Sorry for the long post. AITAH for messaging my sisters partner offering him, my sister and their baby for staying at my house? A couple of years ago my sister, her partner and baby moved back to our home town so she could be around with the rest of the family so her baby could grow up with their cousins etc. They decided to stay at an air bnb (that her partner arranged) and my sister was saying how expensive it is and doesn’t think they can afford to keep staying there until they find somewhere to rent. We have a spare room at our place so I sent my sisters partner a messaging saying they’re welcome to stay at our place until they find a place. As soon after I texted my sisters partner, I called my sister telling her I texted her partner and told her what i said, and she BLEW UP! She called me a f\*\*\*g b\*tch and c\*\*\* and that she told me about her financial issues about the air bnb in confidence. I told her I didn’t mention anything about the air bnb and didn’t realise I had crossed the line. She said i was a f\*\*\*g idiot and that she wants me to stay the f\*\*\* away from her, her partner and their baby, and that I that she can never see her baby again. She then hung up on me. I was devastated because I had been her rock since throughout her pregnancy because she went through ivf etc and also had previous miscarriages for which I provided her so much care and support. Since then I have only seen her once at a family wedding but we didn’t talk. The other week my mum had a heart attack at my house (she’s okay thank goodness) and I contacted the key people that would want to know, my sister being one (even though her and mum have a very dicey relationship). When I tried to call her it went straight to voicemail. I kept trying to call her and the same thing happened. I realised she must of blocked me. I asked my aunt if she could call her and let her know. When I got to the hospital I met my aunt there and she said that called my sister and my sister said to let her know if things get worse but wasn’t going to come up. I realised that she has me blocked me on every avenue like whatsapp, instagram etc so if anything bad like that happens again I cannot contact her. I want her to just unblock me from calling in case of emergencies but she obviously doesn’t want to hear from me (but she is the kind that will get mad if she doesn’t get informed on something important). So AITAH for messaging her partner?
NTA. It certainly would have been more polite to make the offer to your sister rather than her partner, but holy overreaction, Batman! That was quite the shocking explosion.
I just messaged him but as soon as I messaged him i immediately called my sister and told straight away exactly what i sent her partner. She just so they both know they’re welcome to my home. I didn’t mention any financial situations or what my sister told me. I was just trying to save them some money and help them up
In general, unless there’s some kind of communication obstacle, you should contact your family member rather than their partner, especially with big things. (When I say communication obstacle, I mean things like I’m sometimes on a deep night owl schedule and my parents are early-to-bed people. NOT conflict between you and your family member). Skipping over your sister to her partner is rude. Her reaction still feels way over the top, but I see in other comments that you and she were at odds at the time. Which makes this read like you were trying to get her partner on board before talking to her, or getting her partner to put pressure on her to agree, and that’s extremely bad behavior on your part. Like, enough that if the conflict is serious, her reaction may be a proportional response to feeling like you are manipulating the situation to trap her and force her to come to terms with you.
INFO: Why did you message her partner about your offer and not her? You had the conversation about the AirBNB with her, not them. Did you have an ulterior motive? It’s hard to say whether or not you’re TA without that missing link.
I have a husband and I asked him I should message the partner before I offered a place to say and he agreed that hed be happy to have them stay. We honestly were just trying to help them out. No ulterior motive
NTA. Honestly if she got that upset over something so minor, I am genuinely concerned for her mental health and physical safety at this point.
NTA but I’m picking up that maybe your sister is in some sort of “situation”…. That was such an overreaction that it makes me think your sister has some other things going on in her life that perhaps are on her mind. This seems very strange by just about anyone unless as I said there is something else happening with her that you perhaps don’t know about or mental health concerns which you may or may not know of. Good luck, sisters are for life… I sincerely hope this get resolved quickly.
NTA. she’s being absolutely ridiculous. her loss
Why would you message her partner about staying with you instead of your sister?
NTA. You were reaching out to generously offerfor them to stay at your house. You never mentioned her having financial problems and instead worded it in a different way. Airbnb‘s can be quite expensive. I get them several times each year but they’re never reasonable enough to live full time. (At least not rentals ones I chose, because I have very specific amenities when I search for in rentals which makes them a bit more pricey and barely affordable for one week, let alone months)
Your sister verbally attacked you and then blocked you to top it off. You do not need to apologize for anything! In fact, if you apologize, she’ll probably attack you more as it seems you are her scapegoat right now. Try to keep yourself busy so you don’t think about this situation. Maybe she will see the error of her ways and reach out to you. Maybe not.
Honestly, I wish I had a caring sister looking out for me like you do for her. Good luck, OP
NTA. Your sister sounds like a control freak. You do you. Let her suffer through not knowing anything because she was childish and decided to block you.
You made the same post months ago, lmao