First of all I am not native english and I have a speech defect. The „hoggish“ is meaning „verfressen“ in german because I don’t know what the exact meaning is. It’s a bit complex so its long Im sorry.
As in the title I called one of my closer friends in a jokingly way hoggish because they wanted to have a cake from me, that was supposed to be sold at our bake sale. My other friend lets call them Lisa, snapped at me for indirectly giving my friend a eating disorder and calling them fat since they’re on the chubbier side. I responded that it’s not so deep and my other friend agreed. Since it wasn’t the first time she called me out for saying a word/joke thats not politically-correct I wanted a better view from her why she calls me out every time. In the end she yelled at me and called me a ‚bully‘ infront of the whole class and ran away crying. If it only had ended there-
Our teacher told us, me and my friend, to talk it out with Lisa. I said my view of the issue that I grew in a more rougher environment and I am used to calling people slurs as a morning greeting (not in a corny way) and Im trying my best to be more socially aware like with therapy. Lets just say she didn’t take that well. My other friend left and I was now alone with her. She rambled about her depression, how bad it is for her at home, how she is so bad at school, that she has ADHD (undiagnosed) and that shes so poor and can barely effort new shoes. Her shoes are passed down from the cousin of her mother and so on. When I wanted to tell her I got therapy and did better myself and I don’t like comparing who got it worse, she would interrupt me and question me, if I really had depression and said she listened to me for 30min now I gotta listen to her. Really, my part was only max. 8 min I looked at the clock.
I wasted 30 min listening to her and she just downplayed my feelings most of the time. I just disliked her from then on. Maybe I am biased but calling me out over a word infront of the whole class and giving me the title ,bully‘ is just not it… also she kinda mocks another kid for being „creepy“ like???
Now I don’t wanna talk to her for a while. I know some parts it was more my fault but I‘m not her therapist. Genuinely that experience left me with a bit of hazy memories since it felt like a fever dream.
Am I the asshole?
I don’t think your an asshole I just don’t know how many ppl say it like that
YTA. There is no joking when demeaning someone else. It’s just abuse. You have a chance to learn and correct the path you’re on, but it seems like you’d rather be the person who leaves others scorched.
YTA, you sound young and you mention classes and teachers, so I’m assuming you’re indeed quite young. Try and see this as a learning opportunity for how you can deal with others.
1. Growing in a rougher environment is no excuse to insult others. Hoggish makes a reference to pigs, so Lisa’s POV seems valid here.
2. It’s brave of her to call it out in front of others, actually. Standing for someone else isn’t something easy.
3. Your friend agreeing with you might even be because they didn’t want to cause more chaos, that doesn’t mean they liked it.
4. If Lisa is calling others creepy (that part isn’t clear to me) makes her potentially wrong as well, however it does not change the fact you had slurred others.
5. You don’t compare how many minutes one has taken or not taken when you’re trying to communicate. Some people need more time, some need less time.
With all that in mind, it does seem she also needs help, so I hope she can find it. If you’re going through therapy, bring this up with your therapist, my views here are based on the limited info you shared, it’ll be much more fruitful to discuss with them.
YTA As you said, it’s not that deep. Calling someone “hoggish” is comparing them to a fat pig. Which is bad. Is there a world in which you think this is flattering?
Lisa calls you out a lot and now is calling you a bully. Because you say rude and cruel things, possibly also slurs, often. So you *are* being a bully.
All the things she explained about her life were to tell you why she cried and why what you did was so upsetting. Like you said, it’s not a competition, but learning about Lisa is supposed to show you that she’s a person with feelings so you feel empathy and control your behavior.
Instead of making excuses just say sorry, you hadn’t thought about what your words meant, and you’ll work on being better.
You’ve admitted that you have a history of making offensive “jokes,” but this is actually your character and who you really are. YTA.