I (25F) have a brother (23M) who I do not get in regard to politics and world views. I say I am center left politically, I guess. Most of my family is religious and holds right wing views. I typically don’t bring subjects up that would get them going on their rants or beating their chests. Xmas happened and he was reading some book about ‘the ethnic cleansing of western Europe’. I asked about it and that led into a conversation including my other brother (18M, he is religious). I led more with questions (wish I had only made questions). Went better than I thought but then the day after he became on AH on insta, apparently pissed that I ‘skedaddled’ instead of continuing the conversation. I had an hour drive and have been there for six or seven hours so when we previously agreed on putting a pin in it, I thought that meant in general. It was an xmas party ffs.
Anyways, we hadn’t spoken about it since his insta bs and splitting hairs until he just sent me some clip about white people not being the majority in some places anymore. I responded ‘and?’ because I don’t really give a rats ass. He is horrible at conversations about politics and real life but thinks he is good somehow. He has told me to ‘grow up’ and ‘live in the real world’ which is ironic. He thinks some cultures are trash. He says things that would seem to have a hint of a racist tone or white supremacy talking points like we are under some big threat. I don’t know wtf to say to this kid. He talks incoherent points and like I am an idiot for having a different take. He moves the goal post among other fallacies. I would be interested in having a more thorough conversation but he is off putting, rude, and would probably argue with a wall. Yea he has a sweet side but god his nasty side is bluh. Should I bother speaking with him about any of these things anymore? He is bringing out my asshole/fuck off side that I have always put down until now (retiring people pleaser). I can be mean to him, it would be easy to return his bullshit but I work not to be that in day to day life. This might be the wrong subreddit but idk where else to ask this
YTA. So he was reading a book, minding his own business, you wanted to chat about it and he is the issue?
I asked him what he was reading as we do not talk often (he didn’t say hi or anything when I came in). Question of curiosity. Then he started asking questions and opened the conversation. Also, he typically brings subjects like these up at family things or when I see him. I don’t. I guess then I will not ask him what book he is reading or what he is watching etc in the future
talk to him about Stranger Things
Lol what? I only got two ish seasons in a few years ago
NTA you’re under no obligation to engage with anyone, including family, if you don’t want to. He’s a racist. It’s acceptable to not want to debate him on his insane illogical beliefs. You will almost definitely never change his mind. So it’s totally reasonable to say “I’m not going to talk to you about this” and just stop responding.
Appreciated, how would you respond if he said something about me being weak, always running away, liberals, etc? Because he would/will/has. He starts/instigates things when he is bored and the like. In other words how do I say ‘sure, believe whatever you want to about me, you have made up your mind’?
NTA.
Don’t engage. You are under no obligation to discuss fraught topics with anyone.
Feel free to “Grey Rock”, completely ignore or leave the company of anyone who refuses to honor a simple “I don’t want to discuss that”.
Put another way…
The pig wants to wrestle and you’re under no obligation to get in the mud
NTA! You’re already doing him a favour by not being mean and demeaning like he is!
I think that it’s not your responsibility to educate people like him even if they’re family. At the end of the day he is the one pushing you away with his nonsense while you tried your hardest not to bring things that would make you guys argue.
Maybe one day he’ll come down from his right wing hateful trip and try to mend your relationship but for now just ignore him and try to keep things cordial whenever you are at a family fonction (only if you want cuz god knows I would be a menace around right wing people)
YTA, he’s allowed to have opinions and you don’t have to agree with them. Sounds like you’re upset you can’t convince him to think the way you do. But you should be able to hold a conversation with your own brother of all people and express how you feel, just don’t get angry if you agree to disagree.
I have friends that disagree. I have other family with different opinions too. I am not ‘upset’ that I cannot convince him. He seems to want a conversation or start things but then starts making attacks and not making coherent conversation. My other brother and I also disagree (I am atheist, he is christian) but we maintain conversation and talk about the same level things without talking like the 23M does. I have tried the diplomatic way and asked questions to better understand. In return, he talks rudely to me. “On another note, white liberal women in this generation truly have the survival instincts of a koala bear” word for word. What does that give to the conversation? What information am I getting?
Seems like he is parroting something he has seen online, and yes this is annoying. He’s saying you don’t have survival skills and suicidal empathy, you’re saying he sounds racist/ white ideology. You have some points and so does he, just get used to defending your ideas as they are not the popular opinion, maybe on Reddit but not reality.