Me (14f) and Chloe (15f) go to the same highschool. We had been there for about a year and I had a friend group of 5 girls and she had her own friend group. We didn’t hang out at school but were close and hung out after school and in weekends. She was in a class with my friend from my friend group, Jess. Her and Jess became close and I won’t lie I was very jealous because they became closer than I was with Jess. I was young and had been replaced before and scared of it happening again.
Jess started to invite Chloe to hang out with us at lunch and would push and push for it but I kept saying I didn’t want to because I was having issues with Chloe. But eventually she started sitting with us which I wasn’t happy about.
Jess was hosting a game night and invited all of my friend group and Chloe, which was random because she wasn’t REALLY in the friend group. Chloe had told me that Jess was talking shit about me and Chloe started talking shit about Jess to me. She asked if I wanted her to go to game night and I said that I honestly didn’t really, so she texted the group chat she couldn’t go.
She ended up coming anyway and told me I don’t decide who she is friends with (which I get but upset me a bit) and we had a good time at game night. She told me that after game night she would stop being friends with everyone and that she hated them anyway and she didn’t want to sit with us. She just felt bad to suddenly stop.
Game night was on a Saturday and then on the next Monday at school Chloe was sitting with us still. Jess said to us that she had something to show us at lunch and then at lunch she showed messages between me and Chloe telling her not to sit with us. I was trying to help her because she told me she didn’t want to but had she told Jess I didn’t want her too (which is true but I thought she didn’t want to).
Jess told us she snuck onto Chloe’s phone and screen shotted the messages. As she was showing everyone the messages Chloe texted me saying "can we go?" so I stood up and we went outside.
I asked her to show me the messages and she was hesitant, saying I would be mad at her. I promised I wouldn’t. She showed me and the messages consisted of her making a plan with Jess to and I quote "take me down".
Apparently Chloe had given the screen shot to Jess and had purposely painted me in a way to make the other girls hate me so that they could kick me out and she could replace me.
This is already so long so I’m going to cut some stuff out but I basically stopped talking to her, cut her off and explained to my friend group what Jess and Chloe conspired and that I thought that she didn’t want to be in the group.
Chloe had been shit-talking Jess to me and shit-talking me to Jess. I still resented Jess but the others took her back, as well as me.
I didn’t talk to Chloe for 11 months and family gatherings were quite awkward. We eventually made up.
I know we both were in the wrong but I wonder, who is more the asshole?
Edit: Chloe is my cousin if that wasn’t clear 🙂
ESH, I think that early high school is just savage for everyone, particularly girls. I think that you were very obvious with your dislike of Chloe, but she also went too far when she and Jess orchestrated a plan to kick you out the group. I would just apologise and move on
I get that you’re 15 but this is really stupid. NTA for ignoring her, childish & unfair behaviour on her part.
NTA
Esh
ESH. This gave me flashbacks in my junior year. You’re all still so young, hopefully you learn from this and outgrew this behavior. Though the fact that you ignored your cousin for a whole year but returned to being friends with the other girl is very telling.
ESH. High School sucks. Friend groups are great and can also suck. Unfortunately, this is just one of those things you have to learn how to navigate. High school/youth is practice for social situations like this and learning how to cope with it.
Friends such as Jess will come and go in your life, but losing family is harder.
ESH Get over the “friend group” cliques. Be polite to everyone, attend group events you would like to attend. Don’t worry about everybody else. You don’t dictate who can or can’t sit at your lunch table. You can move tables. The sooner you get out of everyone else’ business, the sooner you can concentrate on you own personal development without ridiculous distractions. I am being overly blunt to make this point because, hopefully, in a few years you will look back on this with a little more maturity and cringe! I want you to have fewer cringes to look back on going forward. Please don’t worry about who is more of an AH, but focus on un-AHoling your own behavior sooner rather than later.
ESH, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friends friends. You don’t have to hang out with Chloe if you don’t want to, but you don’t get to tell other people to uninvite her from their plans.
Friend groups change over time, it’s only natural. If you resist the change, you will only end up hurting people (most likely yourself).
You tried to conspire with Jess to keep Chloe out of the friend group, that hurt Chloe’s feelings and instead you got the treatment you were hoping Chloe would get. It hurts, doesn’t it? Just remember, this is the pain you were trying to inflict on someone else.
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