Am I the a-hole for wearing the wrong clothes? I(17f) and a girl, let’s call her X(15f) are in a high school show choir. I have had some arguments with her before but this takes the cake. I was grabbing (what I thought) was my clothes, changing into them and getting ready to do a run through of the show. She asks, “hey are those my clothes? This is your skirt.” I told her yes these were mine and that our seamstress switches outfit pieces all the time so that it fits, I thought nothing of it. She sighed and also got dressed. Afterwards I had hung up the clothes and she comes up to me, “those were my clothes! I just asked [seamstress] and she told me they never switched them!” I looked at her, at this point I was tired of her bs and the day, so I might have been the a hole, she asks if I could hang up the clothes she wore (my clothes). I told her no. I told her that I won’t hang up those clothes because I had already hung up hers. She scoffed and walked away. I didn’t want to talk to her for the rest of the evening, but she sent me a text (bellow) and was basically accusing me of being a liar. I’m not going to reply, cause this is petty. Am I the a-hole?
Text:
“Hey! I hope practice went well for you..I just wanted to be up front with communication so nothing dwindles. I was a little upset tonight by the costume thing but it was more that you lied about [seamstress] saying she switched it and stuff. Maybe you did think that and such but next time or if any time it happens like that we should both not just you but both should check with [seamstress]. If you did lie because you felt bad or didn’t want to take it off I understand just would appreciate the honesty next time. I then was more upset because he seemed upset with me for being upset even though I feel like it was perfectly natural for me to be upset in the moment . I wasn’t trying to be mean I was just frustrated. I hope we can clear this up okay. And whatever it was and such I forgive it and I’m not angry or frustrated anymore just hope that next time this sort of thing could be avoided :))) “
NTA. This happens all the time even in professional productions. She’s being so overdramatic about it and fake
Both?
It was perfectly reasonable for the switch up but you could’ve apologised when after she asked the seamstress
She’s only 15, she’s not being fake at all she’s just trying not to rock the boat by being overly friendly. This take sounds like you might also be a teenager and if that’s the case that’s reasonable but if you’re an adult… you gotta do better at giving teenagers advice.
I know this feels so big and frustrating right now, in a few years this will be an awkward memory. You guys are both young and learning communication skills! I commend you both for that! Genuinely. A lot of people much older than you never even try.
I’m not going to call you an asshole because you’re not. But you shouldn’t have worn her costume. If your director didn’t tell you she’d swapped things around and your name wasn’t on it, you should probably have changed into your own. I’m not sure why she’s quite that frustrated with the situation, but it is mildly annoying to have materials get swapped around.
I understand that it does feel like she’s calling you a liar, but from an outside perspective it looks like she might just be confused and word vomiting into text. If she genuinely wants to be on good footing with you, I’d advise you to be honest. That it was a mix up, and that it hurts you to be accused of lying.
Best of luck OP, high school is hard and so are navigating interpersonal conflicts. You’ve got this!
This. Not to be trite but this argument will ultimately mean nothing. If it was a mistake, say so and let it go.
The text doesn’t feel petty to me. It feels like someone attempting to reach out and have open communication but using a lot of emojis and exclamation marks so that they come across nice and not rude/direct. You were not wrong for accidentally switching the uniforms and she is not wrong for trying to have open communication with you about the situation. Just reply back and say it was an honest mistake, you’re sorry, and you two can work together to make sure it doesn’t happen again. No big deal.
YWBTA if you allowed this disagreement to continue and fester. Her text doesn’t seem petty to me.
Remember, you were the one who was in the wrong here. Apologize for wearing her costume, and assure her that it was an honest mistake.
NTA. Whether you apologize, or respond in general, or not I always recommend bringing it to whichever adult is in charge. Not to say “Can you tell her” but just “Hey just wanted to let you know in case it escalates”. I know the replies are saying her message isn’t passive aggressive but I fear they don’t know how 15 year olds communicate, it’s a reasonable conclusion.
YTA. You thought they were yours and you were wrong. You’re not the AH for putting them on and wearing them, you’re the AH for doubling down and avoiding being wrong. You’re only 17 so you have a lot of growing up to do but owning your faults is a good start.