I’m disabled and use a power wheelchair most of the time. On a good day, I can walk maybe 50–100 feet before I’m in severe pain or risk falling. Because of this, I got a disabled parking placard when I was 18. At the time, my mom’s car was my main ride, so I kept the placard in her vehicle. I made one rule very clear: she can’t use it unless I’m in the car. I explained that using it without me is illegal and could get the car ticketed or towed, the placard taken, and me stuck in a long reapplication process. To make sure the point stuck, I kept the DMV paperwork with me. That way, if I went somewhere with a friend and used the placard, I’d have it if asked. She agreed.
For context, I have zero tolerance for people misusing disabled parking. I rely on those spaces, and misuse directly affects people like me. One day, I wheeled to the Safeway about a quarter mile from my house, which I do regularly. When I got there, I saw my mom’s car in a disabled spot the wheelchair accessible one with the striped area. That really upset me because people who can’t walk at all need that space to get in and out safely, without risking damage to cars or being blocked in. My placard was hanging in the window. I wasn’t with her.
I had a spare key, so I unlocked the car and took my placard. I knew the car could get ticketed or towed without it, but she’d already been warned not to use it without me. I also went into the store to try to find her to warn her, but couldn’t. I finished shopping and went home.
Later, my mom got home and said someone had stolen my placard from her car. She said the doors were locked and had no idea how it happened. I told her it wasn’t stolen and showed her the placard. I explained I took it because she was illegally parked without me, after I’d explicitly told her not to. She got very upset, saying she was “just running in for a few things.” I pointed out it took her nearly an hour longer than it took me to get home, so it clearly wasn’t a quick stop. Then she started yelling that the car could’ve been towed, that she couldn’t take my brothers to school, and couldn’t get to work and blamed me for all of it.
My family piled on, acting like I was completely wrong for removing the placard. They treated it like I’d endangered everyone, rather than her breaking the law and ignoring my boundaries. I explained again that I tried to find her in the store to warn her, but couldn’t. Now everyone seems to think I’m the asshole for taking back my placard, even though it was being used illegally and directly impacts people with who are disabled like me.
So AITA?
NTA – the card is yours and you should keep it on you
You’re kinda the asshole here. You’re not wrong in anything you wrote, except that you should not have put your mother at risk of being towed or ticketed. Basically what you did violates one of my personal rules about family: do not involve the cops, no matter what.
NTA as someone who also has a disabled parking placard I think you handled it perfectly. The amount of chaos she could have caused you, should it get taken for her using it illegally is crazy. She and your family have also failed to think about the fact that she took a spot that someone could have needed. It’s beyond selfish and makes my blood boil knowing people steal those spots from people like us. I would happily give up a disabled placard if I could be free from the pain I live with everyday!
NTA! I became disabled and got my parking pass this year, and your mom is A Problem as so is your family who defended her. That’s classic DARVO nonsense. Please keep your placard with you (NOT implying this was your fault, just to be clear, your mom should be…an adult), and thank you for giving a shit?
NTA. Your mom is taking advantage of you to misuse disability parking for herself and you are absolutely in the right for not letting her risk getting you in legal trouble.
NTA. It’s your placard.
NTA. Hide that thing.
NTA but surely you had a phone with you? It may have been more mature to have called your mum and asked her to come out and move her car or you would take the placard/you are taking the placard so she needs to come move her car or risk getting towed. Leaving her to think someone broke in wasn’t necessary but you are NTA for taking back the placard. You made this more drama though in how you took it back
ETA She was wrong in every way and it was right to take back the placard but you need to separate the idea of taking it back and the manner in which you did so. Breaking into her car while she was actively parked so she could get towed unaware and it could harm the family functioning instead of just taking it back later that day and clearly stating why when she got home was malicious and an AH move. It’s like people who get abusive when disciplining kids – there is a right and a wrong way to enforce rules and boundaries even when they are correct and you picked a vindictive crap way to do it
NTA
She was using it selfishly. Legality aside the fact that she can get the placard taken away for false use then YOU would be stuck without it is something she didn’t even seem to gaf about. She didn’t consider you, her own daughter. She didn’t think about others that are in similar situations. She was being lazy and selfish.
You did the right thing and your family sounds like the type of people that leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot instead of taking it to coral because it’s just too inconvenient for them. Ew. I don’t wanna bash your family but it’s giving me the ick that they’re turning on you. Like, for what reason?
They are upset about the her hypothetically having been towed? NTA
NTA
We have one for Mom. We only put it up when she is with us. If she is not with us we don’t use it. It is not fair to people who actually need those spots for her to be their without you.
NTA at all. Your mom is. This was a baller move and I’m proud of you