I (17f) hate therapy. My parents have sent me to five by now. They keep pulling me from therapy after eight-ten appointments because I don’t make progress quickly enough, which I could get if it were a financial concern, except I don’t think it is, because then they just send me to another therapist.
They only believe in CBT therapy. They don’t even believe in psychiatric medication–my pediatrician asked them if they’d consider it for me and they said no, anybody on psych meds doesn’t deserve to be happy. My current therapist is the worst. He told me my OCD and PTSD diagnoses weren’t real (I was abused a couple years ago) and says that I just have regular anxiety and need to exercise more. He won’t allow me to talk about any of my past, which I would like to, and says we’re just here to work on my ‘current thought distortions.’ I also found a quote from him in a newspaper about how he thinks people should go off meds and spend more time with friends, just for context, but he doesn’t like when I talk about that either.
My parents don’t let me cry at home or talk to them about anything that happened to me because ‘that’s what I should do in therapy.’ They also tell me I shouldn’t talk to anybody at my school when I’m upset because then everybody will judge me, so I don’t do that either. Except I feel terrible and I’m just done with everything. Therapy seems like a punishment and just there to make me into less of an inconvenience and I have so many nightmares and am struggling to cope with what happened. I would ask my doctor for help but my parents don’t let me go to the appointment alone (they’ve threatened to punish me if I do) and, because my mother’s in the exam room with me, I can’t ask for resources there either.
Recently my parents had some friends over and for some reason they were talking about mental health. I’ve asked them not to talk about mine because it embarrasses me but they do anyway. My mother was bragging about how she put me in trauma therapy and I’m doing way better and have grown really close with my therapist.
That made me angry because therapy, and specifically my current therapist, have been the worst thing for me this school year. It just annoys me how nobody believes me or lets me share my perspective, so I interrupted them and said, "I’m not in trauma therapy, I’m in CBT, and it’s not helpful." I told their friends everything–how I’m not allowed to talk about the trauma, how I get pulled from appointments if I don’t get better quickly enough and switched to another therapist, how I feel like I’m made to be more convenient then feel any better.
I know what I said made people uncomfortable, and even though I went back to my room after I could tell it was quieter downstairs and people left pretty early. My mother said I ruined the atmosphere and shouldn’t have interrupted an adult conversation anyway, and I also made her look bad. I do feel badly for trauma-dumping on a bunch of strangers too. AITA?
NTA
SO fucking proud of you for shaming them like that! The nerve of them to put you on blast AND lie about it.
Girl, you’re being actively abused by your parents, though I’m reallt unclear what their motivation is for therapist hopping and keeping you with this CBT asshole Perhaps to gaslight/make you feel unstable?
Please, *please* be sure you have a plan in place when you turn 18. You need to get away from there if you’re ever going to heal. My father did similar things when I was your age–I’m in my 30s now and have never recovered because I stayed trapped in the wheel, thinking I was the problem. Also, don’t sign anything they give you. Trust me.
I hope you continue your therapy journey with the right person, who can help you heal your trauma and live your fullest life. Personally, IFS therapy has been a godsend for yours truly.
You got this.
Aw thank you. That’s exactly how I feel about it–if you’re going to use me for mental health clout with your friends, at least be honest. Don’t pretend like what you’re doing is helpful when it’s actively harmful.
I know that they keep picking therapists from within the same practice but it’s not near where I live so it isn’t like it’s th only one in the area. There’s several much closer. I know the therapist hopping is because of the ‘lack of progress’ (I don’t know how much progress I ought to be making when I feel like we only get through intakes the first couple of weeks but apparently it’s not enough) and I’ve only seen this guy a couple of times which is why I still have him.
What “progress” are they expecting? Have they outlined exactly what they expect form you? My gut says they probably haven’t.
Either way, very proud of you for using your voice!
They told me they don’t want me to cry or be anxious at home, like, at all.
I’ve been having a lot of stomach issues/vomiting when I’m stressed and they want that to go away too.
