AITA – I have a habit of falling asleep while relaxing in the evening watching TV. It’s not every evening, but not uncommon either. I’ve always had this effect, and it’s more of a doze off rather than falling deep into sleep.
It drives my wife crazy that I don’t simply go to bed immediately. She sometimes lets it slide but sometimes gets really angry and demands that I go to bed.
But here’s the issue – I’m often not truly ready for bed for the night, catch a ‘second wind’ and want to stay up for awhile.
While I can understand that it may be mildly annoying to have me doze off, I’d prefer it be chalked up to a peccadillo rather than be something that causes an argument.
So what do you think – AITA?
Update based on comments: I don’t snore. We both work, share house tasks, this is in the late evening after work is done. We’ve been married 18 years, she’s not necessarily dying to hang out with me. It just generally annoys her that I doze off
Info:
How long you dooze?
Is she expecting you to be with her instead of this?
Are you leaving her to all nightly tasks?
Yeah, like have you asked her *why* she gets upset?
Yeah if they are watching something for example and he always wakes up and asks what he missed, that gets old very quickly.
INFO: do you snore? My dad has sleep apnea. When he used to fall asleep on the couch, the snoring was so bad it went through the whole house. No one else could sleep even with doors closed and earbuds playing white noise. Not saying that’s your situation, just asking for clarification.
Possibly Yta. My man does the same thing and snores so loud I can’t hear the tv.
Are you snoring really loud?
NAH but i do understand where she’s coming from. My husband also falls asleep on the couch often; he takes up a lot of space and snores loudly which makes it hard for me to enjoy my own living room. I feel obligated to tip toe around him and not make a lot of noise to avoid waking him up. Shared space is just that and it’s not a convenient place to nap for anyone living in that space. Just go to bed
Mm… I think I need more INFO here. Has she explained *why* it annoys her when you fall asleep on the couch?
Is it perhaps because while you’re dozing, she is left to do all the evening house chores by herself?
Or is it maybe because while you’re dozing, she has to tiptoe around so as to not wake you up? (My dad does this, he goes into the living room to nap after dinner and no-one else is allowed in there, let alone to watch TV, while he’s napping because he gets cranky if he gets woken up. It’s selfish to prevent the family from using a family room when he could go to his bedroom.)
Or is it maybe because you doze on the couch after dinner most evenings when actually she would like to spend meaningful time with her husband, during what is probably the only part of the day that you are able to do so due to work, and she feels resentful that you seem to prioritise dozing over spending quality time with her?
YTA unfortunately. My husband does the same thing and it drives me crazy. I have to keep telling him the couch is not a bed. What you may not think of is that when someone is sleeping, everyone around feels like they should be quiet. Just your sleeping presence is inconsiderate to the rest of the household. Please just go to bed as soon as you feel sleepy. Or, sit upright so you don’t fall asleep at all if you don’t want to go to bed for the night. It’s not that hard!
I think you might want to ask your spouse why they are angry and provide that answer for context. I know I will only get angry with my spouse for falling asleep on the couch when they have been complaining about being tired or having no energy or if they didn’t get anything done that day because they didn’t sleep well. It’s a bit annoying when your spouse expects sympathy but won’t help themself by doing something simple like going to bed.
My husband has a big problem with me sleeping on the couch even though he goes to bed 4 hours before me ( different shifts ). He says it makes the living room feel less like a shared space, I don’t personally understand it but I respect that it’s obviously something that does actually bother him and I’m making real efforts to try avoid doing it.
NAH
NAH– I’m on the other side of this. My partner frequently falls asleep on the couch. While I know it’s not his fault, it irks me because A, he often snores and that interferes with me reading or watching TV, B, he says he wants to hang out with me at night but then does that, so we’re not really hanging out at all (it feels downright lonely having him sleeping on the couch whereas I’m up and awake, despite us being in the same room), and C, it often leads to me being the one to finish up chores for the evening. I know it’s not his fault, but damn I’m getting tired and annoyed with it.
It’s annoying because it means you’re not spending time with her, and thus she’s basically alone all evening. Then, at night, you’re either going to keep her up by being awake so late, or you’re going to wake her up when you go to bed later.
It’s frustrating because she’s not actually home alone, and thus gets to do whatever she wants, but she might as well because you’re asleep anyways.
And it doesn’t matter that it’s just a doze. Are you able to engage with her? Can you converse about the tv you’re watching or something? Are you able to talk about your days and everything?
If you’re tired enough to doze on the couch, then you’re tired enough to go to bed and leave her alone, rather than making her deal with you sleeping on the couch.
YTA imho. The living room is for shared time, for relaxing, unwinding after a long day where you probably didn’t see each other much. If my husband were to do this I’d wake him up and tell him to go to bed. If it were all the time/regularly, I’d suggest going to bed earlier or doing other things (together) that keep you active and engaged longer because life is too short to just tiptoe around eachother.
My dad used to do this all the time, and while I understand why (he got up 5am every day to go to work) it didn’t make our evenings more engaging or fun. In fact, my dad never really did anything with us when my mum worked evenings. He just cooked and then napped, even on weekends when my mum was there.
I’m going with a soft YTA. Think about it like this: Your wife loves you and if you fall asleep she doesn’t want to disturb you, so she doesn’t do things that might disturb you. That limits what she can do in the living spaces of her home in the evening, and so limits the options she has to relax herself. In trying to not disturb you, her evening plans are disrupted. Have an evening coffee or something, or just go to bed.