For context, my husband (33M) and I (31F) have a 5month old baby. My best friend is gettting married and made special arrangenents to accomodate our baby to be able to attend the wedding. I am a bridesmaid.
My husband flat out refused to attend the wedding with our child. We are currently going through alot as we have to manage meeting his family for christmas, recently bought a house and will be moving in January and his work is stressful atm too. I am on mat leave currently. Husbad got mad at me for even expecting him to attend the wedding with the baby given everything going on and was upset that he had to say no instead of me suggesting that in the first place. He said it would be way easier to take care of the baby alone at home than bring her to the event (which is fair).
AITA for hoping he would still make an effort to try and attend atleast 1/3 of the wedding events with the baby? I was really looking forward to making this wedding memory with my husband and baby and I am really sad that it wont be happening. Also feel like a bad best friend for not letting her know well in advance that they wont be attending. I have seen/heard so many people take their babies to weddings and it makes me sad that I have to attend such events on my own. Fully acknowledge the lift it would be on his part but still wished it could have happened 🙁
Sorry, but you’re the AH because you’re a bridesmaid. If you were just a guest, and able to take full responsibility for the baby, I’d say NTA. However, a bridesmaid is running around all day. Your husband doesn’t want to deal with a baby and probably wants a break. Unless you change to a guest, YTA.
YTA – I agree. Assuming bridesmaids are at the head table, you won’t be with him for either the wedding itself, during photos, or dinner. How exactly would you be ‘making this wedding memory’ together?
YTA. You won’t have much time to make memories with your husband and baby. As a bridesmaid you’ll be with the bride for most of the day if not all. You’re setting your husband up for trying to take care of a baby for a huge chunk of the day away from home. Where is your kid going to nap? Will your husband have to hold her or will he have to sit with her in whatever accommodations your friend has come up with?
Sorry sweets, but YTA
I’m with your husband. What a faff, driving there with all the baby stuff, and then he can barely attend the wedding anyway bc he’s on childcare. He won’t get any enjoyment out of it, and the baby will be a stress.
Don’t you think it would be calmer for the baby if they just stayed home? You don’t have a logical reason for them needing to be at the wedding. I suspect you want to show other people your cute baby and husband. That’s not really fair on them.
YTA. He doesn’t want to deal with the extra work and difficulty of taking care of a kid at a party. It’s hard work. That being said, I’m Hispanic and it’s very normal to take babies to big parties like that. So I think it was fair and justified that you asked. But not means no. Respect it.
When did you tell him about the wedding?
And I think NAH. You’re NTA for hoping he’d make an effort to attend, but he’s NTA for not wanting to go. There’s a lot going on and it sounds like he’s stressed, so that’s very reasonable, especially with a baby that young.
I’m sorry though. I’m sure you’ll still have so much fun! Your friend will just be happy that you’re coming I’m sure, and it can be a special day shared with just you guys.
YTA. Not even a great idea for the baby.
YTA.
When did this term “making memories” become a reason to do things ? Spending “quality time” is another one that drives me mad. It’s called life. And your 5 month old will not care in the slightest down the line that she was at your friend’s wedding and won’t remember anything of it.
He is right. It’ll be so much easier for him to mind your baby at home, in a familiar environment, where they’re used to everything and all the equipment etc you need is around. They won’t have any fun at a wedding and you’re not available to help out. Or if you feel you need to help then you’re not doing your bridesmaid job properly. Go enjoy the wedding and seeing as he’s the one who will be minding the baby it’s his call where and how he wants to do it.
If your baby is formula fed it’s going to be so much easier for your husband to just keep the baby at home and not go lugging baby stuff around at an all day event.
INFO: You say your friend made arrangements to accommodate the baby, what does that mean? How much responsibilities/heavy lifting would your husband be require to do during the wedding?
Also you say you are a bridesmaid, does that mean your husband would be the sole caretaker of your baby during the entire wedding?
What kind of memories do you mean you were hoping to make with your husband and baby during a wedding that is for your friend?
I mean the baby is kind of young for a wedding
Why on earth would you want a baby at a wedding?
Gently, Y T A or N A H. You’re allowed to be disappointed but I would never agree to this if I were your husband either.
YTA. Thank your friend for offering the childcare, but tell her your wonderful husband has decided to stay home with the baby so you can attend.
Then thank your husband for seeing to it that you can have a stress free time at the wedding and knowing your child is safe at home.
You want your husband there simply to watch you. You have duties as a bridesmaid that will mean you won’t be together for most of the event. Even you said it’d be easier to take care of the baby at home rather than leave her care to strangers.
Around here on Reddit, we’re constantly battling the “my husband doesn’t take care of the baby” or “my husband considers it babysitting when I ask him to take care of the baby” syndromes.
You should be relieved that you have an attentive partner who is a loving and caring father and who isn’t griping about putting in solo daddy time.