I have been married for 5 years now going on 6 in may of next year. Our relationship is great no complaints no kids, great communication and sex. But there is times where I think of being intimate with other people, I think it’s more of that adrenaline of being with someone else I desire. I don’t just wanna go out and sleep with the first person I lay eyes on but I just have that urge to be intimate with other men. I haven’t cheated on my husband, and I’m pretty sure if I talk to him about this desire I have he will leave and not be cool with it. I just don’t know what I’m missing or why I desire other men with no intentions of being in a relationship with them just a one night stand and that’s it. AITA for thinking this? PLEASE be honest
Future you in 5 years: I told my husband I’m “not happy” and I want a divorce. AITA?
Uh. You’re going to have to decide if your desires or your marriage is more important. Just cause we have desires doesn’t mean we should act on them. Hopefully you figure it out. Also take note, if your husband for whatever reason is ok with this, means you’ve to be ok with him sleeping with other women too.
Edit: NTA for thinking it. Y T A if you act on it.
Divorce incoming lol
And a saga on BORU where she can’t understand why he left her and found someone else.
Probably should not have been married in the first place if you’re finding yourself attractive to other men besides her husband
NTA but what was the entire point of marrying this man?
talk to a therapist?
Just remember, the grass is always greener, and once you do something you cant just undo it. Marriages go through ups and downs. Make sure you’re not going to regret it when you screw this one up.
Guess what? As adults we don’t have to do everything we think, or act on everything that flits through our brains. We can even refuse to entertain intrusive thoughts such as fantasizing about sleeping around.
If you value your marriage, you will seek therapy for this. If you do not care, go right ahead and act out your fantasies but know that your marriage will be over.
I think I was 8 when I realized the truth of “you can’t have your cake and eat it too”. So, yes, YWBTAH if you cheated for the reasons you laid out.
YTA!!! you took vows when u married him. spice things up in the bedroom, roleplay as strangers, do not cheat on your husband
NTA because you haven’t acted on anything and it’s all just thoughts,
Loving someone is a choice. Every day is a choice. You choose that person about all others, you choose to work things out with that person. Ignoring these desires and choose your husband, each day, is why you are still married and still together (and he’s doing the same for you),
As long as you never act on them there’s nothing wrong with having desires, or fantasies, it’s all in your head.
It’s up to you if you want to continue to choose your husband and love and marriage and monogamy or if you want to end your marriage to fulfil these desires (which won’t be anywhere near as good as the fantasy).
Anybody who knows me will say I’m almost too militant against adultery. I’d stop being friends with somebody who cheated or had an affair or led an unbalanced open relationship, with prejudice
But, we all get those feelings. The important part is proving your love and dedication by staying faithful — or taking the leap for greener pastures, with clear communication and the commitment to not come crawling back if you regret your choices. The one thing you *cannot* do is have both
NTA (yet)
NTA for feeling sexual attraction to others. You don’t stop being a red-blooded human just because you’re married.
You have two options;
1. suppress this urge or find other outlets that do not violate your implied contract of exclusivity with your husband, or
2. find out if a sexually open marriage is an option.
If it is an option, you’re in luck. There are many successful and happy non-monogamous relationships out there, but there are also plenty of pitfalls for the inexperienced.
The most important thing is that you MUST have a solid and consistent foundation of real trust, and open communication completely without judgement. You need clear boundaries, you need to be open to boundaries shifting, and you need to be prepared to be hurt by things you weren’t expecting. You also need the ability to truthfully introspect and understand your own emotions and feelings, and be able to take full personal accountability for them, so that you can articulate them clearly with your partner.
I know there are a few good books out there, about navigating ethical-non-monogamy. I think a good first step is to first educate yourself on what these relationships can look like – there are many variations and dynamics out there.
Good luckon your journey.
NTA for just thinking it, as everyone has desires, but you would absolutely be the asshole if you act on it. As an adult with the power of critical thinking, just be aware that you don’t have to act on every impulse you have. If you want to maintain your relationship, keep this in your thoughts only.