Me (19F) and my dad (51M) keep running into the same problem over and over. He will often bring up a random thing that is at a bad time or is upsetting in the moment that I’m just not in the mood for. These are often political topics or upsetting news.
For example, I’ll share about today.
To preface, recently I have been trying to create a set morning routine so I can feel energized in the mornings and encouraged to start my day. This is especially important to me as I have ADHD, so I sometimes get paralyzed in decision making. Additionally, I generally would just like to start off my days on a happier, more relaxed note, rather than immediately getting to work.
This morning I woke up to my dad knocking on my door letting me know that someone egged my car. It’s unrelated to the situation, other than that it was a stressful way to start my day, but I got it all cleaned. Also, no, I have no idea why someone would do that because I don’t remember the last time I made someone that mad. Anyways, after that, I felt pretty stressed because I didn’t necessarily expect to wake up and be cleaning egg off my car, be worried about the paint, and confused on why and who did it.
When I was all done cleaning, I decided to start my laundry and on the way to do it is the kitchen, where my dad was making himself breakfast. He was listening to a video with an interesting topic about UK rights concerns, and wanted to talk to me about it. I listened to him talk until it seemed like he was done, with a few of my replies in-between acknowledging him, then I said "I just want to let you know, I don’t really want to talk about this right now" and he told me that was all he wanted to say.
That was great because I could just resume my day, and I went to my room to unwind for a few minutes. Though, my dad knocked on my door, and started talking about it again, but this time I interrupted with "I don’t want to talk about this right now". I didn’t have a rushed or negative tone, but I know that interrupting on it’s own is disrespectful. My dad of course got upset and told me that not letting people say something they want to talk about is rude, and it hurts people’s feelings when you don’t let them say just one thing because "Why would I talk to them at all if they don’t want to talk to me?".
What he said is completely valid in reply to how I handled it, it’s just that there have been countless times where he’ll start talking about something I don’t have the capacity for, and I let him know that I don’t want to talk about it, and he’ll get upset. Even without me interrupting and waiting until there’s a pause or end. Like the other day I was busy, and he interrupted what I was doing to tell me that over 5 people got mauled in a horrible car accident with several 12 wheelers. It’s not something I want to hear when I’m unprepared.
Anyways, AITAH for expressing I don’t want to talk about these sensitive topics sometimes? Any advice for the future?
I have a whole bunch of links here that may be helpful for you, from another neurodivergent person
https://www.reddit.com/u/Deflated_Hypnotist/s/BOp4Y9uQVh
Thank you so much! You’re the best!
Definitely check out the ones on communication styles and emotional regulation
Good idea, thank you!
Sounds like dad is lonely. You don’t have to discuss whatever he is saying, just acknowledge … “you don’t say” or “really” probably would suffice. YTA