My mom is upset and crying about me changing my last name with hyphenation post my wedding.
She’s sad cause her first husband was abusive, and she took me to court after my 18th birthday to change my last name to hers instead of his.
She claims the name is ending because everyone will call me by my 2nd last name since it’s easier to pronounce.
I think she’s being dramatic as she has no sons, and the name will technically not die out til I pass, cause it is still listed first in hyphenation.
NTA. You own your name, do what you want with it
Your name is your choice. Your mom is the asshole
NTA. It’s YOUR name.
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NTA. It’s your last name. You’re your own person and have to live with your name, not your mom. If you want to hyphenate your name following getting married, so be it.
I understand she had experienced abuse in her previous marriage and wanted to leave that behind. However, it doesn’t make sense why she’s so upset about you changing your name following your marriage. This seems more like a projection of her own issues and wanting to control your name, and she needs to speak to a professional about that.
NTA. You can use whatever name you want. Your mom wants you to keep her name to exert control over you, and is acting emotional to manipulate you.
NTA. It’s your name, and now you’ve taken on your husband’s name as well. Even if you kept it the same, it’s not to say that’ll is guaranteed to continue being passed down anyway.
NTA: It is 100% your choice.
NTA Your motherbdoesnt seem to understand that you are an adult now, a completely separate person from her. You have every right to use whatever name you choose and to give your children whatever names you and your spouse agree on. Her naming rights are over. Yes, you can talk about it with her and she is free to express opinion but these decisions are yours. Commiserate with her that it’s not what she would have chosen but aligning yourself with your spouse by hyphenating your name is beautiful and she has no right to deny you that pleasure.
NTA – your mom needs to go to therapy to work through the trauma from her abusive relationship. It’s inappropriate and harmful for her to use you as her dumping ground for these emotions
The term I use is ‘emotional dumpster’ and you are correct about his mother. Very damaging and wildly inappropriate.
NTA. First and foremost, it’s your name and your decision. She’s way too invested in this.
Second, you actually are keeping your name, just in hyphenated form. That’s a nice nod to her. She should take the win.
NTA, sometimes people see the names they give their children as THEIR names. As in, their property. And the child changing that name is like a defacement of their property. Unfortunately that is not how raising a human being works and sometimes the parent has to come to grips with changes to their child’s name that they did not personally approve. Doesn’t change the fact that your name in fact belongs to you and not your mother.
NTA
Your name, your decision. She doesn’t get input and you shouldn’t even let her go on and on. Don’t entertain the tantrums. End the conversation, then if she starts again, she can have more time to think about her behaviour. Start setting boundaries you’ll need in marriage and especially if you decide to have kids. She needs to know her place and be expected to control herself.
This kind of BS from my grandfather is why I dropped my maiden name completely, went with just my husband’s. Kid has his only, too. Sibling has no kids. Let their name end.