I (F27) have been friends with Erika (F28) since kindergarten.
Last summer, Erika took me to a concert in another city (about 1 hour away) as a birthday gift. I picked her up by car. She brought a bottle of wine and was already tipsy when we arrived. During the concert we drank cocktails. After the third one, I noticed Erika was clearly drunk and suggested switching to soda, but she denied being drunk and insisted on another drink.
About 45 minutes before the end of the concert, Erika went to the bathroom. She later texted that she couldn’t find me. I told her I was still at our assigned seats and that she had the tickets. It took about 45 minutes of texting and calling, but she refused to send her location. The concert ended during this time.
I tried to find her in the crowd leaving the venue, but we couldn’t locate each other. We agreed to meet outside, but that also failed. After about 1.5 hours, we agreed to meet at my car, which was a 15-minute walk in the rain.
Halfway there, Erika video-called me from a metro station. Two strangers took over the phone and said she was 20 minutes away and that I should drive to get her. I refused because it was dark, pouring rain, I didn’t know the city, and the route required complicated and unsafe turns. It would take longer for me to reach her than for her to walk to me. Eventually, those people walked Erika to my car.
During the drive home, Erika was extremely drunk, screaming that I abandoned her and that everything was my fault. I tried to calm her and reassure her, but she became hysterical. Eventually, I yelled at her to stop or get out of the car because it was becoming unsafe to drive.
The next day, she said she was angry about being “left” and about how I spoke to her. We tried to talk but it wasn’t productive and agreed to move on.
Two months later, she wanted to revisit the situation, saying her feelings hadn’t been acknowledged. She said she felt abandoned and that I should have handled her panic better. She wants to stay friends but doesn’t want to attend concerts with me anymore and asked me to sell my ticket for our upcoming concert to her so she can go with someone else.
AITA?
NTA. Your friend is grossly irresponsible and refuses to acknowledge that. She repeatedly out herself into unsafe situations and is holding no accountability for it.
NTA she created the problem and then blamed you for not magically fixing it in unsafe conditions. That’s not fair.
ESH
She is old enough to know her limit and to be responsible for herself. She needs to take accountability for being sloppy and causing chaos. On the other hand, when a friend is so drunk that they’re disoriented, leaving them is dangerous. She’s lucky the strangers were kind and helpful and not predators.
For more context, i work in healthcare and the last time i saw here she was able to walk, talk and everything. When she called me at the metrostation. I also told her i didnt see the situation as her being so drunk she couldnt walk or talk or having a panic attack
Worst excuse ever
NTA. How in the hell did she end up 20 minutes away? I’m kind of surprised there was no one on staff at the concert who saw her and offered help. They just let her walk out of there. Jeez. That’s not your fault. She should be grateful those strangers found her and helped her. This could have ended so, so, so much worse.
If she wants to talk about it, maybe extend a listening ear and see what she has to say, but nicely remind her that shes an adult who needs to be able to conduct herself properly when she drinks and it’s not your responsibility to babysit her. Maybe set a rule that you don’t drink as much (or at all) the next time you do something like this together.
We found out that she had left the venue earlier than me and was already on the way to the station when we talked about meeting at the car.
We did have a talk and she really feels like i should have taken care of her and it wasnt her fault that the alcohol ‘fell’ wrong. We had different experiences of the evening
Fell wrong? Alcohol is alcohol. She’s still making you be the adult. It was a celebratory outing for *you*, and she made it about her fun, her poor decisions, her panic, and her hurt feelings.
Not that you need to, but if anybody should have been getting that tipsy, it should have been you, and she should have been the designated driver.
Maybe when she’s done processing all of her feelings, she can apologize for being so selfish?
Nta, btw if she doesn’t want to go with you anymore she should sell her ticket so you can go with someone else.
INFO: Is this standard behavior for her, or is this a one off?
There have been many situations before where in she couldnt handle her alcohol consumption no. I have had to find her a few times before. Not monthly but like 7 times in the past something like that
Then definitely NTA. If this was a one-time deal, I would definitely say you were the asshole because anyone can get rufied or accidentally overindulge. But her pattern of bad choices is not your responsibility.
I would talk to her about that as you process what you wanna do about the ticket. Get her to reflect on how many times you have rescued her from her own bad decisions vs how many times she has had to do that for you. (I am assuming you don’t engage in this kind of nonsense regularly?) Ask her why it should regularly be your job to protect her from her own decisions. I would also remind her that you suggested that she stop drinking, and she declined. Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Also, her taking you to a concert for your birthday sure did become about her all of a sudden, didn’t it? I’d think about what you get from this friendship overall, because I hunch it is one sided in multiple dimensions.
NTA. You are not her mother and should not have to spend your time and energy trying to babysit her because she is not adult enough to take care of herself. Then she turns around and blames you. She doesn’t want a friendship, she wants to do whatever she wants while someone else acts as her bodyguard.