So for context, I (16M) have a reltively close knit group of friends, including (fake names), Kevin (16M), Bob (16M), and Stuart (16M). Kevin and Stuart are cousins, and the three of us grew up together, so everything between us has always been super close. We met Bob along the way, but the four of us hang out every weekend and sleep either at my house or at Bob’s.
Stuart came out to us as gay. It was fine, no problems. I’m bisexual, and one of our other close friends is a lesbian. Other than the four of us, Stuart hasn’t told anyone. We live in a rural town, and it’s really not the most accepting place for LGBTQ people, especially gay men. I know this, Stuart knows this.
In ninth grade, I got jumped behind the arena almost every week for six months because people I knew found out that I was dating another boy. It felt like overnight, I was suddenly the gay kid in town who got pummeled weekly. I’ve told Stuart this story, not to scare him but to make sure he remembers that not everything is peaches and fucking cream. Basically, I know a lot of kids my age who think that because the internet has cancelled homophobia, it doesn’t exist in real life anymore. That’s sadly not true.
It was the week before Christmas, and we were at public skating. A few kids from Bob’s hockey team were there. We were all hanging out, and I noticed that Stuart and one of our friends’ younger brothers, Jack (14M), were getting along pretty well. Stuarts is very introverted and struggles to make new friends, so I was happy for him.
New Year’s Eve, I was having a party, and Stuart showed up, drunk, with Jack. I have a pretty clear rule about my friends inviting people over to my house without clearing it with me first. The next morning, I found out that Stuart and Jack had been making out on the couch in front of a bunch of people while I was outside. I was pissed, not because they’re gay, but because ew. Get a room. I told Stuart that next time he wanted to bring someone over, to ask me first.
So we’re having a sleepover Saturday night, Bob, Kevin, and I. Stuart texts me and asks if him and Jack can come. I told him that he could stay over, but that Jack couldn’t. He got mad and asked me why. I told him that Kevin’s girlfriend wasn’t there, so why should Jack be? He told me I was being homophobic, which I don’t understand. Jack’s been nothing but rude, borderline crashed my new years party, is two years younger than us, and doesn’t seem to notice how his PDA might affect Stuart. He’s going to get either him or Stuart beaten up or worse, and I don’t want that to happen to either of them. On top of that, why should I hold Jack to a different standard than Kevins gf? It was almost eleven at night, and it wasn’t like he wanted to introduce Jack to us, as we’ve all known him since he was little.
Stuart is still mad at me, but our friends think I was right to stand my ground. So AITA?
NTA
We all know why your friend wants to bring his boyfriend
Nta. The bf is 14. I dunno what aoc is in your town but ewww.
14 in any case isn’t an age to consent and that’s exactly why he wants to be there. Just no.
Partners shouldn’t be staying together over night until they’re old enough to consent. Anywhere.
AND on at least one occasion, alcohol is involved. This is a recipe for problems.
Yup. Ops house will become an investigation house.
I wouldn’t do it.
All seems pretty dodgy especially since you’ve all known this kid since he was “little”. Tell Stuart that’s not on!
NTA
youre literally looking out for your friend and trying to treat everyone equally. over the top PDA in your own house has every right to make you feel a bit ew bc wth. stuart will come around. defo think you were right to stand your ground.
sorry probably a bit off topic, is the age gap like, legal? where im from the age of consent is 16 i was just curious
NTA. Jack is definitely not mature enough to be doing the things he is doing, and neither is Stuart. You were right to stand your ground.
NTA. Its your house the sleepover is happening at. So you get to decide the ground rules and who gets to stay there. If your friend can’t accept that fact. He can kick rocks.
NTA
You’re exactly right, there’s no reason Jack should get different treatment than Kevin’s gf. This isn’t a “friends plus their SOs” hangout, it’s just the friends hanging out, and Jack is not part of the friend group any more than Kevin’s gf is, so he’s not invited, simple as that. Also, it’s rude and disrespectful of Stuart to think he can turn your house into his “couple’s retreat” by inviting himself AND his bf over. My guess is, he can’t have a couple-y sleepover at his own house because his parents wouldn’t approve for whatever reason (which, tbh, if it’s for age-related reasons, is valid, because y’all are too young to be sharing beds with significant others anyway) and so he thinks that disguising it as a “friend sleepover with the guys at my friend OP’s house” will give him the perfect cover to get away with it. If that’s the case, he’s just trying to use you, and he’s mad that you’re not going along with it so he’s throwing things like “homophobia” around (even though it doesn’t apply at all) in the hopes that you’ll be spooked at the thought of potentially being labeled as a homophobe and cave to his wishes. You and your friends are absolutely correct, you were right to stand your ground.
NTA
Your house, your rules. But where TF are *parents* in this scenario? Even if you don’t want to tell your parents about your friends’ sexuality, there are ways to “make your parent the bad guy” and have them say “no extra guests”
And it sounds like you have plenty of reasons to say no to Jack outside of his sexuality – his rudeness and disrespect for your house rules are two of them.
And yes you’re right – if you would not allow a friend’s *girl*friend to attend, it is completely within your “rights” to say no *boy*friend is allowed.
NTA, also, it could just be me, but imo there’s a pretty big maturity difference in 14 vs 16. Doesn’t feel like an appropriate relationship in general.
NTA. Take gendered pronouns out of the picture, and it’s Person A wanting to do PDA with Person B. By making it no partners, gender neutral wording, it’s more equal and regardless of the sexuality of each person.