To start – My husband and I are very close with my SIL, her husband and I have never really gotten along, but we tolerate each other (We see them about 1x per week).
They have a 11 month old baby, and I have a 9 month old. SIL and I are always asking each other for advice and how to parent our babes better.
Both babies are very advanced for their age. Standing on their own, eating 3-5 meals a day, trying to walk.
Today we went to dinner together and were talking about transitioning babies to their own room (I did at 6 months old, and now have a baby that sleeps 10+ hours a night).
BIL is very over protective of LO. I’ve never seen anyone else hold the baby. LO can’t cry or he freaks out. Anything she wants he gives her. And everything bad is blamed on teething. No solid food or water when he is around because she may gag.
SIL and I were talking about how sleep training was going for them and wanting advice on how I did it successfully. (it is not going great for them. Baby wakes every 1-2 hours and is up for hours at night.)
I was giving some suggestions that worked for us – 5 10 15 self soothing rule, BIL said I’m a terrible mother for letting baby cry.
– try to give baby teething toy / board book to help her self soothe if she wakes (which was approved by doctor), BIL said I’m going to kill my baby due to SIDS.
I excused myself and baby after these comments and went home.
AITA for offering advice? I will not be talking baby advice going forward with either of them, but this is a constant conversation with SIL so I was giving my suggestions and what helped us.
NTA you were just trying to be helpful and give out advice that works for you and something the doctor approved
NTA.
Baby sleep training is hard! However, that was probably just his insecurities talking. I wouldn’t take it personally. If he wants to be awake for the next 3 years at night…let him suffer through it. That is punishment enough.
NTA. BIL only needed to say he didn’t want advice. He didn’t need to be rude to you. Nothing you said was rude or critical. Your SIL might want advice still, but if her and her husband are not on the same page about it, that’s a conversation for them to have. I’m sure their sleep deprivation isn’t helping. Good instinct to not advise either of them anymore. Sorry you had to hear that “terrible mother” line.
>SIL and I were talking about how sleep training was going for them and wanting advice on how I did it successfully.
NTA. You didn’t give unsolicited advice. You were asked. And now that you know how BIL will react, if you are asked again, I’d be very honest and say you aren’t comfortable helping out given how BIL reacted the last time.
NTA. Sounds like SIL asked for tips since she know you did it successfully. Maybe suggest to BIL if he got better sleep at night maybe he wouldn’t be an asshole no one wants to be around.
NTA- you were answering questions directly asked of you, not pandering unwanted advice. Your attitude about BIL’s parenting style is kinda rude though. He sounds anxious but at least he’s attentive.
I was about to give a YTA for unsolicited advice, but then everything you were writing is describing what you are currently doing for your baby, without it saying that you were suggesting that they do it too. Big difference IMO.
Yelling at you that your baby will have SIDS was *super inappropriate* and he owes you an apology. NTA.
If you were discussing with your SIL and he was eavesdropping and also criticising your parenting choices, he should kick bricks.
Except her SIL *did* ask.
NTA. You didn’t just randomly offer advice. You and SIL eye discussing it. Your BIL really needs therapy around his over concern for his kid. Try not to take it personally.
NTA
SIL asked you how you did it, and you told her. BIL was the AH here
NTA, BIL needs a parenting class.
Not wanting to put toys in an infants crib and not wanting to let your child “cry it out,” are not bad things. He could have more kindly rejected the advice without being judgmental, but I don’t think he needs to take a parenting class.
But he doesn’t understand. The toys in the crib is a concern for babies unable to clear their face. An 11 mo old is not going to suffocate because their face got stuck in a toy (particularly not a teething toy or a board book). And letting baby cry isn’t terrible for them, in moderation. He’s not saying those choices aren’t for him, he’s saying they are wrong
He called you a terrible mother? They would be the last time I saw him. NTA