I (33M) have been with my wife (35F) for 15 years. When we met, she was a single mom to a newborn after her ex abandoned them. I stepped up at 18 and have been the sole provider ever since. Until recently, I never made more than \~$25k/year, so finances were always tight.
In 2020, after my parents could no longer afford to help us with housing, my mother-in-law (MIL) convinced her then-husband to buy a home for my wife, kids, and me. We were hesitant because their relationship was volatile, but MIL promised there would be protection and that he’d never take the house from the kids. He paid \~$232k in full, and the title listed me, my wife, MIL, and him. No agreement was ever presented.
About a year later, MIL was jailed for a dispute with him. While she was incarcerated, he filed for divorce and later a partition action seeking to force the sale of the house. We were blindsided. At the time I made \~$22k/year and couldn’t finance the home. I begged MIL to resolve the house through the divorce by buying him out with her proceeds and letting me repay *her* once we were financially stable. She refused, saying it would reduce her payout.
MIL hired a lawyer for herself but left us to self-represent for nearly four years while I worked and attended school full-time. Throughout this, she repeatedly promised she’d sign over her share “because the house was for the kids.”
Eventually, to protect my family from losing the home, I settled with her ex for $125k through a refinance (even though his legal share was closer to $80k). That debt exists solely because of MIL’s dispute with him and refused to resolve the issue earlier. During mediation, despite her minimal involvement, I even split her mediation costs with her ex’s counsel, saving her about $1,200.
MIL contributed $0 to the home, doesn’t live here, and walked away from the divorce with nearly $500k. Despite years of promises, she now refuses to relinquish her 25% ownership, claiming it’s “to protect us”, even though the only situation we needed protection from has already been resolved without her help. I later learned she told my mother the house was part of her retirement plan.
So now I’m carrying six figures of debt to keep a roof over my kids’ heads, while also preserving equity for my MIL in a home she never paid for or lived in.
AITA for asking her to sign over her share?
This is a legal dispute, not an AH situation.
Yes primarily a legal dispute.
But all the things OP accused MIL OP is guilty of as well.
“while also preserving equity for my MIL in a home she never paid for or lived in.”
Up until OP bought out the ex-husband OP had not paid for any of the house.
If ex legally had $80k at 25% equity (morally I’d say the ex husband should have had 100% equity) that means OP had $160k at 50% equity (counting OP and wife’s share), that means that OP ended up paying $125k for about $240k too own 75% of the house. That is a bargain/steal.
OP does not have a leg to stand on, only reason OP got that delay is because of MIL.
You have equity in a house where you had no deposit you had to pay? In which there was no mortgage payments to be made monthly for years? This sounds like it was a big help. I think you need to change your perspective.
Sounds like you haven’t really paid to live in it either. You complain about financing 125k for a house to the guy who was not even related to any of you who put over 200k on it. You are not entitled to anything. If the stipulation was your mil has a percentage then she owns that percentage. If you want the house then buy her out. Get a job that actually pays to support your family that you are responsible for. Your wife needs a job too. Your parents and her mom are not responsible for paying your way as adults. Sell that house and give your mil her share and buy a different house. Or buy her out and fully own the house. Yta.
If you think you have a legal claim over a verbal agreement that she agreed to give her share up eventually to help her grandkids then her argument will be that she will leave her share in her grandkids name only for when they turn 18 upon her death unless you have a proof of a specific date she promised to give up her share and specifically to who then you have no case.
[deleted]
“Even though she didn’t pay for it, you wouldn’t have that equity without MIL.”
Oh MIL certainly paid for it alright. It might not have been in cash, but she paid for it in other ways.
I think it is reasonable that MIL intended to sign it over but the divorce changed things. And/or that MIL plan is to leave it to her daughter in the will, also reasonable.
How much MIL got in the divorce is immaterial. It does not seem that MIL is using the 25% equity she is just holding it.
She did pay for it – they were married. This wasn’t a random guy she asked a favour from.
She convinced her husband to spend their savings on her child’s family. Ops twisted it into saying he paid for it, which is a bit of a red flag in how he perceives things. Probably why MIL isn’t giving up her 25% because OP thinks he owns everything, not his wife.
You need to change your perspective, your $125k is still around half what your in-laws paid for the house.
You haven’t been screwed here, you still own a house going up in value which you never paid the full deposit for. When she was married to her partner THEY paid for this home, not just her husband.
You are asking her to give up equity that she is entitled to. Is it frustrating she said she’d sign it over and didn’t? Yes. But you haven’t been screwed. Also she isn’t protecting you. She’s protecting her daughter and grandchildren in case you try to screw them.
“After my parents could no longer afford to help us with housing”. Most people don’t have the safety net of their parents or in-laws buying them a house. I feel like you’ve been given a lot of help actually. Why doesn’t she deserve a share of the house? She was married to the person who used their money to purchase it.
And claims to have been the sole provider! Guy is deluded.
YTA. Now you know how the husband probably felt after buying you a whole house. Nothing in life is free, the grift is over. Welcome to adulthood.
YTA
Her share is part of her divorce settlement. That you wasted a lot of money because you lost your nerves is NOT HER falut, and NOT HER problem.
You paid off her ex, why are you nwilling to be equally fair to HER?
YTA, you didn’t contribute anything towards the house purchase, you should be grateful.
YTA. You got half a free house. And you’re patting yourself on the back awful hard for “stepping up” when you never in a decade made enough money to support yourself even and had to rely on your MIL.