**AITA** \- Story is about me \[29M\] and a girl \[27F\] that I’ll call Amy (fake). I’m biased and need clarity. Shortened for wordcount.
**Note:**
* Amy is an introvert, a bit quirky, and struggles to make friends.
* We briefly had romantic feelings, it did not work out, but we agreed to stay friends. None of my friends know this.
Against my advice, Amy third-wheeled an international trip and ruined her friendship with her best friend. I felt bad so I invited her to Friendsgiving. I knew she really needed a friend and I knew she really liked the homeowners (Mark and Cindy who were pregnant).
Days prior to event we had a couple meetups which were geared towards what she wanted to do. Personally, I work from home and hate being stuck indoors (literally everyone knows this) but I relented because she was having a rough time.
On the last meetup, after finishing up work together at coffee shop together, I **explicitly** **suggested doing something outdoors (i.e. tennis, running, swimming)**. Amy agreed but when we met up at my place so I could drop off my laptop, she changed her mind stating “I don’t feel like it. I’m sleepy” and dismissed me by going to sleep. On my couch.
I was stunned, annoyed, and told her well leaving. I silently got ready and ignored her. She noticed and said something like “what’s wrong with you? You’re being passive aggressive. It’s not like we made any concrete plans. Besides, you can still play volleyball so what’s the big deal”. We got into an argument where she ended it stating I’m gaslighting her into thinking she’s a bad friend, not to text her, and stormed off.
Sometime later Amy messaged the group and said she’d be bringing drinks to Friendsgiving. **Alcoholic drinks**. I was shocked and privately messaged her “**It’s inconsiderate to bring drinks. Cindy’s pregnant and that’s borderline tone-deaf. I could have kept silent but take this as a wakeup call. You need to put effort to build friendships and what you’re doing isn’t enough**”.
This isn’t the first time she’s done this. Every gathering I’ve invited her to, besides one, she’s always brought stuff Cindy couldn’t consume.
She said she had Cindy’s permission and accused me of shaming her to punish her over our recent fight. She was right-the wording would have been kinder if that argument had not just happened.
I ignored that, re-sent a list of Cindy’s dietary restrictions, and told her everyone else is accommodating so don’t be the only one.
I eventually confirmed with Cindy about this and she did give Amy permission. Mark though stated it was still inconsiderate.
**On the day of Friendsgiving, Amy backed out saying she was too sick to attend.**
**However, she did end up buying a bunch of alcohol and gave it to someone else attending for her.** I don’t know if that was to spite me or because she wanted to maintain good relations with everyone. Either way, I know I could have handled it better.
YTA
YTA. The lead up was unnecessary for your post. Bringing alcohol to a party is fine, everyone doesn’t have to stay sober just cause on singular person is pregnant. You got offended on behalf of someone who already said it was fine, and you majorly overreacted.
Her own husband is having a problem with it, it’s pretty clear the singular person is pregnant and they practically are being gracious hosts.
Also this was to meet up with the said couple, you know, the one that literally cannot drink? And this isn’t the first time Amy has done this action, in the past she has done this to Cindy numerous of times.
Yeah, Not the Asshole. You should call someone out if I’m putting in the work and you decided to be an annoying pit in the road..
Wtf do the outdoors have to do with anything? Or having a drink when a new friend is pregnant?
YTA. She asked Cindy for permission to bring the alcohol. Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean others can’t enjoy it. It’s pretty common to bring alcohol to a gathering. I have sober friends and it’s common to bring alcohol and non alcoholic beverages even when they’re hosting. It’s not a big deal?
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Accommodating Cindy is having food and drinks that she can have, it’s not making sure that nobody eats or drinks everything she can’t have. Cindy said it was fine.
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I’ve never heard of someone feeling they couldn’t consume alcohol just because a pregnant woman is present…especially if the pregnant woman in question doesn’t even care. Also, how strict are Cindy’s dietary limitations that she’s always bringing stuff Cindy can’t consume? Can’t Cindy just not eat that stuff? I don’t really see what the problem is.
Huh? As a currently pregnant woman I wouldn’t even think twice about people drinking around me- what a totally bizarre expectation! I can understand treading lightly around a recently sober alcoholic but a pregnant person? No. Have you also banned smoked fish, soft cheeses and sesame? Probably not. It’s not borderline tone-deaf at all. YTA.
\>She said she had Cindy’s permission and accused me of shaming her to punish her over our recent fight. She was right-the wording would have been kinder if that argument had not just happened.
\>I ignored that, re-sent a list of Cindy’s dietary restrictions, and told her everyone else is accommodating so don’t be the only one.
\>I eventually confirmed with Cindy about this and she did give Amy permission.
And there you go. Everything else was unneccesary. Amy does sound exhausting to be around, but that is NOT what the judgement is here for. You asked if you were TA for calling out Amy for bringing alcohol to a party and based on just your writing for this incident alone, yes, YTA.
Cindy, the ACTUAL host of the friendsgiving, said it was fine for Amy to bring alcohol. That should be enough for you to back off. But you didn’t. Instead, you very much admittedly went for the jugular and attacked Amy for something that yes, you should have stayed silent on. And when you did indeed receive confirmation from Cindy that yes, Amy did ask and got permission to bring alcohol, you double-down in your thoughts thinking that Amy is just out to get you, instead of reaching out to apologise.
You sound like the person you dislike.
YTA. Honestly I feel like you never fully liked her in the first place, the lead up was wildly unnecessary and most of it has nothing to do with your question. It felt like you were trying to shove random complaints in the conversations to try to get people on your side.
I’m regards to your actual question, yeah YTA. Nobody else can drink because ONE woman is pregnant? AND that woman supposedly is okay with other people drinking? It feels like you are almost infantilizing your pregnant friend in order to justify not liking Amy.
YTA. You’re acting like your “friend” is someone so awful and incompetent that you think you deserve a gold star for spending time with her. Nobody is going to pat you on the back for being pity friends with someone you think is beneath you.
YTA
The first half of your post is unnecessary background info to try to make us not like Amy, and has nothing to do with the incident you’re asking about.
What matters is Amy offered to bring drinks. She checked with Cindy, who is the one who can’t drink *and* is the actual host of the event. Cindy said it’s fine.
It’s not your place to speak for Cindy or get offended on her behalf, especially when Cindy already spoke for herself and isn’t bothered. There is nothing wrong with bringing food or drink that *one* person in the group can’t have, especially since she already cleared it with that person!
Amy did nothing wrong, you were just looking for a reason to jump down her throat because you already have crunchiness towards her.