With my job I’ve have had a lot of exams to complete over the last three years to become chartered. I started work with two other people, let’s call them Bethany and James.
None of us live in the town where we work as we pretty much work from home most of the time but me and Bethany live in the same town.
We finished our final exam last month and have all passed so Bethany suggested we all go out for drinks to celebrate. James said it sounds good but it would be hard for him to get to us as he doesn’t live near us so just said for me and Bethany to go if we wanted.
Bethany and I then suggested inviting our partners along. Bethany’s boyfriend messaged me to thank me for the invite but mentioned he was going away for work for a few weeks so just to meet up without him.
When I invited my gf she said she doesn’t want to go but that I shouldn’t be going out for drinks with a woman on my own. I pointed out we’ll only be on our own because she’s refusing to go so she doesn’t get to stop me celebrating finally finishing exams.
She just said I was being disrespectful and that I should be cancelling.
AITAH for not cancelling drinks with a colleague?
This sounds familiar
It is. I’ve read this before.
If your girlfriend doesn’t want to celebrate your accomplishments, that’s on her, she’s the one being disrespectful. Just because she doesn’t want to go, doesn’t mean she can then decide for you. Tell her you’re a big boy and can handle it. NTA
NTA, obviously. People have friends from the other gender; it’s not the mid-20th century.
It might be different if you were being secretive, but you weren’t. You invited your girlfriend along.
Pretty ridiculous for her to be mad, unless you’re in some culture other than general American/western.
NAH. She misspoke.
She meant it would be disrespectful TO HER if you went out. She wasn’t speaking to some universal respect rules.
This confusion is common. Nothing we say will change how she feels about it and you have to decide how you want to deal knowing these feelings.
But my point is you don’t get to randomly claim something normal is disrespectful.
Going for celebratory drinks is a normal thing.
She was very clear with what her issue is, if you want to disregard that, by all means I ain’t dating her.
NTAH. Your gf’s take is of a reflection on her than the reality of the situation. If your significant other can’t be trusted to go out for drinks with anyone, then that means you can’t be trusted aal of the time. Or it means you have a drinking problem which really means you can’t be trusted at all).
INFO do you guys have previous trust issues? Also if the tables were turned would you still take the same stance? If it were me I’d want to celebrate with my partner over anyone else.
No there are no trust issues. If it was the other way I’d have accepted the invite but I’d also be fine with her celebrating with colleagues.
My partner is invited, she’s the one choosing not to celebrate with me but also it’s completely normal to celebrate a shared achievement with colleagues.
Your girlfriend has the right to decline an invitation but she damn sure doesn’t have the right to tell you you shouldn’t go out with a co-worker to celebrate. That’s just controlling and it’s not acceptable.
The only leg your girlfriend *would* have to stand on is if the list of all the people who declined their invite didn’t include her. Ffs. NTA.