I have twin sons (aged 11) who are not identical, but who do look similar – their older sister looks pretty similar to them too.
"James" is taller and slightly more slender in the face. "Ben" is more freckle-y and is noticeably paler. They have the same eye and hair colour, but James has longer hair, and his is more wavy than Ben’s. James tends to be very neat and tidy while Ben is, somehow, always covered in ink and / or paint.
In school, they are in uniform so are dressed identically. Classes are split by ability but their scores are close enough to each other that they are in the same groups for everything though they have different friendship groups and different hobbies. Both go to Chess Club though that is the only club / sport they have in common and most of the time, they don’t interact much in school and each does their own thing. They have, however, when asked, told me they do sometimes get called the wrong name still even though they have been there since September.
Both boys have permission to take medication in school due to seasonal allergies and eczema – antihistamines and eczema cream is stored in school for the boys to access as and when needed.
They use different medication and creams which is personal preference – one has liquid and one has tablets and they use different creams as they find different ones helpful. I have sent in the permission slips and meds and left it at that.
I got an email over the holiday regarding the medication. It states the instances of the boys being mixed up are "not reducing" as they look so similar and the Medical Officer (secondary schools in the UK do not have a school nurse) is concerned the wrong child will be given the wrong medication. As such, she has asked me to ensure the boys are "easy to distinguish" going forwards.
My initial reaction is absolutely not. It is up to the person administering the medication to ensure they are giving it to the right person and that can easily be done by asking the child what his name is. They are 11 years old, they are more than capable of giving the right name and have no interest at all in swapping places for the sake of getting each others meds. I do understand the concern in terms of making sure the right medication is given to the right child, but the responsibility for that lies solely with the school while they are in the care of the school, and I will not be send them back after the holiday looking in any way "easy to distinguish."
WIBTA if I told the school it was their responsibility to make sure they have the right child, not mine?
YWNBTA but phrase it as “the way to tell them apart is to ask their name and they will respond, please let me know if you need my help any further with this” and leave it at that, to show them how to do this rather than just saying “no” which the school might see as obstructionist.
They’ll see you as sarcastic of course but they do deserve the sharp response here.
They should be confirming the child’s identity anyway, even if they don’t have a twin!
If the boys would find it funny, would you consider finding a temporary tattoo (that looks permanent) of their names & applying to the back of their hands, or to their face or neck.
Or to be honest, any tattoo would do. The more realistic looking, the better.
Horrify the school, in return for this ridiculous request. NTA.
Don’t argue. Just say you have distinguished them clearly. One is James and one is Ben. They are both happy to speak their names. YWNBTA, but I think you want to avoid being directly combative when you can instead make them look stupid.
How are you supposed to make your twin sons who have to wear identical school uniforms more distinguishable? Face tattoos? This is a ridiculous request from the school. You WBNTA if you told them that it’s their job to ask the child’s name before giving them medication.
How to tell the boys apart: “what is your name?”
Since they have different names it’s easy to tell who’s who by the answer. Have a nice day.
Signed Parent.
Part of safely administering medications is to verify the correct person is receiving it. Can the school staff not ask their name? That is the lowest bar to jump for safety sake.
Edit to add NTA
I’ve had training to administer medication in a care setting in the UK. The first thing you are told to check is that you have the correct individual and the correct medication. This is actually sometimes more difficult in a care setting as you have individuals who can’t always communicate.
11 year olds are more than capable of answering the question “what is your name?” The school needs to sort their shit out or find a new, more capable medical officer.
Edit: does this medical officer just identify all children by sight when they come to get their medication? Because that’s not safe
Surely at 11 the boys can identify themselves and state which medication they take.
“I’m Ben Smith from class 6A . My medication is a tablet called X”. Which the person should be able to check against the student medication list/plan and verify by looking at the medication. I assume the meds are kept in a labelled bag and the boxes are also labelled
They are 11 not 2..
EDIT. I forgot to vote. NTA . It seems like the school or the person in charge of the medications is needlessly over complicating things
NTA
“Dear Medical Officer,
Thank you for your helpful suggestion, as requested I have made my sons easily distinguishable by assigning them different names 11 years ago. Please feel free to ask each child their name before administering any medication. It is of course your responsibility to ensure you know to whom you are giving medication.
Kind regards,
OP”
Also if your kids have any ID like a bus pass or official school notebook with their names on, you could suggest they bring these when going to get their meds.
This would be an amazing letter to send to school.
As a mother of identical twins I want to save this just in case I ever need it. This is gold.
I think it’s reasonable for you to point out to the school that you have already made them easily distinguishable by the cunning stratagem of giving them different names.
NTA. “ as per your request I’ve furnished them each with a unique identifier: their name, which will conveniently correspond with the written markings on the medication.”