elf? For context, does she have a disorder or learning disability?
YTA. You are not this child’s parent, let her parents figure out how to parent her.
Mild YTA – If you’re so bothered by this you should move out and get your own place. Being a grown adult in a house with small children is frustrating because you at an age where you deserve your own space with responsible roommates and not having to co-parent your siblings. I don’t know your situation but I think you’d be shocked how much less you would care and how much your relationship would improve if you had your own space (or with roommates your age).
YTA, you are not her parent, and elf on a shelf is fuckin weird surveillance state shit
NTA. It won’t harm her. She needs to learn her actions have consequences. Leave a note saying if the behaviour doesn’t improve, the elf will leave and not return.
NTA,
Everyone saying “you aren’t the parent” doesn’t understand being in a situation where the parents *aren’t* parenting. You shouldn’t *have* to be the parent, but sometimes if you don’t parent those kids no one will. The key indicator there is that you’re the one moving the elf, and the one dealing with a tantrum with no parents coming to investigate.
She isn’t responding to anything else, having a figure that she cares about giving this message is a reasonable solution, but it also has a really high potential to backfire. I briefly lived with a kid with a similar attitude and that sort of thing might have worked, but if she had even an inkling that you might have been responsible she would have gone absolutely berserk (like police being called berserk, and her *literally* trying to bust down a locked door by any means possible) i know your sister isnt that little psychopath, but be careful all the same.
Maybe try and get your parents to get her into therapy or something so a trained professional can deal with her shit.
have you talked to your parents about this?
NTA. Sometimes as sibilings we have to parent our siblings. I for one am 26 years older than my youngest sibling. I am the oldest of 11. We always had to help with the younger kids. If I had a sibling acting like that “entitled” I would as well need to find creative ways in order to make sure she understood actions have consequences.
stop being the parent. it’s not your job. I know this affects you, but you must distance yourself. don’t interact with her.
I honestly think after reading most comments this will be my plan of action. Her and I usually do little things like watch movies or I’ll do her nails, go shopping or get food. I’m gonna cut those things out until the behavior changes. I think that would be more impactful than the elf situation. It’s more of a real life consequence
Honestly, this isn’t going to teach her anything. Something else is going on.
She may be overloaded with hormones (go-to answer, it’s a crappy age for everyone) or there may be something else going on that y’all are unaware of. Elves aren’t going to do anything. Simple straightforward discipline isn’t going to do anything either. This child needs to be spoken to. She needs to feel safe and heard, which I’d bet money on, she doesn’t.
Even if it’s *just* hormones, she obviously hasn’t been taught how to communicate or regulate her emotions, perhaps even how to *identify* her emotions and where they’re coming from. This goes beyond simple defiance and rude words.
If your parents are unable to communicate with her and get to the bottom of it (lovingly) and you can’t either, she needs professional help, and I hope someone there can help get that for her.
You’re NTA but I can’t get past an 11 year old who has her waffles buttered for her and still believes in elf on the shelf.
Sounds like she has been babied for far too long and could be acting out in frustration, not just because she’s spoiled rotten.
I judge your parents as the main A-Hs here.