In our house, there’s five people and four cats. Everyone there is safely full of love, and I don’t think anyone truly has any malice, but sometimes I do think there’s lack of consideration and may be it comes from all of us.
Recently, it’s been an issue where my roommate who is in school gets woken up by us closing doors or closing the toilet or anything really. She tried to resolve the solution by turning on a fan in her room to help with the sound, and I tried to help by putting hush bumps on everyone’s door. But sometimes they don’t work perfectly because it doesn’t stop the click from the door knob so you have to close it with the awareness that you have to turn the door knob.
After months, she’s still complaining that the noise wakes her up and then she can’t go back to sleep and that she loses out on like 4 to 5 hours of sleep and while I do understand because she’s in school and has a lot going on at this point it feels medical.
A quick summary of what I sent in our roommate chat was “ I’m not trying to come off any kind of way. We’ve tried all these things. Have you considered maybe seeing if a doctor could prescribe you something? “
I know we’re all different people, but personally, the other four people in the house hear a noise and go right back to sleep or don’t wake up at all. And I don’t wanna be disrespectful, but that is my last suggestion to her because I’m not sure how else we can try to be quieter when sometimes it’s by accident… she didn’t respond to that and she’s not responding to anything I’ve said I even tried to message her privately outside of the roommate chat 🙁
NTA you’ve done a lot to try to adjust for her but you can’t just not go to the bathroom because the sound of a doorknob wakes her up.
I know I grew up in a strict household because I was like of course you turn the knob when you close it?!
But if you didn’t have parents that enforced no sound at night then that would probably a hard habit to pick up
NTA. I’m a light sleeper and I don’t make it anyone else’s problem. I sleep with earplugs and a noise machine and that’s solved all my problems. I personally wouldn’t recommend jumping straight to a doctor, but definitely tell her to try earplugs.
I made an earplug suggestion to her once, and she didn’t like that suggestion saying it wouldn’t be comfortable and said we can try the hush bumpers (which help a little but still not enough)
If she doesn’t want to try things, then you’ve done all you can do and I wouldn’t stress. They make earplugs specifically for sleeping, and I had to try a few different types out until I found ones comfortable for me, if you did want to bring it up again to her.
First night with earplugs might be uncomfortable- but you get used to them real fast and there’s lots of varieties. They are actually amazing and absolutely game changers. I used mouldable blue ones and they fit to your ear shape. Honestly they are everything. It is THE solution.
Unless you’re like me, the first night is tolerable and after that my ears hurt even when I don’t have them in.
I mean I don’t think there’s anything medically wrong with her just because she gets woken up by noise. That’s pretty normal. Yes she could potentially get a sleep aid that would help her sleep through it if she wants to go that route. White noise machine might work better than a fan. Could use more details such as what time we’re talking about but so far NAH.
NTA. You’ve done your part. Maybe the roommate is finding they need to pony up for their own place.
Once someone is hyper fixated on noises, there’s no getting around it. My mother once griped at my dat for playing records in the next room. He turned the volume down and down until it was off, just the needle on the record. Turns out she could hear that still.
You’re not going to out muffle a close listener.
NTA, this isn’t inconsiderate level noise, it’s what you can expect when sharing a house amongst five, it’s not like she’s complaining about music, guests or conversations. It’s like you have to stress because you need to use the toilet at night and sorry that’s on her to work out.
NTA. Even if she lived alone in an apartment the world will not be silent for her, neighbors, landscapers, cars will all intervene to affect her sleep. As long as you aren’t playing music and stomping around, or having loud conversations, you are meeting your responsibilities as a good roommate. She can wear ear plugs, there are specialized ones for sleeping that integrate with an alarm. She can also use a noise machine and, worse case scenario – melatonin or something else.
Gonna preface this by saying that I am a very light sleeper who can’t use white noise and so am sympathetic to your roommate’s struggle. However, your roommate needs to learn the difference between reasonable and unreasonable noise in a shared house at night. TV, gaming, music, loud talking, doors banging – all unreasonable. But using the bathroom, walking around quietly, opening and closing doors quietly – all reasonable, even if it wakes her up. The distinction is that reasonable noises are things the rest of you need to be able to do and that wouldn’t disrupt most people. But she’s using herself as the measure and treating it as if anything that wakes her up is unreasonable. It’s not reasonable to expect you guys to accommodate this extreme level of sensitivity. If the noise being made at night is reasonable (which from what you described, it is), it’s on her to deal with it. NTA for the noise. The doctor comment is getting into greyer territory, because it’s not really your place to suggest that, but I get where you’re coming from and don’t think it was unkindly meant, so I’m gonna go NAH on that aspect (it doesn’t stray into A behaviour for me, but her being upset by the doctor comment is not A behaviour either, even though she is being an A about the noise).
Nta. She should live alone, ideally in a freestanding building. Being annoyed about the sound of doors latching isn’t reasonable. When I have to work nights and sleep during the day, my husband is as quiet as possible if he needs to come in the room, but I never get mad if he makes a small noise that disturbs me. He was shocked when we bought new dressers and I insisted that they have stationary handles since the click of the swinging handles against the drawer would sometimes wake me up. I didn’t tell him because it wasn’t solvable until we replaced the dressers. This is my problem and I use ear plugs and a sound machine to solve it.
NTA has she tried a white noise generator to drown out the noise, usually more effective than a fan. Also, a towel rolled up and pushed against the bottom of the door to her bedroom will block some noise. She might also want to consider putting some acoustic tiles up on her walls to help insulate it for sound.