so me (25f) and my best friend (24f) went to a festival together last summer and shared a camp site with her (now ex) boyfriend, four of their male friends and two other girls who i‘m loosely friends with. i don’t think i need to go into detail regarding what happened but i did not get along at all with the bf‘s friends and also my bestie and her then-boyfriend were still in their honeymoon phase so i was basically non-existing to her or anyone else at our camp which made me feel shitty and also triggered my self-hatred and abandonment issues. all in all the entire experience sent me to a really bad place mentally for weeks, or even months, after. me and my bestie have talked about it shortly after, she apologized and i forgave her but stated during that conversation that i nonetheless wouldn’t want to go to another festival in that constellation again.
fast forward to last week. my bestie broke up with her bf after constantly fighting for weeks, however they’re both very rational and on okay terms now. i knew she was going to break up with him so i wasn’t surprised, what did surprise me however was our first talk after their breakup. she sat down and told me how her, the ex-bf and their friends had gotten tickets to the same festival again shortly before (mind you: she was already thinking about breaking up with her bf at that point). she said she didn’t tell me because she didn’t want to make me feel like i was missing out which i thought was weird considering i‘d find out eventually and also specifically said i didn’t want to go anyways and then she proceeded to ask me if i could maybe change my mind and come with them after all so she wouldn’t have to be ”alone“ in an awkward situation with her ex and a bunch of dudes. i reminded her that i told her i would not be coming along this year because of how things went down the last time, which really upset her. she told me i should be doing it for her as her friend and that she’d never ”selfishly abandon me“ in a situation like that so i should be doing the same for her or that i could at least think about it before telling her no straight away. we still talk now after this fight but i can tell she‘s angry with me and not understanding at all. she also refuses to sell her own ticket because she’s too proud for that.
(addition: i realize i sound kinda rude in parts of this post, that’s just my anger coming through. i love my best friend more than anything and i‘m sure we’re gonna be okay in the future, i just need to assess this situation from an outside perspective)
so: am i the asshole for not joining her and having her back in that situation?
tldr: i had a bad experience at a festival but now my bestie wants me to go again in order to have her back in the presence of her ex bf.
It’s your life, do as you wish. However, stop blaming others for your mental health. If a weekend at a festival brought up that many emotions, get into therapy.
“She’s too proud to sell her ticket.” – What does that even mean? What does pride have to do with any of this?
i‘m not blaming anyone for my mental health issues. i am aware of them and have been in therapy which is why i‘m stepping back and deciding not to go at all instead of expecting everyone else going to accommodate to my needs.
the ”being too proud“ part refers to her not wanting to be the one backing down when confronted with her ex because she thinks it would show weakness.
You should take her to therapy with you next time. Maybe it will help you both. If the experience affected you for weeks and months afterward, I’d switch to a better therapist or work harder on myself. Something is not clicking. But I’m glad you are making better decisions based on your personal issues. Sounds like you already know what to do, so you are NTA.
She made her bed. Let her lie in it