**AITA for getting angry at a joke?** (TYPO IN TITLE)
TL:DR I got angry at a joke my biological father made at me while I was trying to drive to practice for a road test. I ended up not taking the test. Am I the asshole?
So today, my aunt and father (brother and sister) pick me(F 17) up from school early because I had a road test an hour later. Now, im a nervous person when it comes to these things, so my aunt was letting me drive, As i was literally pulling out, my dad cracks up a joke that implied my driving skills and she starts also saying to me which led me to get distracted and do something wrong so fast(i got into the wrong lane), so I get angry and tell my dad to leave me alone. My aunt quickly dismisses me and says to take a joke and that she won’t waste her time on someone who acts like that. I get off the wheel not even 5 minutes in because I am angry the whole way back. We stop at a pharmacy, when she came back out, she asks if I still want to go for my test and I say no and how I did not like what my father and her said to me. Now, I usually don’t mind jokes, but this wasn’t a time or place. She goes on again how I have to take a joke and I say how I don’t like jokes when it comes to doing something that makes me nervous. This is where I question if I was an asshole or overreacted because my anger got to a point I started saying stuff to my dad. Now he wasn’t there in my life so I started saying stuff a long the lines of “If I don’t get my license, im blaming you”(not a good thing to say, I know) which he replied with “you can’t blame others for stuff” which is valid. But continuing to invalidate and say stuff to me when I clearly asked for it to stop…? Anyways, this stupidness caused me to miss my road test because of how I felt and now that I feel better, I feel it was my fault. Am I the asshole in this?
YTA and it sounds like you’re not ready to drive. If you get distracted this easily, please don’t get on the road yet.
NTA on the way to the test is not when they should be joking about your driving. But also if you got that angry and distracted you probably are not ready to take the test yet. Get more practice.
I wouldn’t call you an a-hole but it does sound like an overreaction. Driving is a responsibility and if you can’t handle stress while driving then I think you need more practice.
YTA. As someone who’s supposed to get their license, you are too easily distracted 🥴 whatever are you gonna do if you drive for real when there are always movements/noises around you? If you get worked up at a slight provocation (which makes you a probable candidate for road raging lol) then you’re most likely not even ready to have a license yet.
Both YTA and NTA.
NTA first: jokes are supposed to be funny. If someone makes a joke about someone else(like father did to you), and the target of the joke isn’t laughing, it’s not a joke. It’s bullying. Getting mad someone is shitting on you is not being an asshole. Dad shouldn’t have made the joke.
YTA, but soft: Your reaction. Yes, the anger is valid, but you let it get far enough into your mind that you skipped your test, honestly it shows you’re not ready to drive. Road Rage, inconsiderate drivers, other distractions, you have to be able to remain cool during these kinds of situations. If a few comments are enough to derail you, you’re not ready. Tearing into your dad may not have been cool, but he antagonized you. That specific interaction at the end is an ESH moment.
NTA, jokes are only funny if everyone thinks so. You might be overreacting, idk, that depends how severe the joke actually was. You don’t seem ready for a license yet tho, if you’re that easily distracted.
If you get distracted that easily, you should probably practice a bit more to feel more comfortable and confident with driving. You were likely under a lot of stress because of the test, you lashing out wasn’t the best move tbh, but given the stress you were probably under, it’s kinda understandable even if you maybe overreacted a bit.
ESH. When the subject of a joke isn’t laughing, it’s not a joke, it’s bullying. On the other hand, if one interaction distracted you to the point that you were driving in the wrong lane and you were so overwhelmed that you skipped your test, it’s clear you’re not ready to have a license
I have no idea what the joke was. Your reaction could be reasonable or unreasonable depending on how bad it was.
I do think you acted very emotionally (whether or not it was justified) and the worst effect was on you since you didn’t take the test.
ESH. If you’re that easily distracted by things when driving you shouldn’t be on the road. While yes, what they did wasn’t nice, you also should not be that easily distracted by things when on the road. If something this minor distracted you, imagine what else could happen in high stress situations on the road.
I do not think you are in the wrong here.
Adults can very often forget how important things are to teenagers when they are happening to you for the first time. I remember how nerve-wracking it was to learn how to drive and take my road test. I’m a lawyer now and I think the road test was scarier to me as a teenager than the Bar exam was for me after I graduated law school (or at least the way it FELT was bigger, because I was younger and hadn’t developed all of the coping skills for handling stressful situations that I now have as an adult).
The way both your aunt and your father minimized what you were feeling and then tried to gaslight you into thinking this was not a big deal at all really disappoints me, on your behalf.
I will say that the things you said afterward were probably not the best way to handle the situation, but I also recognize that you were triggered, and the adults you were looking to for comfort in that moment only further triggered you, and that’s not right. You’re the child here and deserve to have adults who treat you with respect, and you deserve to have a parent who knows how to support you instead of make an inappropriate joke and an inappropriate time and then further continue to degrade you as you have a reasonable reaction to what was happening.
You’re very young and it sounds like you already have a good head on your shoulders; as you grow older you will learn better ways to handle these situations. You’ll also learn better how to decipher what your gut is telling you, and how to put up boundaries with the other people in your life where they are needed.
Don’t worry too much about what happened here. You’ll have another chance to take your road test, and it actually shows a lot of maturity that you knew you weren’t in the right frame of mind to take your test today.
Best of luck!
I will also add, as a lot of people have also commented on you not being prepared enough to get a driver’s license:
Unfortunately the large majority of new drivers are FAR from prepared enough to have a driver’s license. The things my friends and I did, and the things that distracted us…are horrifying thinking back on it. But unfortunately the only way to gain confidence (and SKILL) driving by yourself is to be able to drive by yourself (which obviously requires a license).
I agree that it is concerning that you got so distracted by such a seemingly small thing, but I also think it is something that is absolutely normal and something that happens OFTEN to people your age and that’s why I’m not holding it against you.
I definitely think you could benefit from driving some more with an adult you feel really comfortable around and who you know will give you constructive criticism and help you learn, rather than judge and joke about you.
NTA. Stress and emotions can be overwhelming and hard to get control of, and your family was insensitive. It was actually a good idea to postpone your test though, you want to be calm and in control when you take it. Give yourself some grace and move past it, there are plenty of other days to take driving tests.