I (16F) My friend (17F) have been friends since elementary school. We have a very close bond and I think highly of her.
Some context, I am homeschooled, I have a hard time with crowded social situations and my mental health used to be so unstable I would barely attend school. My friend we will call her Claire, she goes to in person school and like every school they host a prom.
Claire asked me to be her date since her boyfriend wasn’t able to attend because he’s over 5 hours away. I excitedly said yes, I would love to still have the prom experience and since it’s at her school not many people know me.
Me and Claire have been talking about attending prom together, I kept asking her when it was and she always wormed around the question.
Fast forward today, my prom dress arrived.
The dress is stunning and I felt so confident in the dress, I then texted Claire about prom again. I asked her when it was and she responded 3 hours later saying “I don’t feel like going this year.” “I just want this year of school over with.”
I don’t blame her but I am frustrated because I was excited she invited me, I already bought the dress and it’s beautiful but FAR from casual, I couldn’t wear it anywhere.
I haven’t said anything about my frustration to Claire, am I wrong to be upset over this?
the big question is when prom is. you’re NTA for being frustrated about buying the dress because you spent money on that, but it depends how far away prom is. if it’s tomorrow then she’s a major AH, but if it’s in a couple of months, nobody’s at fault really
Sounds like her boyfriend was able to attend after all.
He wasn’t! Because she would be screaming and posting about them hanging out and she would tell me like she has many times before.
NTA. Seems reasonable to be upset after your friend invited you to prom and you’ve already bought an amazing dress just for it to be canceled. Maybe you should talk to her about it though, sounds like there’s a bigger reason she’s not going.
I won’t go so far as to call you TA, but it sounds like your friend is having a tough time and something happened at school. Did you ask her anything about it? When she said she just wants the school year to be over, did you not ask her why or what was going on?
My advice, which I know you didn’t ask for, is to focus less on the dance (and the dress) and more on your friend.
She probably has something else going on at school and doesn’t want to talk about it. Things happen. Return the dress if you can. Buying the dress before you actually bought the prom tickets was probably illegal advised. Perhaps you can buy tickets to a theatrical show and you can invite Clare to go out to a fancy dinner and the theatre in your dresses?
You can be disappointed but I don’t think you should be mad. There is something else going on and you have to accept she doesn’t want to talk about it or her ideas about prom and attending have changed.
You jumped the gun a bit in getting the dress before plans were firmed up. You are young and you will learn.
But if you are mad then I’d say you are in the wrong. You can be disappointed. But…it sounds like the plans were never firmed up and as such being mad would indeed make you TA.
NTA – Oh Honey, she didn’t decide not to go, she just didn’t want to take you and went with her BF instead. Not only that, but she knew she wasn’t going to take you for weeks, that’s why she never gave you a straight answer when you kept asking her about it. She’s a shitty friend.
woah! you’re assuming a lot here and quite honestly, saying quite harmful things. stop putting ideas in this poor girls head before she’s even talked to her friend about the situation
I think you’re right to feel your emotions, however it’s important to voice your feelings in a non damaging way. I would just say “oh, are you doing okay? Prom is usually something people look forward to and are excited for, even me lol. But I can’t help but worry there’s something going on if you’re not looking forward to it now. Do you want to talk about it? No worries if not, just know I’m here for you” Or something like that (idk how you text)
Something that puts your worry for her as a person first and subtly alluding to your disappointment that you wouldn’t be able to attend without her in a non-confrontational way– or at least as non-confrontational as possible.
I do agree that there might be something up with her at school if she’s a bit dodgy with her answer and even says “I just want this year to be over”
NAH, it’s understandable that you’re upset about it but it’s also understandable that she doesn’t want to go. Is there any homeschool ones or other ones you could attend?. Or could y’all go for a nice dinner or something it won’t be a proper prom experience but it’ll be nice and you’ll get to wear your dress.
It’s extremely obvious, like BLARINGLY. Any female outside of the situation looking in could see that for miles. She doesn’t see it because she’s in the situation and we’re all blind when it’s our situation which is the only reason ppl come on here, for clarity … but you do you.
Did you push any when you would ask her a direct question about the prom? Or just kind of let it go because you didn’t think it was worth it because she’s your friend? Did she dodge all your questions after the time she said BF wasn’t going and she’d like you guys to go together? Why didn’t she bother telling you when she realized she wasn’t going anymore? Why did she wait until the last minute, your dress had been bought and hopes high? She didn’t actually come out and tell you, she only told you because prom was a couple days out and she had no choice, but to answer you, holding out any longer would have been cruel. She knew, prior to the last time you spoke to her, so why wait to let you know?