They also say they don’t want me to go ‘from zero to 100’ in terms of emotional reactions. Their examples are when I panic or freak out when I have a nightmare or a man touched me in public. Except my argument back is, I had a nightmare and a man touched me in public…after I had been abused. I feel like that’s a justified crash out.
It’s not a crash out, not one bit–it’s a triggered reaction to really horrible trauma. It requires proper therapy.
Your parents’ treatment of you is even worse than I thought. It’s utterly horrific. You need help, not to be treated like a living doll who has no feelings.
Your parents’ expectations are unrealistic and unfair. It would be realistic to look for a reduction in these symptoms and behaviors, for you to be able to better cope with them over time, and for them to be lower in intensity over time. Also the time-frames involved are months and years, not 6-8 sessions.
Therapist here. You CAN NOT CBT your way out of trauma. Trauma requires different skills and interventions. Be compassionate with yourself until you can get to a therapist on your own for real help.
you were not trauma dumping, you were crying for help. NTA
NTA and you didn’t only get abused a few years ago – you are currently being abused by your parents. The abuse is ongoing and I hope so much for you that you’ll eventually be able to escape it.
What you did was the first, very brave step. Keep going! Tell anyone you think you can trust about what your parents are doing to you. They told you people would be annoyed by you but that’s how abusers get away with it – by convincing you no one will care. Most people you tell will be just as appalled as I am.
Tell your friends and ask them to tell their parents. Tell a teacher. Tell a school counselor. Call your doctor’s office in advance and tell them your parents will punish you if you ask to speak to the doctor privately but you need to and could THEY make an excuse to get your mom out of the room please? Most doctor’s offices should be good at that.
Worst case scenario, if you really feel like you’re going to harm yourself, your parents cannot prevent you from going to the emergency room and asking to be admitted to an inpatient psych ward. You shouldn’t need their consent at this age. If you could get admitted you’d be out of their reach, a doctor could help get you started on meds, and there will be social workers who you can report your parent’s abuse to and who can help you come up with a plan to escape.
Do any or all of these steps that you feel comfortable with. You’re so brave to out them to their friends. Please keep screaming from the rooftops until you either find someone to help, find an escape route or shame your parents into getting you proper medical care. You deserve so much better!
I actually got admitted a bit ago, but my mother told me to lie and say I was just being dramatic so I did and got discharged within the day. They didn’t set us up with any resources which I did find curious (because even if I had been lying surely that’s something that needs help too…) and honestly I’m just embarrassed that it happened and was kind of public so I’m trying to avoid the psych ward now. Plus my parents were ticked at me for the bill.
Abusers love to guilttrip to make you do the bad things becauase they are afraid of seeing themselves in the mirror.
Can you call to where you got admitted and tell them that your parenta forced you to withdraw? Probably a long waiting list but at least you get your stuff fixed on your way to adulthood.
NTA. I’m a trauma therapist and I would never ever shut down a client’s urge to process their experience. That’s what I’m trained for, I provide the safe space for them to do so without trauma dumping on others. A lot of my adult clients actually have had this experience in their childhood/teen years with therapists and I’m always floored that therapists can be that bad, but just know you are not alone and therapy can truly help you if you can find the right fit. I’m sorry you’re going through this, unfortunately your parents have a lot of say in your treatment as a minor, but at 17, you’re close to being able to make your own decisions. My advice is to keep yourself safe by whatever means you need to right now, and that might include keeping yourself psychologically safe from your therapist or your parents. When you’re 18, try and find a therapist on your own, I always advise Psychology Today as a place to start. Also, even if you’re on their insurance, your HIPPA information and privacy should be protected from them, so any worthwhile therapist won’t share the things you speak about with your parents. Good luck, and if you are in NY state feel free to DM.
I am a teacher. That makes me a mandated reporter. If you were my student and you told me this, I would call social services.
This right here. Honey tell a teacher!