My partner and I \[27 and 28\] have been together almost 4 years and in that time I have gotten them some of the best gifts they’ve ever gotten in their life, I’m talking suprise trips, obscure underground records, etc. including a cool gift I got them for their birthday 2 weeks ago
Their Christmas present got delivered in the mail today and they kept asking me for hints about what it was and how much it was. I was honest and said not very much and I had been panicking trying to figure out what they wanted, so when I saw this I bought it. I warned them it’s not super exciting. Telling them that really upset them and they said it felt like I wasn’t really thinking of them and they feel unappreciated because they "splurged" on me, I spent a lot on family and friends, but I didn’t spend a lot on them. They gave me some recommendations for other generic gifts like Steam games or blind boxes I could get them if I had been having trouble coming up with something.
They then told me the price of their gift to me (expensive) and said I would really love it. I got really sad and said my gift feels so lame now. It actually made me cry and we spent the evening in separate rooms. We haven’t resolved this.
So AITA because I couldn’t think of anything and then saw this gift and got it for them? Should I get them something else?
NTA, gift giving should not turn into a competition. It sounds like you always give thoughtful gifts and that’s what counts. I find it odd your partner wanted to find out how much you spent on their gift, is this normal? It doesn’t seem healthy.
NTA. Gift giving between you sounds a bit transactional if your partner is so hung up on equating the cost with the thought. Can you gift them an experience or something special that you can do together?
I still remember the year my mum didn’t have much money. The cost of the gifts she gave me were very low, but they are still some of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received
I think you both need to plan better, me and my partner come up with suggestions of stuff we’d like a few months before, that way you know you’re getting something theyve asked for, but its still a surprise. Would I be correct in guessing your SO likes to brag about the stuff they get you to family and friends? To look and feel good about themselves? And would happily belittle you to others for not meeting their expectations? Because thats a major red flag if so.
Tends to be the opposite, really, that they like to brag about my good gifts to them to their family and this one isn’t really bragging material.
Interesting, let’s be honest here, it seems like you do a lot for everyone throughout the year, and maybe its given an impression that you can just afford it all. It might be worth having a chat about your limits, a lot of people feel enormous pressure over the holidays, which is totally understandable as the price of anything these days is extortionate, don’t hold the weight of it all on your shoulders, I believe if you both sit down and just be honest, you will most likely come to an understanding. I’ll just add as well that when I was younger, I always wanted nice and expensive things, but ive reached an age now where sentimental gifts mean more than the price, absolutely nothing wrong with it either way, but please open up about it with your partner, keep it positive and genuine and it will resolve itself with clear communication
We do the same thing. In fact, a couple of months before Christmas we send each other links of the gifts we want. We send several so we can pick a few out of them. That way we know for sure they will like our gift, and we get some other smaller gifts we think of ourselves.
I don’t like the question about the price. NTA
This. I taught my kids that it’s rude to ask about the price of presents. If only this side had better parents.
The value of gift giving is in the act of giving, not the cost of giving. NTA. I’m sure there were indications on previous gifs given that your SO values the financial cost, not the gesture.
NTA. Is your relationship contingent on how much you spend on each other? In this economy? An inexpensive but thoughtful gift is usually way better than a splurge gift that someone’s bought you just to show how much money they’ll spend on you. The easiest thing here is just to agree on a budget for all gifts and/or each of you makes a list of things to choose from. And maybe talk about how the biggest, most extravagant gifts you give each other is all the time you spend together. All objects are worthless compared to the love you can give another person.
Do they know how much time and energy you have spent in the past?
It doesn’t sound like they wanted anything special
Sometimes you do your best and fail
You did such a great job in the past, they expect it now so much they couldn’t wait, and now they’re disappointed and wondering if you care
Which isn’t fair
NTA or NAH
I’ve been with my partner for 18 years. I’m making him some brownies and a card. He only asked for a card. We have everything we need. Time is what matters and the thought. NTA, but they sound like they are.