My name is Freda I’m a 23year old college student, and one of my closest friends on campus and I have very different personalities her name is Emma. We’ve been friends for a few years, and for the most part we get along well, but the way we view life don’t always match. I’m very much a planner I like clear expectations and knowing what’s happening ahead of time. My friend is more spontaneous and tends to assume things will work out without much planning and structure.
This difference became an issue recently around a campus event we had planned to attend together. It was something we’d both been excited about for weeks, and because it required registration and had a strict start time, I suggested we plan our evening in advance. We talked through it and agreed on when we’d get ready, when we’d leave, and how we’d get there. She agreed that having a plan made sense. On the day of the event, I checked in with her earlier in the afternoon just to confirm everything was still good. She told me it was and said she was looking forward to it. When the time came to leave, though, she wasn’t ready yet. At first, she said she just needed a few more minutes, so I waited. Those minutes stretched into more time, and I could tell we were getting close to missing part of the event. I reminded her of the schedule we’d agreed on and explained that I really didn’t want to arrive late after planning so carefully. She laughed it off and said it wouldn’t be a big deal if we showed up late or skipped the beginning. That frustrated me, because being on time was important to me, and it felt like our earlier conversation was being ignored.
After waiting a bit longer, I told her I was going to head out so I wouldn’t miss it. I made it clear she was still welcome to come and could meet me there whenever she was ready. She seemed irritated by this and said I was being rigid, but she didn’t try to stop me.
I went by myself and ended up having a really good time. Still, I felt a little guilty for not going together the way we’d planned. Later that night, she texted me and said she was upset. She told me that leaving without her had embarrassed her and made her feel like I didn’t care about her feelings. According to her, a real friend would have waited, even if it meant missing part of the event. I tried to explain that I wasn’t trying to hurt her and that I valued our friendship, but I also felt it wasn’t fair to expect me to abandon a plan we’d both agreed on at the last minute. Now things between us are awkward, and a few mutual friends have suggested that I should just apologize to keep the peace. I’m torn, because while I don’t think I did anything wrong, I also don’t want this to damage our friendship.
So, AITA for refusing to apologize?
Nta. If someone doesn’t value your time, they don’t value you. Don’t trust people who are late to everything and don’t care if you have to miss parts of events you scheduled because they’re not ready for something they knew was going to happen for a while. Next time if you plan something together and she’s not ready, tell her that you’re leaving on time and you will do this every time in the future she makes you late to something you’re looking forward to. Well, you don’t have to. But I would do that. I hate being late to things I’m looking forward to. 🙁
thank you for this, i honestly thought this would be common knowledge but it’s crazy how people can change the narrative
NTA – her time isn’t more valuable than yours.
NTA
Turn it around on her. Tell her that a real friend doesn’t make the other wait on them like that.
She doesn’t respect your time. If she’s always running late, showing up late, etc, stop making plans with her as she’s too selfish and unreliable. People who are habitually late are annoying and should not be catered to.
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’ll stop making plans with her.
NTA. “I care about your feelings exactly the same way you seem to care about mine.”
NTA. And I‘m impressed that you ended up going by yourself.
NTA why wouldn’t a real friend be on time
NTA. Always leave on time. She knows the schedule. Not your fault if she can’t / won’t manage her time.
Don’t miss things because of people who don’t respect your time / needs.
She’s a hypocrite. A real friend would be on time and not made you miss something because she sucks at her time management. The only person who embarrassed her was herself.
NTA.
NTA.
Seems she is the one that doesn’t care about your feelings, and she’s quick to cast blame for her own mistakes.
Tell her that being late embarrassed you and made you feel like she didn’t care about your feelings.
Also, ask your friends why she can’t get over it to keep the peace.
“A real friend would have waited”.
No, a real friend would have respected both your time and your agreement, and showed up at the agreed upon time.
NTA. Tell her a “real friend” would have been on time. That was the plan you’d agreed upon.
By the way, it’s healthy for her and for you when you stick to the agreed-upon plan. She needs to learn that the world will not wait for her, and plan accordingly.