Okay, so, I didn’t have a great childhood. I got blamed for a lot being the last child. Nearing Adulthood, I had one sister send police to my workplace to try and get me arrested because I talked shit about her raising her kids. The cop left, I went back to work and the next day CPS was investigating her.
Another was years before, barely highschool and one sister and her son thought it’d be funny to attempt a catfish. Ended before anything explicit because it was fishy, but it also damages my trust in people as a whole.
Now it’s been several years, nobody visits the parents for holidays except me. They’re always too busy. But the one year I’m reconnecting with my parents and offer to make Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners… Suddenly those two sisters get in contact with my parents to plan stuff the day I already planned for dinner. So I need to either do it the day before or after, and already had to do Thanksgiving the day before because of one.
Been here, taking care of my parents, cleaning up after them. Cooking for them. And I’m told to just stfu and get over it when other family decides they want to visit after hearing I’m making food.
AITA for deciding to skip Christmas dinner cooking for people that actively tried to get me arrested in the past?
I’m genuinely being told to just forgive and forget, but what was done feels unforgivable in both instances.
Forgive? Maybe. Forget? Never.
NTA, your parents don’t appreciate what you’ve done for them and are belittling what you went through. Time to tell them they can rely on their precious daughters who never visit if they think so little of you and end the caretaking. Enjoy your Christmas away from people who don’t appreciate you.
Thanks, it means a lot. Anytime I try to bring this up I’m met with “we spent so much more raising you” but I’ve never seen them use this attitude towards my sisters ever. Even when my dad had to take off work to sit in class with one of them because they kept skipping.
It’s kind of confusing because you said that no one visits your parents on holidays except for you, but then in almost the next sentence you said t’s the one year you’re reconnecting with your parents .
And later toward the end, you said that you’re the one who’s been caring for them cooking for them.
How long have you been caring for them and iOS or daily/weekly? And why did you say you were reconnecting this year if you’ve been the one taking care of them and the only one visiting on holidays?
do you live there with your parents? do you pay rent?
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NTA “Oh they are coming over? That sounds lovely. I can’t cook for x people so what are they bringing or what restaurant have you booked?”
“Oh you expect me to cook? I hope that they don’t eat much because this chicken serves 4.”
Just step away. I am also the youngest and expected to do everything for everyone. When I voiced out, they would say I was ungrateful and they did so much for me. Stepping away and focusing on myself is the best decision I’ve made.
Are your parents aging and in need of care, being taken to appointments, etc? Is there an estate to inherit? Do they have a will,? I’d find out if there’s a valid, up to date will and legal document to assign decision -making powers. Why? Because you sound as if you’ll do the bulk of the running around for them as time passes. Then the estate will be equally divided. ( Which is hardly fair). Do they have assets to bequeath? If so, your siblings may be playing a long game here with an eye on these. I’d find out who holds this power and what’s planned for your parents’ estate. Then I’d decide how to proceed. Sounds callous but you should decide if it’s worth it to you to do all this stuff for your parents. If you’re financially well off and don’t need an inheritance, continue to help them out. But run down the assets by using their money and equity to pay for the best ($$$) care services for the aging. That will effectively reduce any inheritance fund to be distributed unfairly to your siblings.
NTA.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to minimize your experience in any way. But parenthood is like some supernatural dark magic, taking over your brain, and sometimes it’s hard to understand parents unless you are one… Because they don’t always make sense.
I get that it feels to you that you are making all the effort and it goes unappreciated. And that truly sucks. But l doubt that this has anything to do with you. Your parents most likely appreciate it and that makes them feel safe. When your siblings suddenly contact them, they don’t want to say no to them because they still love their children and want to see them as well.
They are probably aware that if they would ask them to come on a different day, they wouldn’t come at all. So they push you aside because they know you are more reliable. So this isn’t them showing you that you matter less, it’s them showing you that they trust you more.
Sounds like your parents take you for granted and are willing to set you aside when there is the slightest possibility of getting any attention from their older children.
You’re NTA.