I (21M, trans) attended a family Christmas party this evening with around 30 people in attendance. I have a disability and require crutches to get around safely. My 9yo cousin, entirely unprompted, decided to sit on a bench and flop his legs around, wining "I can’t walk, I can’t walk," while I was passing by. I told him that it wasn’t funny and told his mom (my 40 yo aunt) to explain to him why it wasn’t appropriate. She said it wasn’t a big deal.
This conversation caused 7 different family members, all adults, to come by and ask what he did. He did it again. And all of them laughed and told him he was so funny. I tried, again, to explain that I didn’t find it funny and I felt like it was inappropriate, but another cousin of mine (21 F) said, "It’s okay because it’s [deadname]." I said "No, it’s not. That’s never funny."
The 9yo started crying and said I was being a meanie and, to my surprise, everyone around us agreed. It’s possible my tone was harsh, but it’s not as if I was yelling at him. I really don’t think I was the asshole, but everyone is telling me I was being immature because he’s only nine.
This feels like such a cut and dry scenario, but I have never been good with social things, especially when children are involved. So, I feel like I need outside perspectives. AITA here?
NTA.
JFC your whole family sound awful.
WTF is wrong with your family?!?
NTA.
NTA – “*She said it wasn’t a big deal*.” – If this happened to me, I’d be digging up things from her past and have her son repeat it over and over.
Unless your family are all psychos, there must be more to the story.
Otherwise, NTA.
I really can’t think of anything I’m leaving out of the story that would make me more in the wrong. This specific cousin is actually one of the ones I see regularly and he’s been making comments like this for weeks. I’ve told him to stop it before and he never cried or anything. I’ve mentioned it to his mom once before since it keeps happening and last time I said something, she said she would talk to him about his behavior.
The only thing I can really think of is that I might have sounded more angry than I intended to. I’m not very good with tone. But no one told me I was yelling they just told me I needed to let it go because he’s 9 and it’s Christmas.
From what I read of the story
– your family is laughing at a 9yo making fun of your disability, even after you’ve said its not okay.
-another member of your family is deadnaming you and they’re laughing, even though you say its not okay.
-the 9yos mum thinks youre in the wrong to be upset and that she doesn’t need to correct her child.
Either your family is evil and weird, or there is more to the story. You dont have to justify this to us. You know if your family is crazy evil and super unhealthy to be around, you can make that judgement yourself.
If this seems out of character, there is more to the story. If not, please get distance and get help, and im very sorry.
I mean “my family is ablelist and transphobic” isn’t some kind of outlandish accusation of Cartoon Evil. That’s a lot of peoples’ daily lives, right there.
NTA
> “It’s okay because it’s \[deadname\].”
INFO: What the heck is this?
He’s only 9? (***not*** **excusing** his actions)
NTA that kid sounds despicable
NTA, maybe it’s time for a bit of distance with your family.
People never believe me when I tell them a 9 year old can be an asshole just as much as any adult. NTA
This story is hard to believe on it’s face – you’ve surely missed some context, and thus failed to report it.
Otherwise your family are a bunch of ableist jerks, with a transphobe on the side.
Assuming that many of the relevant adults are able to maintain steady employment in a world that at least sometimes penalizes people for being jerks in the workplace, there must be something else going on.
But until I know what, NTA.
>bunch of ableist jerks, with a transphobe on the side.
I am extremely disappointed to inform you, but this is incredibly more possible than you might think….😐😕
NTA—9 is plenty old to understand that making fun of people that way is wrong
And 21 is also plenty old to understand the same thing, and that deadnaming is wrong too.
I’m guessing your family is not as accepting as one might want family to be, and that makes them think making fun of you is allowed, and I’m sorry for that, OP