My wife and I (34 F and 35 M) have been together for 12 years, married for 6. No kids, no plans for kids.
We’re not really religious. I was raised Catholic, she’s a flavor of Protestant. She’s the more religious of the two of us, but at most she goes to church once or twice a month by herself, and sometimes I’ll see her praying during the day. This has been consistent throughout our relationship, so it’s not like she suddenly became more religious.
We’ve had a bad year. Financially, things are shakey, we got hit with injury, friend loss, death. 2025 has totally sucked.
Every year, she goes to the Christmas Eve service by herself. She says the candles, hymns, etc. remind her of her happiest childhood memories, and she says I’m welcome to join, but never makes me. This year, she’s asked me to come with as a Christmas gift, and to go out to dinner afterward.
I really don’t want to go. I don’t care if she goes, and I don’t have anything against her faith, I just resent being asked in the first place.
I told her that I’d really need to think about it, but I’m leaning towards no. She said that was fine, but then she left the house for a little. We have each other’s locations and it looked like she went for a walk. That was a few weeks ago.
If I don’t go, I have some just-in-case gifts I bought when times were better financially. So I have something to give her, it’s not like she won’t get anything, and TBH it’s nicer than what we can afford right now, so it’s probably nicer than whatever she got me.
We didn’t talk about the plans again until she was going over the Christmas week grocery list the other day and she reminded me that she won’t be home that evening, so I need to tell her if I want something specific to cook. I didn’t realize I’d be cooking if I didn’t go with her, so mentioned that and it caused a little fight. We decided that she’ll bring back leftovers if I don’t join her. But she’s been a little icy ever since. AITA??
YTA. It’s one small (non-material!) thing she asked for.
Why not entertain it if it’s means a lot to her?
The expensive gifts will never replace the supportive partner
YTA. You said she doesn’t force you to go and usually doesn’t even ask you. Now she’s asked. This has to do with spending time with your wife, not about where you go. Suck it up to make her happy.
I was generally OK with this until your last paragraph. Oh boo hoo, you have to cook because she won’t be home? Be a man and take care of your wife. From the last paragraph, it doesn’t even sound like you like her. Do better, go with her Christmas Eve, go out to dinner and make 2026 your year.
Wow! one small christmas gift she asked of you and all you are concerned with is that you’ll have to cook your own dinner? Maybe she is going to pray for a better husband. Sorry! and I don’t even go to church. It’s something you do for someone you love.
Honestly- YTA just for not being supportive and thinking an expensive gift makes up for quality time. You’ve both had a hard year, she wants her husband with her while she does the things that are important to her.
You won’t even do that, AND you won’t even feed yourself for one night? I would be icy with you too.
Do you like your wife? Do you love her? Just go to the church for one night. You can even say ‘this isn’t my thing but we had a hard year, I won’t promise I’ll go next year- but I want to be with you this year.’
I’m sure this sub will pretty universally agree with you because reddit hates religion, but YTA.
It’s one hour for one day and it would mean a lot to your wife. She’s really, really not asking for much.
And honestly, your whole attitude seems super shitty here. Comparing gift quality? Whining when she won’t cook dinner on an evening she has plans?Maybe you were just in a bad mood writing this or something, but it really reads like you resent the hell out of her or something.
YTA. Dude this is clearly important to your wife. It’s a tiny gesture. She’s struggling with the bad stuff you guys went through this year and is looking to you for support. Go with her. Take her to dinner. And then give her the just in case gifts as well so she can have a great Christmas as a distraction from a tough year.
YTA
Dude. It’s an hour/hour-and-half. Are you willing to throw away 12 years over a 2 hour request?
There is no material gift that will give her what she wants. She wants YOU at CHURCH with HER.
Damn I feel bad for your wife. YTA
Dude! It’s not rocket science. She is asking you to join her. What is the harm if it makes her happy?
You are obviously in a long term relationship. She is struggling. By your own admission it has been a rough year. She needs you by her side.
YTA, not for skipping church, but for expecting her to go alone to something she wanted to do together and STILL come home and cook you dinner. Make your own dinner. You’re a grown man.
“My wife and I are struggling, and the only thing she’s asked for Christmas is for me to go with her.”
Go with her. It’s obviously important. Are you an asshole? Not necessarily. But if it’s the only thing she wants for Christmas, it could be a nice gesture. It could help your marriage.
Did I read that right? You expect her to make dinner for you if you don’t go to the service with her? And you had a fight over that?!?
It is one thing to not want to go with her. But, to expect her to still make sure you are fed? Wtf? Cook for yourself or go to the service.
YTA already.
YTA, at the very most 2 hours of a little ” discomfort ” to attend something special for your wife. She actually asked, this would have been the easiest meaningful gift you could have gotten her.