She also gave me a present in a Christmas gift bag and it was obvious that it was a re gifted Christmas present she got and didn’t want.
Should I be upset or just be happy she went out with me and gifted me something at all? Do I not pay for her birthday dinner in the future?
QUESTION: what was the planning leading up to the birthday dinner? How old are you guys?
She booked it and invited me out. We are in our 30s
Well if she booked it and invited you then usually that person needs to communicate the expectations regarding paying for the food else you will assume that they will be paying.
If you book and invite you pay unless agreed otherwise.
INFO: It all depends on previous situations any your existing dynamic. Have you paid for each others birthday meals in the past? What did you do for their birthday last couple of years?
NAH. It’s okay to feel a little disappointed, but birthdays don’t automatically mean someone is expected to pay unless that was clearly discussed. She still showed up and brought a gift, even if it wasn’t thoughtful. Going forward, I’d just keep expectations aligned and not assume payment either way.
YTA for being in your 30s and getting mad because someone didn’t pay for your dinner on your birthday.
I mean, if someone said “Hey…let’s go out for dinner for your birthday. I’ll make reservations!” I would maybe think they were going to treat. But also knowing how I hate awkward situations I would probably ask some clarifying questions to make sure if this was an each-person-pays-their-way situation or not.
I think this is an age-old case of “assuming makes an ass out of you and me”.
“Should” is not the same as “we are all on the same page about what WILL happen”
Info: what words were used when she invited you?
Was it do you wanna go out for dinner?
Or
Can I take you out for dinner?
Info – ages (or age range)? Financial stability of the friend? You may be overthinking things, but if this is a trend, then maybe rethink how you spend time together. But if she is struggling and doing the best she can, then maybe just let it go.
I read from the comments that she booked it and invited you. So in this case NTA – because wtf was she thinking? This is unacceptable. New friend or not, you don’t invite someone out (especially on their birthday) unless you’re paying cause doing that basically makes the expectations that you’re treating the person. And for a friend to re-gift something you didn’t want? I say she doesn’t deserve to be a friend at all. Because real friends make an effort to actually be thoughtful.
Better conclusion, cut her off. She’s cheap Af. But if not, definitely don’t pay anything for her. Better yet, give her a gift like a freebie of something on her bday, let’s see how she feels about having the favor returned.
NAH
I understand why you assumed she would pay for the dinner, but also it’s on you for assuming and not making sure. She doesn’t OWE you dinner or a gift, even though it’s common practise.
I’d say the same for the gift: do you KNOW that it was a regift or are you just assuming because of the bag? Because…it’s just a damn bag and a lot of folks couldn’t be bothered to waste time and money on the bag the gift is in. Personally, I reuse gift bags regardless of the occasion. And I’m not opposed to re-gifting, either.
It’s also perfectly ok to note how much effort a friend puts into you. Not to be petty, but just…to be aware. Some people aren’t gift oriented, some people are.
If gifting/birthdays are important to you, TELL HER. We all need to stop assuming that our loved ones should “just know” or value things the same way we do. We all need to just tell people how we want them to show up for us, and be open to them telling us the same.