For some context, a year ago I (23F) was in a friend group with Joe (23M), Mary (23F), Mona (23F), Ryan (23M), Tim (23 M), and Harry (23 M). Ryan and I had known each other for a really long time before the friend group was even formed. When we all started hanging out as a group, I became closest to Joe. But the thing is, I see Joe as a brother and he sees me as a sister. I know people might say that I may be wrong but I’ll explain why further down. After this group came together, Mona and Harry started seeing each other. But during this time, Ryan became super jealous and hostile towards Joe because he thought he liked me and that is how I found that it was actually Ryan who liked me instead. We ended up sitting down and talking through things, and he told me that he had liked me for about a year but didn’t wanna say anything. I told him that I liked him too and wanted to take things very slowly.
After about six months of dating, Ryan had to move away for work. For a while, we tried to make it work but ultimately had multiple big fights and ended up just saying we wanna be friends. Now I wanna preface this by saying that Ryan is the sweetest guy and if our careers hadn’t come in the way, our situation would be very different.
After he left, Harry and Mona broke up since Harry cheated on her with another girl we all know. In the end, Harry ended up asking Joe to speak to Mona about this but ended up blaming him for everything when he refused. Since Harry had also tried to flirt with Mary and I in the past, we both found him super creepy and blocked him. Mona was very upset and ended up saying some very hurtful things to Mary and I which we just couldn’t forgive. The last straw was when I found out that Tim was abusing his then girlfriend. At this point the friend group kind of broke apart, with just Joe, Mary, and I remaining friends while I occasionally text Ryan every couple of months. Harry also tried to text me a few times but I ended up blocking him.
Last week, I woke up to a new group chat made by Ryan, consisting of Tim, Harry, Joe, a girl we knew in our social circle who previously liked Ryan but got rejected, and I. The only two text atp were Ryan saying he wanted everyone to catch up and Harry saying hi to everyone. Ryan is still friends with Tim, Harry, and Mona but he also knew that I had them all blocked. Joe immediately left the gc. I texted Ryan on the side and asked why he thought making a group chat would be a good idea. His reply was a bit irritated and he said that he just wanted to catch up. I didn’t know what to say so I just liked his message and ended up leaving the group chat later that day.
Now I am feeling kind of guilty since Ryan wasn’t really there for all the things that went down. At the same time I really don’t want to get back into the situation with those people since they were very toxic. I wished him happy new years recently and he seems normal but I don’t know.
NTA. The best thing to do here is fill Ryan in on everything that happened that Ryan missed out on and then he’ll understand why you left the group.
You don’t need to stay in any GC where you feel it’s going to be toxic, I’ve left family GC for less.
Even then, it sounds like the GC was made with a petty ulterior motive since OP notes a girl who was long “outcasted” was the only female in the GC. It’s still a NTA move to remove yourself without having to explain to save your own mental wellness
“It occurred to me that you might not be aware of all of the history that caused me to react so strongly when you created the group chat. I think it’s only fair that I give you a quick summary of the toxic behaviors I saw/experienced from members of this group so you can better understand why I have no interest in catching up with with them”
NTA, but if you are feeling guilty about how you left things with him, you can always give him a brief explanation of why you are no longer friends with these people (and I do mean brief: what you wrote in this post is more than sufficient to clarify why these people are no longer in your life).
Then the ball is in his court. If he’s a decent person, he will accept your explanation (whether or not he agrees with your assessment on any of the people in particular). If he pressures you to try to get you to give any of them “another chance”, then he’s being an AH, and you can ignore him with a clear conscience
NTA: the drama is all very early 20s and sounds like you and others grew up while others were trying to rebuild what was. TBH it gives St Elmo’s Fire vibes.
But in all seriousness are you and Joe still friends? You said you’d explained further down and I kind of need this closure. 😩
at the end of the third to last paragraph, op says they are still friends with joe and mary.
Oh my god I am too old for this.
Can someone turn this into a PowerPoint presentation for me? I’m going to need one of those glossaries to work out who’s who.
wait, why was mona mad at you and mary for not wanting to interact with the guy who cheated on her? im so confusedby that part. either way, nta.
I wish this was the level of drama in my life right now. Leaving a group chat? REALLY??
Why should A, B, C, D, E, F and G be a friendship group if y’all gonna date each other and those who are not dating be jealous of those who are. What a mess. ESH either this is unfortunately normal for 20 year olds in the west or you’re all still teens.
Huh? I need a flow chart or a friend tree to decipher all that and even then I’ll probably still be confused
NTA. Instead of feeling Ryan out, just tell him directly why you don’t want to remain friends with them. It’s your choice who you want to be friends with anyway, just as much as it’s his choice who he wants to be friends with.