I (college-aged) go to Planet Fitness with my friend. When we work out, we push ourselves pretty hard because that’s what motivates us and makes it fun *for us*.
During his sets, I motivate him verbally. Before I go harder, I usually check in with him first and ask if he’s ready, and he’s always okay with it. Sometimes it includes light trash talk like “come on, don’t quit” or “you’re weak,” but it’s mutual, requested, and between friends. I’m not yelling, slamming weights, or swearing, and I try to stay very aware of my volume.
That said, Planet Fitness is a shared space, and I don’t want to annoy other people or make anyone uncomfortable. I worry that even if my friend is fine with it, other gym-goers might see it as “tryhard” or disruptive.
AITA for motivating my friend like this in a public gym, even though I try to keep it respectful?
INFO: Has anyone actually objected or called you an asshole for this?
It does give out a vibe of toxic masculinity and I would heavily roll my eyes if I witnessed this in a gym but doesn’t see annoying.
NAH I guess
I mean if nothing has happened in regarding a blowout, I wouldn’t necessarily worry about it?
NTA but you may find that Planet Fitness (from what I’ve heard of it) is not the place for hard training. People there or the staff may object to intense training itself, and even more so if there is anything noisy or ostentatious about it.
I will say that even if your friend gets something out of it, I think phrasing the encouragement in more positive ways, rather than negative, will minimize the chances that others will be bothered by you and complain.
I don’t think “come on, don’t quit” is trash talk or objectionable, but “you’re weak” and the like is negative and people might not like to have that negativity in their ears while they are training and trying to keep a positive mindset themselves.
I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. I agree that Planet Fitness has a particular culture, and phrasing matters in a shared public space.
For context, my intent has never been to tear my friend down. I’ve seen people around him make unkind comments or laugh at him, and I try to counter that. When I motivate him, it’s something we’ve talked about and sometimes he directly asks for it. My method usually goes something like: I say “You’re weak,” he responds “No, I’m not,” and then I encourage him to prove it. It’s meant as **constructive criticism** — to turn doubt into action and help him feel strong and confident. In fact, about 90% of the time, when I say “prove it,” he pushes harder and ends up accomplishing more, which really reinforces his confidence, especially compared to the negativity he sometimes experiences elsewhere.
That said, I completely understand your point: even if my friend is okay with it, others don’t have that context. Hearing negative phrasing can affect the atmosphere for people nearby who are focused on their own workouts. That’s a fair point, and something I’ll keep in mind. I’ll try to frame encouragement in ways that still motivate him while being less likely to be misinterpreted in public.
As a fellow PF member, I couldn’t give any less effs. Not my business. As long as you’re not randomly including me in your cheers or being unnecessarily loud (meaning I can hear y’all over my headphones,) I don’t see how this could affect my workout experience.
NTAH, if its a mutual thing you both do and if it’s actually motivating, carry on, if anyone comes up to you with an issue, just politely explain its just something you both do, just make sure to smile and be friendly, don’t be defensive as thats what would cause an issue
AI
YTA – how do you keep “you’re weak,” respectful? Respect is not about volume, but as seeing other people as equally valued. You are not respecting your friend and I think that in itself creates an overly aggressive atmosphere for those around you.
You say you check in and ask if it’s ok. But having existed as a woman for probably twice the span of your life so far I can tell you clearly – men your age are very fuzzy around concent.
Does he say he’s ready to train, or say he’s ready to be insulted? Is the way it works that he feels so pissed and humiliated he trains harder to “prove” himself – if so, toxic! Have you ever talked to him about it when you aren’t pumped in a calm way and asked if he’s ok with it still? What you think you want when your 16 and then when your 20 can vary greatly.
I am also curious as to why your asking? You say it’s because you want to be considerate to others – which makes you look good, but why now? I suspect someone has said something to you and you are doing mental gymnastics to try to prove to yourself what you are doing is ok and your not a bad person.
Try and find some male role models who work out, but are also kind and considerate people who encourage and support each other. I promise you your life will be better for it.
You’re checking in regularly and unless you’re being sexist or racist or trying to be offensive you’re fine, but be aware of anybody staring intently
Nta
Not really an asshole, but Planet Fitness is kind of notorious for not wanting things too intense. If you see people constantly avoiding where you are, maybe tone it down, if an employee asks you to stop, fully stop doing it forever.
Otherwise, keep doing
NTA, well done on supporting your friend. Real gym goers will understand what you and friend are doing.
Also this will probably be delated by the bot as there is no conflict.