My husband (27M) and I (25F) have been fighting about how to handle the week of Christmas. We have a 3-month-old daughter. Before I had her, my husband and his uncle talked about spending the week for Christmas. For context, his uncle lives about 15 minutes from our apartment. At the time, I agreed, just as long as no one was sick. But now, having been a parent for 3 months, I realize it’s super inconvenient to be staying over there. They don’t have anything over there for us, so we would have to pack up the entire nursery pretty much. The bassinet, the changing table, the bottle warmer, the diaper genie, her play mat, her bouncer, plus clothes and toiletries for all of us. I’m pretty sure it’s gonna take two trips because we won’t be able to fit all that and us into the car. My husband is off Christmas week on annual leave, I am working. I work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday (so that I can have Friday off). But I will be able to get off in time to immediately get ready and go to Christmas Eve.
I expressed to him for about a month now, leading up to Christmas, that I think it’s going to be more of a hassle than he thinks it is, and I think we should talk about doing something different. He’s brushed me off multiple times and made it official last week when he was on the phone with his uncle. I then expressed that it was going to be stressful for me because I still have to work, and I think it would be better for me and the baby to stay at home. I knew that he and his uncle were looking forward to it, so I made sure he understood I had nothing against him being over there every day with the baby while I’m at work, and that I would even be okay with going over there after work every night, just that I didn’t want to stay the night. It blew up into a huge fight, which led to me and the baby staying the night at my grandparents’ house. The following morning, I took the baby with me to work to get a few hours in. She got fussy, so we went back up to my grandparents’ house. He didn’t text or call, and around 3:30 pm, he showed up unannounced and said nothing to me but immediately tried to take our daughter from me. I told him that if he didn’t have anything to say to me, he needed to leave because I was trying to take care of her, and that my grandparents would be home soon. He said okay let’s talk, so I re-stated what I said before. He immediately got defensive and angry and told me that "I was taking this away from him" and stormed out the door. I tried to call him, and he was doing the whole "Fine, you win! I’ll just cancel it all!" tantrum. To which my grandparents came home, I told him I had to greet them and that I wasn’t ignoring him or hanging up on him, and ended the phone call.
There was more that was said, I’m just trying my best to keep this short and summarized.
I will post further context in the comments.
This is weird, both the ask for you to stay there and your husband’s reaction to you saying that this won’t work. Why on earth do you need to stay they all week when you line 15 minutes away? That is a huge hassle, everyone will be uncomfortable and out of their routine, it sounds like a disaster.
Why is the family pushing this?
NTA.
He claims it’s “for the memories” and that it will be fun. It messed up my routine and the baby’s.
We also won’t be the only guests there. His aunt’s mom is also staying out the house.
His aunt and uncle are pretty nice so I think they are just excited to have guests and see the baby, but we don’t have to spend the whole week over there to do that.
Tell him that what you will remember is him being a bully.
NTA. Your husband is awfully upset about this. If the uncle lives so close, you can spend plenty of time there and still sleep in your own beds. Has he said why sleeping there is so important?
NTA. Has your husband always been this dumb and selfish? Or is it new behavior? Does he understand literally any aspect of caring for a baby? Or does he think babies are accessories? I’m having trouble seeing what his purpose is. It doesn’t seem like he contributes anything other than sperm and stress.
Sorry it’s weird to stay there for a week especially when they live close. I would want to be in my own bed.
NTA your husband is a fool. His uncle probably doesn’t want to be woken up by a screaming infant. Common sense. Plus he only lives 15 minutes away.
I don’t know a single grown up that would willingly stay at someone else’s house for a week when their own home and bed is literally 15 mins down the street (with the exception of someone needing caretaking perhaps). Add in a baby, and hell nah, absolutely not. Plus no one is saying your husband couldn’t go so what is he even throwing a tantrum over! NTA
I packed up my dog and I *once* to go to a relative’s house for the weekend to watch their dog. They lived about 10 minutes away. It was an absolute nightmare with all the stuff I had to pack for my dog. After that, they dropped their dog off at my place. And, again, I want to reiterate — I was dealing with *dogs*. Packing up for a for a 3-month-old baby? Hell to the absolute no.
NTA. Dude has a whole week off while youre working and wants you to pack an entire nursery to move 15 minutes away? Make it make sense
Also the dramatic “you win ill just cancel everything” bit is peak reddit husband energy lmao
Why would you want to stay overnight at a place 15 minutes away? Make it make sense
This is baffling to me. I would understand wanting an extended stay if you’re both off of work and lived several hours away, but there’s just no reason, to me, to stay overnight anywhere within 15 minutes of my home. NTA
If you only live 15 minutes away from the uncle why in the world would it be so important to actually spend the night there all week? That isn’t logical. What are we missing?
NTA
This plan makes zero sense. The only thing I can think of is that your husand is a very hands-off parent or does very minimal parenting. Because if he *is* in the trenches with you, then he would NOT want to pack up half your house to stay at someone else’s house that’s 15 minutes away. The whole thing will most likely throw your daughter off her schedule. She’ll probably be fussy and not sleep well either.
All of this sounds like a nightmare. He sounds totally clueless and very selfish.