I live in a very small area, not even a town. Think 100 people. And we all work together. There are lots of kids. My son plays a lot with a neighbors son. But they’re not great for each other. They don’t let others play, they are too rough, and generally have gained a reputation for being “bad”. This friend accused my son of doing something very very bad and I believed it. Come to find out, my son didn’t do this, his friend did. But by the time he came clean, the damage was done. Fast forward a few months and they’re both being extremely rude to adults, workers alike. I told my son you are not to hang out with this kid anymore until you know how to take responsibility for your actions and can turn your behavior around. He then goes to this kid’s mother and tells her I said this. She’s mad. She asks me for the truth. I told her yes, I did say that. And further explained they’re not bringing out the best in each other. She continues to want explanations which I regrettably obilge to do. Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder and icing me out all over the place. Am I the asshole for telling my kid to distance him self?
NTA
However, you should have told her first, then your kid that he’s not allowed to play with the neighbors. By telling your kid, you are putting the responsibility on him to avoid the neighbors, and depending on age and power dynamic, that might have been too big of an issue. Be the parent, confront the other parent first, then explain it to your kid.
The result might have been the same, but putting all the responsibility on your kid to avoid the neighbors might have been the bad call.
There’s a lot here. When she said I should have gone to her first, I reminder her that I’ve gone to her in the past and asked how to respond when her son says or does xyz and she just never responds. She wanted examples. Why can’t she think for 2 sec on her own? She later said said she doesn’t owe me an explanation. Perfect, why do I owe your son an explanation? Discipline your own kid.
Show me your friends, It’ll show me your future. So good move.
A bit more diplomacy as your child doesn’t understand the nuances. NTA.
Not the AH, even if the friend was good, they both need to learn how actions have consequences. His mum can’t get upset at you for punishing your son for being disrespectful and etc, by giving distance between the kids. It might even help the other kid learn, tho I doubt it since it seems to be a learned behaviour from his mother.
This! The way she responded was telling.
The fact that the other Mom is now bullying her around town instead of backing her up and working with her to find a plan to better both kids says it all.
ESH
You could NOT talk to the other parent as an adult so that you told your son things to do or not to do and kids being kids of course he overreacted, blown it up out of proportion. Only if you had talked to the other parent a constructive manner instead of just telling your child things.
Children are NOT puppets and aa a young age they listen and put their own twist on anything and a lot of the times this is what happens.
I’m glad to hear others have done this the wrong way too.
NTA I don’t want my children around badly behaved kids either.
Info: is this a cult? Seriously asking.
Why would you care if she iced you out if you don’t want your child around hers? Stay away all together……
You go to the neighbor. You say, “When our kids are together, they’re doing A, B, and C. I’ve talked to my kid about it, but he’s still doing it. My thought is that they’re reinforcing each other’s bad/undesirable behavior. Until they can turn around this \[fill in the blank, but rudeness, roughness, whatever\] as individuals, I think we should separate them, as the behavior gets worse when they’re together.”
Bang. Done. But that isn’t what happened. Moreover, I think that you might have a problem in failing to see that some of this bad behavior is originating with your kid, no matter how well he’s parented.
ESH. Neither you nor your neighbor handled this well. I’m assuming she took umbrage because it sounded like your were attributing your kid’s bad behavior to her kid (the one you think isn’t parented well), but icing you out in your community as opposed to hashing it out with you is going too far.
NTA I keep my kids away from asshole kids too. Young kids especially don’t understand perspective. If they hang out with the kid who’s always in trouble they will believe it’s normal.