i (19f) am 5’4 and 200lbs, my friend (20f) is 5’6 and 120lbs. neither of us is very healthy and we decided to do a very heavily modified 75 hard together.
we have different goals in our gym journey. she has issues with food, specifically she thinks shes allergic to everything (she is not she has had tests done). i have binge eating problems. shes on a 2,000+ calorie budget and mine is 1,700.
we’re only on day four and issues have already arisen. we went to the gym as normal and everything was fine. when we got done we decided to hang put at her house for a little bit before she had to go to work.
she started to make herself some breakfast: avocado toast and two eggs. she used like half of the avocado (it was already cut in half and this was the left over half so she only used like 1/4 of it) and i told her to not throw it away because i could get more out of it for her. she got kinda annoyed and threw it away anyway.
i told her that if she wants to put on some weight then she needs those extra calories. that got her heated. she said that calories don’t matter that much and asked why i was so obsessed over them. i tried to explain that if either of us wants to see changes we have to follow the calories.
we basically went back and forth, me saying we need to be conscious of what were eating and her saying im being obsessive and hinting that im being unhealthy.
after that little disagreement she acted pretty standoffish and rushed me out of the house. i don’t feel like i said anything wrong. we agreed at the beginning of this that we were going to be hard on each other and not let the other slip up. i wasn’t trying to attack her but i wanted to point out that shes not doing what she needs to do to reach her goals.
i swear i wasn’t trying to be rude or question her knowledge on fitness. but that seems to be what she thought i was doing. let me know reddit, am i the asshole?
EDIT: i know i’m fat guys, i’m working on. and her goal IS to gain weight, i wasn’t forcing it on her. she decided that on her own.
you’ve been doing this for exactly four days and you’re already trying to micromanage her food waste like you’re her nutritionist
I don’t think you’re in a position to tell someone what they should or shouldn’t be eating.
I think commenting on anyone’s eating habits is rude. You focus on you, she can focus on herself.
ESH. Agreeing to be “hard on each other” rather than getting the actual counseling and outside education you both clearly need and needling each other about your progress four days in shows what a spectacularly bad idea this is on both your parts.
And on your part? No means no. Stop pushing. You’re both adults. Maybe she agreed to it but it’s clearly an issue so back off.
Also since she’s a healthy weight for her it IS less about calories and more about macros to ensure she can build muscle and support a fitness journey. You have different goals and need to focus on you.
YTA
There’s a difference between being “hard” as a motivator and being a micromanager on someone’s health and wellness journey. If she struggles with food, she needs to add to her caloric intake at a sustainable rate. Avocado toast and 2 eggs is a relatively substantive meal.
I don’t think the 50 calories of extra avocado with maybe a little bit of browning from being precut that you would’ve managed to ‘get out’ is the hill to die on, and it wouldn’t have been what I meant when I asked to be held accountable
I have issues with food. When people spoke to me the way you just did to your friend, would actually turn me completely off the food I was trying to eat. I mean physically, like putting the food in my mouth would make me feel sick. What you’re doing wouldn’t be helpful at all.
YTA and this is not going to work. It’s one thing to have a common goal and work towards it together; another entirely if you’re trying to dictate how she achieves hers.
It doesn’t sound like she asked you to manage her food intake. Butt out.
Also, what she ate sounds like a perfectly healthy meal for her, and assuming that’s not all she’s ate that day, there’s nothing to suggest she should have been doing more.
YTA
Your friend’s bmi is healthy so she probably is most interested in getting in shape. Let her eat as much as she feels like. It was one meal and you’re trying to correct her. Encourage her to work out but otherwise give your opinion if she asks for it about something specific.
Given that you both have issues with food, I would really suggest consulting a doctor or nutritionist instead of relying on each other. Also I understand you’re concerned for her but it’s generally not good practice to comment on other people’s food; plus she might want to eat light for breakfast and fill up later.
YTA and I suggest you two stop trying do your fitness journeys together. Any sort of “we will be really hard on each other” kind of promise will never end well.
Adults do not need another adult telling them how to eat, diet, lose or gain weight. Not everyone needs to count calories to reach their health goals. It’s not your job to micromanage her health choices. I’m sure you’d be pretty annoyed if she was criticizing yours.
Not that it matters but two eggs, bread and half an avocado is a very reasonable breakfast.
If she actually has an eating disorder she needs professional help, not your help.
YTA
Stop messing around with unhealthy attitudes to your friend’s weight
120lbs and 5.6 is not underweight or unhealthy in a purely weight sense.
You deal with any problems you feel you have and stop instilling your incorrect ideas on everyone else
INFO: Did your friend even say that she wants to gain weight? You didn’t actually clarify this. 120 lbs is not ridiculously skinny or anything.