My brother (28M) and I (22M) are pretty tight. Six years ago, he was blessed with a daughter who he loves very much. That’s my niece. I love my niece, and considering I don’t have any children of my own, I treat her like a daughter whenever my brother isn’t around.
Since last week, I’ve been over at his place for the Christmas season, visiting him until after New Years, in which I will be going back home. On the first day, my brother said that I could help myself to anything in the fridge, and I’d consider myself fairly lenient with my helpings. I never really took much.
So, yesterday evening, I found a small bowl of some christmas pudding in the fridge. It looked homemade and it was wrapped in saran wrap. I took a smaller bowl and helped myself to a portion, but there wasn’t much in there to begin with.
A few hours later, my niece comes to the fridge, takes out the rest of the pudding and starts crying. My brother and I go over to see what’s wrong, and that’s when she says that someone ate some of her pudding.
I come clean and apologize to her, offering to replace it for her, but this only made her more sad.
She told me she didn’t want to replace it, because the pudding was made by her first-grade class and it was a project that her teacher was hyping up for the past month. Every student got to bring home some of the pudding they made, and I had just eaten some of her portion.
I feel really bad, and knowing that it was a group effort from her class and she doesn’t want it replaced, what can I do to fix the problem? Can I get the recipe from her teacher and make a bigger portion together at home?
Get the recipe from the teacher and make some with her
I’ll do that. We can probably make it closer to Christmas, if she’s open to the idea of making a new one!
Tell her “ let’s start our own tradition! Let’s make some yummy pudding for the family, using YOUR recipe, I got it from your teacher, we can surprise everyone with it!!”
YTA for knowing you didn’t put that item in the fridge and eating it anyway without asking.
Usually when someone says “help yourself to anything” it means just that.
usually, though i’d personally still ask with anything that looks homemade or expensive
YTA. I mean clearly this was something special because you could tell it was homemade. A caring, reasonable person would not have eaten something like that without asking, regardless of what their brother said.
Hard disagree. How was he to know they were special? Homemade does not mean emotional value. That could easily have come from left-overs taken home after some event, there was no note on it, and the brother would generally have specified if there was an “except for.”
I think maybe you didn’t grow up in a big family. In my family, if there is no note, it’s up for grabs.
Leftovers are different. Leftovers belong to someone. And OP knew they weren’t THEIR leftovers. Sure, “technically” the brother said OP could have anything. But a reasonable person would know they ought to ask first in this case.
How tf do u know something is special in a fridge because it was homemade 😂 most of the food in a fridge is homemade, especially in a family setting. It would seem like leftovers and leftovers are not always something you have to ask for. If I cook a dinner and wrap the leftover food, anyone can get that leftover food.
Maybe your family is like that and that’s okay. Mine would ask before taking someone else’s leftovers. OP asked the question. Not everyone will answer the same way.
NTA. You are great uncle to care so much about her. How could you possibly have known?
That is a great idea to get the recipe from her teacher, and you can make it a fun activity that you do together! As another poster said, even a new tradition!
Unfortunately, kids get bummed out at things that just happen (just like adults), but it doesn’t mean there is someone to blame. There is no way you possibly could have known. But, the great thing about kids, is they also get really happy quite easily about stuff, especially a fun project or time with a loved one. I bet she really loves her uncle, and would be psyched to spend time with you on a project! So get the recipe from her teacher, or find your own recipe together with her, based on her own tastes! And make it together! The whole family can join if you/she want, or it can be a special niece/uncle thing! She’ll love it! And she’s 6, she’ll get over the missing pudding in no time, and it’ll be in fact better to spend some fun time on a project with her uncle!
And don’t ask her anything else about the missing pudding. Kids don’t generally fixate at that age \[well in my experience\], so she’s likely already over it. You’ve already apologized, so she knows you empathize with her and it was just a mistake. Just say something like “I realized what we should do something about the pudding. We need to have another really fun pudding making session- just you and I (or Dad or whoever else in your family too!)! Would you like me to get the recipe for the original, or should we \[“should we all” if other family members are joining\] find the perfect pudding recipe together and then make it?! Or if you’d prefer cookies or another treat, I’m so on board! This is going to be so fun!”
My nieces also love being the decision makers, because kids have a lot of things in their life that are decided for them. If they have trouble deciding, I just make the decision, but I like to offer the decision to them on this sort of thing (the type of nom- does she want to do pudding again, or would she prefer a different sweet?, the specific recipe, maybe also if it should be a niece/uncle tradition or the whole family.) This also shows her that she is priority to you, and that this is about making it a fun time for her! I’ve got a niece about her age, and she would quickly let go of the old pudding thing, and get very excited for the new one if we did this! Kids are so amazing.
YTA your brother said you could help yourself to anything in the fridge but come on. Did your niece know that was the deal before she put her pudding in the fridge? There’s no part of you that questioned a very small bowl wrapped in Saran wrap might be something that was meant for just one person? Something a child might like? How hard would it have been to check in with your brother or niece first?
YTA. A small little portion in saran wrap? You should’ve asked first.