I live in an attractive destination however my parents are from India. I’m visiting my family for the holidays and honestly to take sometime off this struggle phase. They have been incredibly kind to me so this post makes me guilty as it is. But tell me if I’m overreacting-
My mother in the recent phone calls have kept telling me to get gifts. But here’s the issue :
They visited me in August and got a bunch of things for themselves.
I’m not earning right now, infact struggling so this vacation is much needed. I’d rather save than buy things that they’ll never use.
Last time I got stuff it was left untouched- guess what everything is available back home.
It’s honestly frustrating to have such an expectation. I got something specifically for her, which I’m considering not giving at all. We have everything back home, you’ve visited the country multiple times, stop pestering an already stressed kid.
She called today and when she mentioned it I completely lost it. As much as I respect her, she’s not at all practical and that’s pretty annoying . But now I’m being made to feel the the A**hole for being selfish.
NTA your family sound selfish. My family are just happy to see me and understand that I’m just trying to survive, I usually bring some fruits with me and something sweet for them
I appreciate it. I’ve elaborated my situation in the comment.
NTA to not spend money you don’t have. I am sorry they are pressuring this.
NTA. I feel your struggle. Coming from another Asian culture, this expectation of always bringing ‘gifts’ for families can be suffocating, especially when we are not in a good financial situation. What I did when I was in your situation was to bring speciality snacks from the country where I reside. It felt better because: 1. Everybody loves snacks, so it’s not a waste or piling up useless stuff. 2. It can be cheap and yet still feel special.
I tell you, Latinos and Asians are siblings separated at birth. We’ve got that expectation of gifts, too, and it can be such a pain when you have a big family and a small budget.
Easy-to-display souvenirs (post cards, magnets, keychains), some flashy (but cheap) bracelets and snacks are my go-tos.
Also, learn to pack a single bag for your whole trip. That way, you can always say you *wish* you could’ve brought more, but these greedy airlines just keep raising baggage fees (cue change of subject to the economy).
You’re unemployed and stressed, and gift giving shouldn’t come at the expense of your well being. It’s reasonable to set boundaries, especially if previous gifts were ignored or unnecessary. Parents asking for things when they’ve already visited and received gifts isn’t practical, and wanting to prioritize your own needs isn’t selfish it’s responsible.
What kind of gifts is she asking for? Bling? Decorative items? Crafty gifts? If it’s not the latest electronics or media releases, satisfy her need for something at a thrift store. Lots of pretty and/or useful items in good condition that she won’t know are thrifted. I’ve seen lots of people gift shopping in thrifts.
This is an example of ***”log kya kehenge”*** and family reputations and all this sort of silly mentality.
Learn to cut your family out when it isn’t your responsibility to bear the burden of their expectations.
NTA but if you can afford, get them meaningful but inexpensive gifs
*so this post makes me guilty as it is.*
Then here’s a way to alleviate your guilt.
Your post included the following sentences, but they’re far apart. Put them together:
*They have been incredibly kind to me*
*I’m not earning right now, infact struggling… stop pestering an already stressed kid.*
Those two sentiments don’t go together. Do you see that? Incredibly kind people who know that a person is struggling financially will not add to that person’s stress by pestering them to spend money they don’t have.
So only one of two things can be true:
Either they are NOT incredibly kind people, OR you have not told them you are struggling.
If it’s the first, you can ignore their requests without feeling any guilt.
If it’s the second, you need to use your words and TELL them.
NTA.
Got a question. Who is paying for the vacation? Just asking because flight tickets aren’t cheap.
INFO how old are you? (cause of the “stresed kid” comment)
Also, what type of gifts are they expecting? Would they be okay with something small or hand made, because their focus is more on feeling appreciated and thought of? Or are they expecting specific items from the country you are living in that cost more than is reasonable for you to buy at this moment?
And do they know you are currently unemployed?
Since a lot of people are asking here’s a bit of info:
I’m 25 recent grad so I’m broke af . I’ve some savings and will have to ask my parent to float me for a bit. I’m looking to break into law and it’s a stressful period.
I guess it’s not that much about money as is the phase of life. I’m not in a celebratory mood. I’ve rent and bills to pay before I leave. I’ve subscriptions to pay for( essential ones). Plus, in my culture people are not appreciative of struggle.
They assume you have a good life if you life abroad regardless. My parents could sent me money but it’s not convenient, so I’m barely surviving.
I guess the reason for my frustration is not money primarily it’s the sheer ignorance and the facade I’m supposed to uphold. I’ll get them gifts when I get a job. How am I even supposed to shop during this time of the year, everywhere it’s so crowded. I’m juggling a bunch of things, I’m going home to get peace and rethink life.
The expense in not huge if I think about it but I don’t have the time or energy to do that when I’ve a 15 hr flight to catch and unresponsive employees to email.
I’ll buy them something from the airport, but unfortunately it’ll be from obligation than love. And it does not make me feel good