My little sister is getting married this summer and I couldn’t be happier for her. She seems really happy and deserves all of it.
She met her partner this year, and they got engaged fairly quickly and are getting married within a year of knowing eachother. Around the same time she met her partner, I met mine. By the time the wedding arrives, we’ll both be with our partners for the same amount of time. She did not give me a +1 for my partner for the wedding. I told her im in a serious relationship and we’re wanting to integrate our lives but she will not make an exception. She said "if you guys are engaged by that time, I’ll reconsider". That was hurtful as our timelines are different and we aren’t in a rush. The wedding is being held at a private rental home versus a wedding home, and if it were about cost, I would be happy to cover the cost.
I feel very hurt that my sister won’t make this exception. I feel I’ve always been there for her and helped her when she needed me, and I’m also really happy and would hate to exclude my partner.
AITA for being upset that she won’t even consider this?
NAH You’re not an asshole for being upset but she’s also not an asshole for her decision. It’s her wedding she decides who she invites
NTA for being upset. She’s honestly being unreasonable.
“if you guys are engaged by that time, I’ll reconsider”
This comes across as elitist and gatekeeping. She seems to think she’s better than you because she’s getting married and you’re not engaged.
NTA
And I would probably send back the invite with “sorry, can’t make it, but we wish you all the best” on it.
It’s tacky AF to not give +1s for weddings. No one likes to go to a wedding by themselves. It’s especially tacky to not allow your sibling or someone in your wedding party to have a +1 and I would call her bluff and tell her to have a nice wedding. She’s being deliberately disrespectful to your partner and if she doesn’t want them there, she doesn’t get either of you there.
Agree completely. It’s tacky not to allow plus ones. People would rather spend a fortune on venue and flowers than spend a dollar on the people who love them.
Everyone deserves a plus one. I even gave my teenage cousin a plus one because I knew she’d be happier attending with a friend to keep her company. They had fun. I limited the wedding number so people could have plus ones.
NTA but I would reconsider attending the wedding itself.
It’s not even about her not giving you a plus one for her wedding. It’s about her being judge-mental of the stages of your relationship – it’s like your relationship is real only if you guys are engaged and planning to get married in a couple of months.
What’s next? Your marriage or life doesn’t have meaning unless you have at least 2 kids?
You’re not an asshole for being upset but neither is she. It’s her wedding so it’s her decisions. Just because you’ve been dating for the same amount of time doesn’t mean you get an automatic invite for him.
Stay for the ceremony then head out. She’s allowed to include whomever she wants, but you can choose to stay for as long as you wish. NTA
NAH. I don’t think your sister’s rule is designed to disrespect your relationship. I suspect that with the high cost of weddings she decided on a rule to help cut down on costs—“no ring, no bring”, which is a very common rule for +1s. Basically, if she makes an exception for you she’d have to make an exception for someone else and that would add up quickly. However, I get why it would be upsetting for you.
No ring no bring is one of the dumbest rules.
I’ve been with my partner for 18 years and we will never get married. There’s no way I would ever go to wedding that excluded my partner due to us not having a piece of paper to make our relationship “official” in someone else’s eyes.
NTA. Return the favor when you get married. If she protests because she’s “married”, tell her it’s not about commitment, it’s about revenge.
NTA
The modern “no ring no bring” extends to serious relationships without needing to be engaged. Not inviting your brothers serious GF is pretty bad etiquette which is why I’m voting NTA as opposed to no assholes here.
INFO: Do other people get +1’s? Are you being treated equally?
Is this a large wedding (in terms of guests) or not?
NTA. The idea that you have to be engaged to have a proper, meaningful relationship is ridiculous. Especially as it sounds like she essentially speedran hers.
A **no +1** for her own sister, when you are in an established relationship seems exceptionally rigid and almost bizarre.