AITA for being honest when I was asked for my opinion?
This happened about a month ago, and I’m still thinking about it.
I have a cousin who is very close to me, like a best friend. She has been married for a little over a year. Some time ago, she left her husband’s home and went back to her parents because of ongoing family problems and feeling constantly disrespected. This situation caused a lot of tension between the families.
Later, there was a family discussion about what happened. During that conversation, my cousin’s mother asked me directly:
“If you were in her place, would you stay or would you leave?”
I didn’t bring this topic up myself and I wasn’t trying to give advice. I was asked a direct question, so I answered honestly. I said that I personally would leave, because I wouldn’t be able to live in an environment where I feel unsupported and disrespected. I was calm and only spoke about what I would do, not what my cousin should do.
Her mother got very upset. She said I was immature, that I don’t understand real life, and that I had no right to say something like that. She accused me of making the situation worse instead of helping and said I should have encouraged my cousin to return, no matter how she felt, because of family reputation and what people might say.
Later, she confronted me again and said I was wrong for answering that way and that I should have stayed silent. That really shocked me, because she was the one who asked for my opinion in the first place.
Now I feel confused and guilty. I keep wondering whether I should have lied or avoided answering, even though I was asked directly.
So, AITA for telling the truth when I was asked for my opinion?
NTA. Stand by your cousin who needs the support.
NTA. You were asked directly and gave an honest, respectful answer without telling your cousin what to do. It’s unfair to ask for someone’s opinion and then blame them because you didn’t like what they said.
Obviously Mom expected you to say that the cousin should have stuck around and continued to be disrespected by the husband. In other words you weren’t supposed to defend your cousins choice. You were supposed to tell her to go back to the husband. Was this an arranged marriage. And no you are NTA. And way to stick up for your cousin.
she cares more about reputation than her own daughter, unlike you. NTA.
Not the ass hole. She asked for ur opinion. You didn’t offer it. She is more worried about what people will think rather than her daughter’s happiness. She probably lived or is living an unhappy married life.
NTA. You were trapped by a “loaded question.” Your aunt didn’t want your honest opinion; she wanted you to help her pressure your cousin into staying for the sake of “reputation.”
It is unfair to ask a direct question and then get angry when the answer doesn’t match your agenda. You prioritized your cousin’s well-being over family gossip, which is the right thing to do. Your aunt is simply projecting her frustration onto you because you refused to validate an unhealthy situation.
NTA but you should never answer a question like that because it will only lead to drama
If she doesn’t want to hear your thoughts she shouldn’t ask
NTA
Now your cousin knows you’re a safe person
She asked, you answered correctly…..if she wanted you to answer a certain way…she should have told you ahead of time
NTA. Your aunt is, though.
NTA. Personally, I never ask anyone’s opinions unless I actually want another view of something, whether it’s world events or what to wear! Perhaps more people should do this!
It always baffles me when people ask your opinion then get offended by the answer. If we all agreed with each other how do we ever learn, gain a new perspective or realise we’re actually wrong?!
NTA: Your Aunt is an AH for asking a question if she wasn’t open to hearing the answer. You have every right to answer a question honestly. Also, it’s not your responsibility to magically know when a question is really an attempt to use you to manipulate a third party (and even if you did know, you certainly don’t have an obligation to go along with that)
But it really concerns me that your cousin didn’t receive support when she tried to leave her husband. Worse, her mother had no hesitation to use manipulation tactics on her (and to attempt to recruit you into helping her), and she even lashed out at you, rather than considering for one moment that you might have been right.
The reason this concerns me is that people who are raised by highly manipulative parents are more vulnerable to manipulative *partners* as well, because they never learned what red flags look like
I want to encourage you to take a look at this book, and consider passing it on to your cousin if you think it might be relevant to her situation: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
NTA.
Never ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer to.
Right, your cousin should sacrifice herself and stay in a terrible marriage because if she does what’s best for herself, her mother’s reputation will be tarnished. Holy hell, no!
You were asked a direct question. You gave an honest and IMHO correct answer. Your aunt pitched a hissy fit because she wanted you to encourage your cousin to wreck her life so her mother’s friends won’t gossip, and instead you were rational.
NTA. What you said was fabulous. And be sure that you never, ever take life advice from your aunt.