Hi. I know this sounds odd but some adults are actually upset at me over this.
so, I (17M) have autism and this leads to a lot of food sensitivities. I am working on expanding my palette but texture and smells really deter me. Enter my teacher. I was selected to attend a four day conference and on that conference we would be staying at a Marae (for non-kiwis it’s like a community area that have a bunch of places on it like wharenui and wharekai where there are gatherings).
One of the things the conference kids were doing on the Marae is having a hāngī which is where a bunch of foods like pumpkin and kumera are put into the ground and cooked underground. I have attended some before and I knew that I wouldn’t like much if anything so I packed two packs of spinach wraps in my bag to eat throughout the four day conference.
I have to stress that no one, literally no one, not even Kaumātua cared. So I thought, let me eat some wraps so that I don’t stay hungry during the Hāngī. I guess some photos were taken or someone called the teacher who put me on the trip and she was not happy.
After the hāngī I looked at my phone and had about twenty messages saying how disrespectful I was to the community and that I was shaming the school. I was really confused to this so I texted her back that the Kaumātua said it was ok but she’s absolutely livid and saying that she should’ve sent someone else on the trip and that I shouldve sucked it up and at least tried the food. So am I the asshole?
I mean I have no concept of the cultural context here but it sure seems like you’re NTA. You literally didn’t harm anyone at all.
NTA, I would definitely report that teacher for harassment. You were respectful about your food. You didn’t expect them to accommodate you and brought your own food to make up for not having anything to eat. I think your teacher went off the deep end…
NTA. There is nothing inherently rude about having food sensitivities. You didn’t make a fuss or demand that different food be provided, you just quietly got on and ate what you’d brought.
I’m sure a lot of people are going to disagree but I have two AuDHD kids and one of them has extreme food sensitivities. It’s improved as he’s got older, but at his own pace – when he’s ready to try something new he does. People who think you can eat anything if you try just don’t have a clue.
You can eat whatever the hell you want. What if you had allergies, what if certain foods induced previous trauma. Anything that you dont want to eat, shouldnt be forced on you to eat.
Tell her to go and fuck a cactus and leave her nose out of your business.
If no one there had an issue with it then NTA, and as a side note, i’m so glad i’m not the only one who eats plain wraps! people have thought i was crazy for this haha
NTA
I don’t know the culture but from what you’ve described, it sounds like only the teacher has a problem here. You shouldn’t be excluded from things for dietary reasons, and mental aversions to foods should be counted as a dietary restriction just as much as an allergy.
I feel you. I’m 60, autistic, and I’ve struggled with this issue my whole life.
I think you were smart to plan ahead so you didn’t go hungry; I often forget to do this. I’m not a kiwi so I’m not sure what a Kaumatua is? A host of the event? Clearly this person was more interested in you being otherwise engaged and not going hungry than worried about you eating something you clearly didn’t want. Food is something that is supposed to be nourishing to the spirit as well as the body, or so its regarded in my culture.
As a child my parents told me out of politeness I should at least try a bite of anything offered, whether I thought I would like it or not. It’s a gesture of politeness to the host for the effort they put in to preparing the food, and I might be surprised and like something I didn’t think I would. I have tried to follow that advice as an adult and it generally serves me well.
However, no one is obligated to eat something they know they won’t like or can’t eat because of a food intolerance/allergy. Your teacher’s reaction is over the top, and to suggest another kid should have gone instead of you just because you have food sensitivities is over the top.
NTA.
A kaumātua is an Māori elder & generally at an event like this, their permission to skip partaking in part of it is literally all that’s needed? I find it wild that the teacher cared so much when kaumātua didnt mind.
NAH.
If the hāngī was the main event, or a prominent part of every day of the conference, then perhaps you should have made the teacher aware of your sensitivities. But also your teacher should have made it clear to you that eating their food was a requirement of attending the conference.
Checking with the elder of the community was respectful, and in return the elder was accommodating. And so you did not, in fact, embarrass or shame the school.
Your teacher is upset because she thinks you were just being a “picky eater”. If she is aware of your autism, she is probably not specifically aware of your food sensitivities.
NTA. The Kaumātua said it was fine & that’s literally all the permission you needed. If the elders are not bothered, everybody else can be quiet.
If the teacher cared so much she should have at least checked each student for allergies and sensitivities before sending you all.
Without the cultural context knowledge, I have to say you are NTA.
You have food sensitivities. Instead of making everyone else conform to your needs, you took it upon yourself to bring food you are not sensitive to and let everyone else do their thing without having to worry about you being left out. This is responsible behavior and you were extremely sensitive to not impacting the group just for you.
Would they have reacted this way if it was a food allergy making you bring your own wraps? Probably not, and that just shows that they don’t understand the condition you are dealing with.
You did everything right here (at least from a US cultural standard, I can’t speak to Maori culture). You made sure you could participate in activities without putting yourself in a position of discomfort or making others feel uncomfortable. You talked to the elder and the others running the event to make sure it was OK to do this. And you PARTICIPATED in these events, even though it was outside your comfort zone.
Unless there is a strong cultural taboo about eating outside food at a Hangi, it’s your teacher who is TA here.
Hey it’s time to get your parent and your teachers supervisor involved to help mediate this because NTA
Report the teacher to your administration, you are NTA but the adult sure is acting like one.