Okay, a little of context..
As a child, I attended a well-known school and was known for getting perfect grades. In sixth grade, I was assigned to a new class and became the target of bullying, especially from a student I’ll call Dave.
Dave made fun of my interests and appearance, called me weird, he call me megamind because I have a big forehead and humiliated me in front of others. This continued for months, severely impacting my mental health and academic performance. I asked the school for help, but nothing changed.
After about five months, I felt completely overwhelmed. Around that time, my friend lost both his grandparents, with whom he was also very close. Desperate, I lied to the principal and told him that Dave had made fun of their deaths saying " DOBLE KILL". Dave received a three-day suspension and an official report.
I felt guilty for lying, but the bullying temporarily stopped, and I felt peace for the first time in months. When Dave returned, he told everyone what he had done, and I became one of the most hated students in the class. I even lost my best friend. After relentless bullying, there was only one physical incident that year. Despite everything, the school praised Dave, while I was treated as the problem. Eventually, my family could no longer afford school, and I had to leave to another school were I meet my best friends and my girlfriend.
I am now at the university and I still wonder if I truly deserved everything that happened to me, or if what I did was simply a desperate attempt to protect myself after months of being ignored.
IATA?
ESH, what you did was unorthodox, but protective of yourself. Was it cool to use your friend’s trauma to get the bully expelled? No, and I will not defend that behavior or excuse it. I’m sure it didn’t make them feel very good to hear you use their life experience for personal, vindictive reasons. It makes sense that you felt that way as a kid, because when you’re in school and teachers won’t listen, you genuinely have a fight or flight reaction to being around that person. Were there other alternatives like talking to Dave? Likely. Did you have access to them? Possibly. Would there be consequences? Very likely, bullies tend to narrow in on sensitivities like that. I don’t think you deserved what you dealt with, but I do think it’s important to recognize your capacity for growth and honor how that bullying made you feel, but own what you did and recognize the harm it did to your social standing and your friend. You were a victim, but you were so wrapped up in your feelings that you hurt others and discredited yourself, and it’s time that you looked at that point in your life and decide to use it to reform who you are now.
Yes, I really feel guilty, and because I’m a Christian, I’ve confessed to a priest several times. My friend, whose grandparents died, always believed me; it was someone else who stopped being my friend. To this day, I feel very guilty for having lied, and at that time I was just a stupid teenager who came up with that idea in a moment of crisis. But I’m not trying to excuse myself; I really failed as a person. Thank you for your opinion; it really helps me.
ESH
He’s an ah for bullying and you are too for lying like that. Depending on the school, your age, and their future plans, getting them suspended for harassment could affect college/university choices. I’m also not a fan of you dragging your friend into your conflict with a bully. I’ll also add that your school’s admin are also assholes for not addressing your report of bullying.
Yes, I failed terribly as a person. My school never listened to me, even with evidence, but that’s no excuse for what I did. Thank you for your opinion; it really helps me grow as a person and improve every day.
I would say that the thing is Dave’s been harassing OP the whole time, so it was not entirely unwarranted for. But the admins are primarily the issue for not stopping this in the first place, or else OP would not have been backed in a corner like that.
You were 12. Of course you were the AH. But aren’t a lot of 12 year olds. Not excusing it, but it sounds like you regret that. I think more people than will admit to it regrets something they did in middle school. Some were the bullies, some were retaliating against the bullies, most just succumbed to peer pressure. We have to remember Grace, for ourselves and those that hurt us during that time. Most were dealing with their own crap and was projecting. Not an excuse, but they were unable to get the support they needed.
You can always try to reach out and apologize to your friend for using their trauma. Sounds like the bully deserved it🤷. Though maybe unfairly. I bet he eventually learned from that nonsense🤞🤞.
I really try to not judge middle schoolers, a lot of them figure it out. Hormones are hard to deal with.
Seriously, your comment was my favorite. I truly suffer every day because of what I did and I can’t sleep peacefully, but your comment understood me the most. I truly regret what I did and I always try to be a better person every day. Seriously, thank you for your comment; it was my favorite, and comments like this always help me improve.
Definitely the AH for lying.
ESH, your bully for being a bully and from using your “friends” tragedy to your own gain.
Don’t beat yourself up, you were 12. As you say it was an attempt to protect yourself after being bullied.
Thank you for telling me not to continue tormenting myself. I truly suffer every day because of what I went through and what I did. Thank you for your comment.
NTA. Let it go and move on.
There’s a lot of this that simply doesn’t make sense. Like this:
“When Dave returned, he told everyone what he had done”
… which was… nothing? Except bullying you?
So you got caught out lying and changed schools.
Yeah, YTA and you did deserve to be called out. Obviously. You know that.