I (15f) mostly live with my dad and bonus mom. My relationship with my bio mom is kinda rough. They had me 50/50 when I was little then when I started middle school I lived mostly with my dad and saw my bio mom every other weekend and 50/50 on school breaks but the school had a boarding option and all of my friends were boarding so I really wanted to try it for 7th grade. My bio mom said it was my choice but if I moved that far from her (it was like 2 hours away from her house) she wouldn’t visit me. That year she didn’t visit at all or go to my volleyball games and she didn’t call. Then she moved so she’s 4 hours away from my dads house and 5 hours from my school. I don‘t see her much because if I want to see her I have to go to her and if I want to talk to her I have to call her and she doesn’t answer half the time.
Their custody thing still says I’m supposed to see her every other weekend and school breaks and alternating holidays but she never picks me up for her days so I pretty much only live with my dad. She’s technically supposed to have me for Christmas but I told my dad and bonus mom that I want to stay and they’re not gonna make me go.
My bio mom’s really mad that I’m not spending Christmas with her because we don’t really have a relationship and I just feel weird in her house. She says us not having a good relationship is my fault because I was the one that chose to board for the year even though I knew she wasn’t gonna visit me. She says I have to go because my grandmas coming this year but I’m still saying no so she’s threatening to take my dad and bonus mom to court.
aita for telling her I won’t visit for Christmas
Nta. Family goes both ways. If it’s up to you to do everything 100%… that’s not a family. If she can’t even call you to make sure you’re alive, that’s not a mom. Stand your ground. If she takes it to court, she’ll look really bad when you bring your phone records and testimony… let her try court. It won’t look good for her at all
To start, your relationship breakdown is not your fault. She is the adult, and should be making the effort to see you.
NTA. Be where your heart is happy.
Absolutely not the AH, She’s the parent and if she couldn’t be bothered to make the effort then she’s now dealing with the consequences of her actions 🤷🏻♀️ it’s not for you to chase her and make all the effort, she is the adult in this situation so she should’ve been doing more.
Enjoy your Christmas with dad & bonus mum instead😊
Don’t be afraid of your parents going to court. Ask to speak with the judge. You can read them this post.
You deserve a much better mother. I’m so sorry she’s so sleezy. I never understand parents who assume it is their child’s responsibility to keep contact. It’s genuinely shameful and you’re most definitely NTA.
My bonus moms a really good mom. She deals with me being a picky eater and basically just eating the same 5 things and when my grandma died a couple months ago she made sure all of my favorite frozen foods and snacks were always in the freezer because I got even pickier and she laid down with me until I fell asleep for like a month
Nope nope nope she is the AH, not you. It’s not your fault, she is the mom, she is the adult and she should put effort in bonding with her child. If it’s to hard to pick you up every time, she can call, facetime,.. she sounds very toxic, NTA
Nta. The parent is the one responsible for facilitating communication and relationships. My family is very big in the phone works both ways but only i can call unless they need money. So i don’t call
NTA
You’re a child and don’t have freedom of movement. She’s an adult, and does, and presumably also a phone, and chose to move to where she is now.
Even if she couldn’t get to your school for lack of transport, she didn’t even call, and often didn’t answer/return calls you made to her. Even if she couldn’t make the every other weekend visits because of distance, she could have called you and your dad and worked something out for less frequent, maybe longer to take account of the travel time.
You are old enough now for your opinion to be taken into account by the court if your mother takes it that far, and on the basis of what you are saying here then any judge who penalises your father for events is an idiot.
tl;dr – she has and had far more choice than you, now she is facing the consequences of her choices. Stand your ground and glad your dad has your back on this. It is NOT your fault.
NTA. You aren’t responsible for the distance in your relationship; your mom is the adult, yet she chose to stop calling and visiting you years ago. At 15, you shouldn’t have to do all the work to maintain a bond she neglected. Don’t let the court threats scare you—judges typically listen to teenagers your age, especially when a parent has been consistently absent.
NTA, as I said in a comment, she is upset because she will now face questions about you and be unable to fake a loving relationship for your grandmother.
Enjoy a Happy Christmas with those who are there and support you!
You’re 15, and it’s reasonable to spend holidays where you feel comfortable and wanted. It sounds like your bio mom hasn’t really made the effort to be part of your life, so wanting to stay with your dad and bonus mom is completely fair. Courts usually consider the child’s preference at your age, especially when there’s already a strained relationship, so you’re standing up for yourself in a healthy way.
NTA. You’re the child. She is the adult. It is not your responsibility to see her. It’s her responsibility to see you. I’m glad your father’s wife is someone you see as a bonus mom. In time, your mother will realize she fucked up. She’ll probably try to blame you. Just remember what I said. You’re the child. She’s the adult.
NTA. Regardless of what your bio mom says, this is NOT your fault.
I understand distance being an issue. At your age, my dad lived in an entirely different country, so we only saw each other during school holidays, if at all, because air fare was super expensive. He still called, though, every single Sunday, no matter what. If we were out, he’d try again later, but he *always* called. Every single Sunday, for years, until long distance calls became cheaper, and he started calling during the week as well. Whatever his faults, he tried.
Your mom dropped the ball, not you. It is unfair of her to expect you, a minor who probably can’t even legally drive yet, to go to her. *She* is supposed to pick *you* up. She can’t blame your dad and stepmom for having you most of the time, if she can’t even be bothered to pick up your calls or show up when it’s her turn.
She has no right to blame you, and no judge will side with her.