My mother always used to make me hug people i didn’t want to (typically old friends of hers whom i hadn’t even met before then and, when i was young i did it because i didn’t think i had much of a choice. Now, to my knowledge, she (and my sister) thoroughly believes that people should be able to do what they want with their bodies, and not let anyone tell them what to do with it.
Despite that, I’m still treated as if refusing hugs is somehow wrong. I don’t avoid hugging because I dislike people; I avoid it because too much physical contact makes me feel overwhelmed and claustrophobic. When I say no, I’m often guilt-tripped in the moment or criticized later, which leaves me feeling like I’ve done something selfish.
The biggest problem is when my sister wants physical affection (typically hugs or cuddles) and i simply don’t want to, not because i don’t love her, but because i don’t like hugs. Whenever i refuse, or go metaphorically kicking and screaming (usually after being guilted), she interprets that as a slight against her and my mother ALWAYS thinks i should hug my sister whenever she wants without even considering my feelings on the matter because ‘i don’t like it’ isn’t a good enough excuse. My mother and sister send me mixed messages – ‘Don’t let anyone tell you what to do with your body’, ‘You have to do this otherwise i’ll be disappointed’ and it just makes me feel like an asshole…
NTA your body your choice.
I am so sorry you are made to feel guilt for refusing touch… you are NTA. As you said yourself. Your body, your choice.
As I always say, you are not obligated to hug or kiss, but you have to greet. So as long as you are polite and say hello, that is absolutely sufficient
Nta the weird double standard is weird
NTA – you aren’t into hugs or cuddling. Forced hugs go against your nature. Might be time to have with them to get this matter cleared up
NTA. If it has to be “on demand”, it isn’t heartfelt. One real hug because you felt it matters more that a lot of insincere hugs and air-kisses.
NTA. If someone forces a hug, stand rigid and unresponsive until they back off.
NTA, but I don’t think you’ve had this conversation with them yet. I also don’t think until they actually wilfully discount or ignore your autonomy they’re TA precisely. It’s extremely common to have principles that don’t fit 100% with our desires or not fully considered actions. The decisive moment comes once they become aware of the contradiction.
While hugs are common in my circle for hi / goodbye, those who don’t like hugs offer a fist bump or handshake or bow as a polite greeting. Can you try one of those? The trick is to do it before they go in for the hug.
NTA. Bodily Autonomy is extremely important and yo don’t have to let \*anyone\* into your personal space if you don’t want to. if you want to compromise (and \*you don’t have to\*) offer an elbow bump instead.
Pro tip, fart every single time someone hugs you. Every single time.
Become known as the hug farter.
Pretty nice not to need to deal with all the hugs.
INFO what are the ages of your and your sister?
NTA at all. Bodily autonomy is always inportant.
Tell them straight up: What you’re teaching me is that if a guy wants a hug, i should always accept even if i don’t want. And when i’ll have a boyfriend/girlfriend, i should always be available for sex, even if i’m not in the mood, uncomfortable or sick.
NTA. Claiming to support bodily autonomy, yet insisting on physical affection, is contradictory, and they need to be called out on it. You don’t owe anyone hugs/cuddles/etc.
I have family that are very huggy, yet they understand this. Even the most stubborn among them are capable of asking if I’m up for a hug, and if the answer is no, they accept it.