I 36F married to 36M with two kids (6M, 2F). After FIL’s death a few years ago, MIL showed her true self-serving nature: FIL had masked it by guiding her. Examples of negligence: Closed car door on son’s foot while focused on wanting to smoke; asked if he was “mad at her,” not if he was okay. Leftson alone for 7 min; he cut his middle finger with a peeler (bleeding badly), she thought he “flipped her off” and ignored his cries, later telling him “you made me look stupid.” He was 3. Let daughter run with pen, resulting in chin stab. She’s now barred from unsupervised time with kids (hubs idea after multiple incidents).
Post-FIL, she couldn’t live alone, so we bought a new home and moved in together. She’s on our bundled home/auto insurance. Despite months of protests, she loaned her car to someone who totaled it during our home closing, she promised cash but didn’t pay. Husband wanted to cosign a new car; I refused due to closing risks. Months later, he still hasn’t removed her from our policy, saying separate insurance costs more and might make her drive cautiously. But she’s added dings to the new car, and our rates skyrocketed from the accident. Insurer is threatening cancellation by Feb over a paperwork issue: if she wrecks again, we could lose coverage and our mortgaged home.
MIL inherited FIL’s restaurant but drove away staff and closed it unilaterally in Dec; no job lined up, doesn’t pay rent, and we’re stuck with property taxes. Past history: She racked up massive credit card debt in FIL’s name, stopped tax payments; state seized savings, nearly lost all properties. FIL considered divorce/fraud charges, but husband convinced him not to, fearing jail for her. Properties ended up in her name; husband has POA but not conservatorship.
After our colicky son’s birth, she refused help, admitting daily drinking. He protects her as his last parent, but it’s jeopardizing our kids’ future.
What do I need to do for him to understand the severity? Or AITA for bringing it up?
What you need to do is cut your losses before you yourself can’t get out from under the mountain of debt. Your husband DOES NOT have you back or care about your feelings. He may have done some good by saying his mom can’t be alone with the kids. But when it comes to you he doesn’t seem to care. This can’t be good for your own mental health. And you know he’s not going to kick his mom out of the house.
NTA. Your MIL is a massive problem, but so is her enabling son. He keeps protecting her, letting her get away with stuff, putting no boundaries up.
What you need to do is find your own hard line. When are you no longer going to accept any of this? When are you going to do the work yourself to remove her from the insurance? When will you insist on no longer supporting her? On getting your own place? You need to figure all this out independently, then talk to him and give him the firm facts of what you will and will not tolerate.
NTA. You know you have a husband problem, right? You have continued to allow him to undermine your position as well as your finances. You will lose your home and any stability you have waiting for your husband to man the f up and put your family first. YOU have to put your children first and stop wasting time waiting on spouse to step the hell up. Why don’t you contact the insurance company and remove MIL? Is she driving your vehicles? Do whatever you have to do to make yourself and your children stable. Don’t wait.