Im a 28yo male and my fiancé is a 30 yo fml – been together 6 years. My brother is 30yo and his girlfriend is also 30yo – let’s call her Sophie – been together just over 2
My fiancé and I are getting married next year and my fiancé and I have had a conversation about not inviting Sophie to the wedding for various reasons:
\- Being rude to my parents, in particular my mother.
\- Generally not being very pleasant to talk to and stand offish.
\- Making no effort with me or my fiancé at getting to know us or spend time with us, despite multiple attempts from us to spend time with her.
\- Making rude comments about my personality and profession.
So following this I approached my parents (after they repeatedly showed their frustrations about her over months with me) and told my parents that we wouldn’t be inviting Sophie to our wedding. Following this my parents immediately shared their concerns that this would “break up the family”.
At this point there were approximately 18 months until the wedding and I did not want to speak to my brother about this situation and wanted some time to think about it following my parents sharing their concerns.
Weeks passed and my fiancé and I decided that we would invite Sophie to the wedding as it was not worth the argument. I then told my parents about this change and left it at that. I never told my brother about this and didn’t speak to him about this either, there was no reason for it to be brought up.
What followed is that weeks after this, my parents drove up to my brothers and Sophie’s home (we live opposite sides of the country to each other) and individually told them both that Sophie wouldn’t be invited to our wedding and told them about frustrations that we (fiancé and I) had shared with my parents about Sophie.
I only found out about this months after when my brother started ignoring my texts and calls. So I confronted my parents and they confessed that they had told my brother and Sophie. I am now being painted out to be someone who is breaking up the family, alongside I am being told to apologise to Sophie for the hurt I have caused.
There is obviously a lot more to it but I have tried to keep it as factual and unbiased as possible.
So AITA?
Hell no. Your parents decided to throw you under the bus. You’re under no obligation to apologize for their mess. If anything, they’re the ones who seem intent on breaking up the family.
However, if you care about your brother, it’s worth having a conversation to clear the air with him, regardless of what you want to do about the wedding.
NTA. What did your parents have to say about their actions?
NTA, your parents are.
NTA. Your parents threw you under the bus. They should be apologizing!
NTA: Call up your brother and report what your parents told you. Express concerns about your parents’ mental fitness. Together encourage them to get checked out.
Their behaviour is not normal and could be a sign of dementia.
If your brother asks if his girlfriend is invited reply, ‘Of course.’ And leave it at that.
NTA
You decided to invite her and never told your brother anything. Your parents went behind your back and caused the drama.
This isn’t on you.
NTA. WTF is wrong with your parents? They stirred up drama and now you have to clean it up? I mean, now it doesn’t seem so bad that she was rude to your parents — they’re capable of backstabby behavior.
What you should actually do now depends on whether/how much you want to salvage your relationship with your brother.
You didn’t not invite Sophie though. You decided to invite her, and your parents went and purposely lied to her and your brother for some reason. Your parents threw you under the bus and even lied, they clearly don’t care about you. You should really be reconsidering your relationship with your parents to be honest.
NTA based on your writing. However, your parents surely are the AH. It wasn’t up to them to say anything to Sophie or your brother. Your parents owe you, fiancé, brother and Sophie an apology. They are splitting the family. Makes one wonder how much of a spin your parents put on conversations 🤷♀️.
Your parents are TAs. WTF were they thinking? You told them Sophie would be invited. Were they just wanting to vent how they felt about Sophie and using your situation as a catalyst?
Stuff like this is maybe why Shopie acts the way she does towards you and your wife and doesn’t care for you mom. Seems like mom and dad stir both 💩 pots !
Info I think we would need more inos about those rude comments by Sophie to decide if she really is too rude.
Also the argument to not invite her because her being rude to your parents in the past, but your parents siding with her and tattletelling to her, that doesnt add up.
NTA.
You had concerns and voiced them to your parents.
Your parents told you it’d break up the family and be your fault.
You decided to allow her at the wedding and informed your parents as much.
They decided to tell your brother anyway, and do the thing they accused you of doing.
Your parents are the assholes. It’s like they want her to know she’s not welcome in the family but don’t want to be the bad guys and made you it.
So after speaking to your parents, you ultimately decided that you WOULD invite Sophie, and told your parents that, and then they later took it upon themselves to tell her that she was not invited?
NTA – you had an idea, considered the pros and cons, and decided not to proceed with your idea. Sounds like your parents are stirring shit though, so it might be worth having a chat with your brother to clarify that your parents deliberately misled him and Sophie.
I think I understand why Sophie was rude to your parents lol. Technically NTA because your parents are major assholes