Recently, my (23M) online friend (26F) moved to the same city as me. They’re looking for opportunities to go out as they have no friends or family in the area or are on speaking terms with. We both are into a lot of the same music, and two bands I like are touring here pretty soon.
For clarity purposes, one band is a rock band and the other electronic. I listen to both pretty heavily but my friend only knows a few songs (that they really enjoy) from the electronic band. I want to see both bands with a big emphasis on seeing the electronic band whereas my friend wants to see the rock band and doesn’t really mind seeing the electronic one.
To make matters more complicated, I have other IRL friends that I already invited and offered to buy tickets for at both concerts as they do not have their own sources of income at the moment, and I don’t have enough money to also cover my online friend if they were to join. Me and the other IRL friend going with me to the electronic band do not drive, but I asked my online friend if they were willing to rent a car and drive both of us which both IRL friend and I see as an equal exchange as I covered 2 out of 3 tickets – roughly the same price as renting a car and buying one ticket – and my IRL friend offered to cover all food and drink for the night. Thus, everyone is bringing something of roughly equal value to the table to cover transport, entry, and food/drinks.
But online friend doesn’t see it as equal, and they brought up gas prices as an added cost I didn’t take into account, which is true, but even after I offered to chip in or even fully cover that as well, they still feel slighted.
I asked online friend to help figure out and secure the situation for the electronic band first for a few reasons.
First, even though they only really know a few songs, I know they enjoy said songs immensely and they always put on a great show. They would 100% have as great a time there as at the other concert.
Second, these two friends are the only people I know that even remotely like the electronic band. If my online friend bowed out completely, I would have to expend money on a *third* ticket for someone who doesn’t even like the band in any capacity to bring me and IRL friend and then I certainly wouldn’t have enough money to even cover *myself* for the rock band.
Third, the rock band is currently insanely popular, like. HUGE. They tour every single year without fail, and if we missed them this time it’s no big deal. The electronic band could be considered past their prime, getting up there in age, and tours infrequently enough as is.
All I want is to hang out with some friends at some concerts over the summer and I want to include my online friend as I know they are having a tough time in a big, new city relatively on their own. The only way I can think of to make both situations work is to have my friend cooperate on the one they aren’t as excited for first, which is a big ask, but AITA for that?
You’re selfish and YTA.
YTA
I’m sorry but you haven’t actually given us any prices which would be really helpful because if you paid 600 for you and a friend and they only have to buy food yet the other friend has to pay 300 plus idk how much for gas for a band they don’t even care about that much you’re totally TAH
If it’s only 30 and the band is close than less so but still esh for paying for the friend who WANTS to see and not the friend who DOESNT. You showed a favourite in that act alone really regardless, you could’ve always paid half for both and let them cover the other half
YTA. You don’t sound like a good friend. You’re really only asking your friend to go because she can drive you. It would be fair for you to buy the tickets for the three of you or split the car evenly.
If the poor friend can buy food for “roughly equal value” to 2 tickets or 1 ticket + a car rental, why don’t they just buy their own ticket? Then everyone pays their own food and the cost of the rent is split equally in three. You even admit if your “online friend” refuses to drive you at their own cost, you will pay a ticket for someone else to drive you. You’re just using them.
ETA : YTA
YTA you’re using this friend for a free lift whilst making them buy a ticket for a band they don’t want to see despite already buying tickets for several other people
yta. you are making this much more complicated than it needs to be. everyone buys their own tickets and food/drinks. rideshare or bus or friend dropoff to the concert. renting a car for a concert is a bit much.
YTA and from the sounds of it working hard to be such, why does this have to be so convoluted?
This is why sometimes I love going to shows alone, none of this nonsense.
YTA. Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for your friend. You are asking them to solve a problem that you created by prioritizing other people first then turned around to this friend, only after you seemed to need something from them, and are treating their car, time, money, and effort as a bargaining chip. I don’t see any equal exchange here. Just some entitlement and selfishness.
Yeah, YTA.
You’re not being nice to your online friend, you’re trying to take advantage of them. This is all about you trying to get what you want, and you sound more like a 16 year old than an 26 year old.
Invite people to come. Each of you can figure out transportation there/back either individually or as a group. If you want to pay for someone else’s ticket then fine, but don’t cry poor about not being able to afford an uber/ticket to the other concert.
Figure out your own transport solution that doesn’t involve making someone else pick up your tab. Bus/train/taxi/uber whatever. Hell, shanks pony if you have to.
Your “online friend” is perfectly within their rights to not want to see the electronic band, or not prioritise it. And they are perfectly within their rights to see this for what it is – you getting your own way without regard for anyone else and trying to cloak it under the pretence of ‘being nice’.
So… you think paying for your own ticket + irl friend’s ticket somehow is of equal value as online friend paying for the car?? How? Those tickets have nothing to do with online friend. You’re not doing them a favor by paying for your own ticket. Tickets are an individual cost while the car benefits all.
Use public transportation, get a taxi/uber, and stop trying to use a friend for your own convenience. YTA
YTA. If I understand it correctly, you are personally paying for you and a different person to attend a concert that really only the two of you want to go to, and then are asking your online friend to buy a ticket to this show, rent a car, pay for gas, and take the time to chauffeur all of you around for the honor of being in your presence at the concert? Um, what?
And you’re trying to convince yourself that somehow you’re the generous person in this scenario? You’re fully using your online friend.
Just get yourself and your IRL friend to this concert on your own. Do something else with the other friend that isn’t totally selfish.
YTA, you haven’t even met this person IRL and you are asking them to rent a car and drive you and your friend to another concert they aren’t even that into, oh and buy their own ticket for it. For all they know, you are just using them for a ride. Not to mention meeting people IRL when you are alone and they have a friend can make things really awkward and turn into a third wheel situation fast. Completely understand them not wanting to go along with any of this.