I (31F) do nontradional work so it can vary if I’m working at my office or if I’m out on the road. But I get to make my own schedule for the most part. I like having that freedom. But my sister (25F) has been a stay at home mom for the last year for her 7mth son. Her husband told her she needs to get a job because their expense are hard to cover.
Side note: I’m childfree by choice, not married. I also am not the biggest fan of kids.
(They eat out ALOT, travel ALOT, and are not the kind to budget or save)
She recently asked me (because I don’t really have a job?) I do infact work, have a job and pay nearly $2500 bills a month by myself but whatever lol – if I would watch her so. Durning the day (think 8-5) Tuesday-Fridays, so she can get a job. I told her I would have to think about it (yes I’m a pushover and have a hard time saying no. I was raised by an abusive parent that when you were ask/told to do something you said yes no matter what cause saying no got you a thrashing).
But I can’t give up 4 days a week especially during my main work hours to watch her kid. They offered to pay me about $5 a hour and I make nearly $35-45 a hour at my normal work.
We are going to lunch today here in a few hours to talk things out but I know in the end I will have to tell her no. Because then I can’t afford my house and my bills.
I’m the reliable child of me and my two siblings. The oldest daughter and I’m always being asking to do stuff for other people it’s been this way for years. The past few years I have been saying no and doing less in order to make my life easier, but am I the asshole for this after I told her I would think about it?
Any advise?
NTA, it’s her child and not yours. If you don’t want to be a babysitter, nobody can force you to be one.
You can’t watch a child during your own job. Period. She’s going to need to make other arrangements.
NTA.
NTA, do NOT budge on this. If you give in even the slightest, your sister will continue to try taking advantage of you whenever she can. $5/hour is abysmal for any job in the United States (assuming that’s where you are), especially taking care of a 7 month old.
NTA
You can’t give up your job to become your sister’s cheap babysitter.
“Sorry, Sis, but $5/hour is a lot less than I make at my job. I can’t afford to give up my job to be your babysitter at that price. I have bills I have to pay. Have you considered getting a job at night while your husband stays home with the baby? Or maybe you can redo your budget to make it more affordable to stay home longer?”
NTA!
Agreed, OP needs to tell sister to find her own solutions. OP works, too. Can you imagine if OP had a job offer and had to turn it down because of babysitting??
This was somewhat refreshing as OP’s story didn’t include the entire parental quote of ‘family helps family’ while they sit by judging. Still, what is with these people thinking everyone else is responsible for their choices to have kids, to spend frivolously beyond actual needs, and to working part time yet trying to keep full-time expenses?
NTA. You did think about it- as promised. Just please tell her no NOW without trying to figure out to compromise yourself any further to accommodate what was truly an unreasonable ask on her part.
You are absolutely NTA. You have thought about it. You’ve realized that trading the $35-$45 per hour flexible-schedule work that supports you for a four day a week full-time $5 an hour (a sum even high school girls who babysit would scoff at) job will leave you destitute and unable to pay your $2500 monthly expenses. You’ve realized that you don’t like taking care of kids. You’ve realized that you don’t want to give up financial viability so someone else — someone who has demonstrated that they have zero respect for your work or concern for your financial viability or your life choices — can get a job.
Something else for you to think about is why it’s so hard for you to say no to things that are clearly not in your best interest. You don’t even owe your sister an explanation when you say no, although you could simply tell her truthfully that you can’t afford to do it, and that you don’t choose to do childcare. A simple, “It won’t work for me,” will suffice though.
Please don’t let yourself be manipulated or guilted into this.
NTAH.
I’d remind your sister you do in fact work and have nearly 3k in bills a month. You cannot afford to work less, so your sister can work more. If you are willing you can offer to help her 1 day a week or anything you are comfortable with. If you are comfortable with anything.
You’re not obligated to sacrifice your schedule for her needs. Set boundaries firmly. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary for your stability. Stand your ground and communicate clearly.
You need to grow a spine! What is there to think about?
You can’t throw your life away to be your irresponsible sister’s slave labour.
Tell your sister that just because you don’t have fixed hours, you do still have work and you have bills to pay. Offer to help her budget if she needs help.
Make it very clear that you are not good with children and don’t enjoy them. Under no circumstances give a wishy washy answer. State a clear boundary.
NTA. Absolutely not. If you do it, you will be taken advantage of and expected to watch the kid even when she’s not working so she can grocery shop, clean, go the salon, the gym, do whatever she wants while paying you $5 an hour. Look up what daycare costs in your area. They charge what they do for a reason. Don’t get yourself in that mess.
Put the ball in her court. Tell her that you will be happy to babysit, but your fee is $45/hour which is what you earn at your job. I bet she’ll never ask again, and you didn’t have to say “no”.
“I can do it for $45/hr.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“So is taking a $40/hr pay cut to do work I won’t enjoy.”
NTA! Tell sister that you thought about it and won’t work for you on any level. She’ll have to get actual daycare for the baby. If she pulls the “but you don’t actually work” crap, say “look sis, I love you and the baby, but first, whether you realize it or not, I HAVE a job, and it’s one where working and daycare at the same time just isn’t possible. I’m not even at home X amount of time while doing my job. Second, I’m childfree by choice and I’m not good with babies or kids in general.”
If she (or any flying monkeys) keeps it up, shut down the discussion. Say “I said no. There will be no further discussion on the topic.” And then walk away.
(Note that some companies forbid employees to do daycare at the same they’re WFH. Can you use that tactic on her?)