Household context
I live with my grandmother, my mother, and my mother’s toddler. I’ve been living here with my grandmother for about two years, (my house) and when my mother lost her home, we welcomed her in. For context, my grandmother is extremely difficult to live with. she’s snappy, rude, and constantly complains about how hard her day was, despite being retired, while taking that frustration out on the people in the house who actually work.
The situation
A few weeks ago, my mother asked how I’d feel about getting a printer. I was confused because I’ve never needed or wanted one, and I assumed it might be a Christmas idea, so I calmly said I didn’t really need it. Tonight, my mother told me everything I’m getting for Christmas: a computer I genuinely need for work (which I’m very grateful for) and a printer my grandmother bought for me.
Why this bothered me
We already have a printer! it’s just old, and the new one is a model my grandmother has mentioned wanting herself. The real reason she bought it is because she gets angry when I use her printer, so the gift feels less like something for me and more like a way to avoid being inconvenienced. When I said I didn’t want the printer AGAIN, my mother told me to be grateful. Money is tight this year, which I understand and don’t mind, but if I’m only getting two things, I hoped they’d be things I actually like or need.
My frustration
When my mother asked what I asked my grandmother for, the truth is I didn’t ask for anything because I assumed no one could afford gifts. Still, my interests aren’t a secret. I constantly talk about Naruto, have a whole display in my room, and even practical things like a jacket would’ve been helpful. That’s why this feels unthoughtful rather than generous. I’m struggling with whether I’m wrong for being upset about an expensive gift that doesn’t feel meant for me at all.
( note; I should’ve mentioned this but ive only used her printer once, just for a job application, (8 months ago) after that I never did again)
(( UPDATE: Most of this was negative, (I mean, it is reddit) but the positive ones I took into consideration!, I’ll just say thank you and leave it in my closet. And even though it was off topic I’ll probably be more strict on her in the future and start charging her for staying at my place. For the questions: I’m 21!, and I’m a programmer, I have a lucky lucky job so I have a home! Second thanks for some posting advice, I don’t post often but next time I’ do I’ll totally explain it better!,
Have a good evening everyone! ))
Well, you say you use your grandmother’s printer. So you do kind of need one. This is not a hill to die on. This is a non issue.
She used it one time 8 months ago
YTA. Grandma may be difficult, but she’s getting something you clearly need if you’ve been using hers. If you don’t like the gift, you can trade in or return it, but stop using grandma’s printer either way.
Awww! I want to buy you all the Naruto gifts! But honestly YTA. Your grandmother doesn’t want to be inconvenienced, so she got you a printer you could use for yourself. Have some consideration for her, even though she does seem like the miserable old crone.
NTA for how you feel. Everyone has feelings. But obviously you weren’t seeing the signs that your grandmother was upset about you using her printer. Yes it may be a gift for her. But she probably sees it as kind because if you are using her printer you obviously need one.
Yes YWBTA for complaining. Never complain about a gift especially if money is tight. Even if you feel it has ulterior motives, just roll with it. The computer in itself is already awesome.
It sounds like you really resent your grandmother and she feels the same. I would be looking for options for alternative housing if living there is that bothersome.
(My printer is being an uncooperative little AH lately – I would LOVE a new printer. Even threatening to “Office Space” it has been ineffective.)
Gentle YTA since you do use a printer. While I can understand it not being an ideal gift, it still can be a valid gift if she doesn’t want to share hers to then get you one of your own. If you really don’t like it, technically you could always sell or regift it. But it sounds like the kind of gift that will be functional for you so it’s best to just keep it and then you can stop trying to use hers. Or maybe Grandma wants to get rid of hers and upgrade the house to that new one (which does suck if not then just a gift to the household).
Shrugg it off smile breathe You love grandmother Our personalities are reflected in our gifts – she wants you to be self-sufficient
Just let it go. Thank her and get on with your life. This is not a hill to climb much less die on. You weren’t expecting anything, so you shouldn’t be disappointed too much. I get it’s deeper than the gift itself, but it’s not worth making waves with an already unpleasant person you have to live with.
YTA. You go “we” already have a printer. And then in the next sentence you go back to “her” printer meaning your grandmother’s which she has asked you not to use. If you are using it, been cut off from it then yes it would seem that you need one based off of what you’ve told us.
If you’re using someone else’s printer, you do, in fact, need a printer. And if you use a printer, it’s a nice companion gift to the laptop.
Gifts aren’t always what you want, esp. if money is tight.
YTA. There is a printer there that does not belong to you and that the owner doesn’t want you using. You need one, so you’re getting one. If you don’t want the new printer, resell it and buy what you want, but you’ll have to print somewhere else.
You are the one being annoying. You use your grandmother’s printer which bothers her. So she got you your own. It’s a gift. Accept it, say thank you, and stop using hers.
Printers are pretty cheap and your grandmother gets to spend the money they way she wants. Not they way you decide or on things you want.
Did no one get from the original post that it is HER HOUSE? Comment after comment keep saying that you have to respect your elders and when you live with them you have to go by their rules. Again, it is the poster’s house! And whether the grandmother pays rent or not treating her granddaughter badly who supports her for wanting to use her printer is absolutely ridiculous. Maybe she should start paying rent or at least stop being so complaining all the time. And OP told her mother she didn’t want to printer so why couldn’t the mother respect that? Why bother asking someone what they want for Christmas if you’re going to ignore what they say?